Why I still have NBSB

I'm 25 and never had a boyfriend. Why?

The old me:  "I'm not pretty enough".

 If  I were the old me, I would repeatedly tell myself "It's because you're  not pretty enough, not good enough. There's something really wrong with you!"

It was so dreadful. It wasn't really easy for the younger me because I believed back then that life is all about education and a boyfriend (really). I remember being so desperate. Those who knew me then would agree with  this. I remember asking my PolGov professor one day with this question  (out of nowhere),

"Sir....magkaka boyfriend po ba ko sir?"

 and his response was out of this world (mind you haha),

 "Oo naman, mas maganda ka pa sa kalabasa"!


What does he mean? At least for me, it means,  I'm not as pretty as the other girls. I continued thinking "No one will love me. I must not have any standards na. Basta lalaki okay na!"




In between: "I have to meet Love Himself first "


When I was 18 though and in the midst of all these insecurities,  I met Someone. Someone that made me realize that there's really something wrong with me (sin) , but He took care of it already. Someone who told me that I'm beautiful twice over (because He created me and saved me). Someone who said with His life and blood that I'm precious and worth dying for. (I'm honestly so kilig writing this! HAHA!) I met the BEST MAN ever. My THE ONE - JESUS CHRIST.

 I'm THAT BEAUTIFUL to  HIM? I'm THAT PRECIOUS  to HIM? SOMEONE LOVES ME?  WOW.

I slowly shrugged the thought that I'm not pretty or good enough. (slowly, yes, it took years and years for me to fully embrace who He says I am because there are times that insecurity creeps in. I'm grateful that He keeps on reminding me of His love and my identity in Him.) I learned the process of taking my eyes off myself and what's  beautiful for the world and look to Him.


"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"  2 Corinthians 5:17

The new me.


 It's surprising that nowadays people were surprised whenever they would discover that I never had a boyfriend nor a suitor (YES!) I hear them say , "Weh? di nga? baka hindi mo na agad pinapansin", " Irereto kita sa pinsan ko teacher!"  or "siguro ang taas taas ng standards mo."

STANDARDS. The old me didn't have this but now, Yes, I do have. I do have high standards - God's standards: Someone who also met Love Himself  in between and loves Him more than  he could ever love anyone (even me).

I'm 25 and never had a boyfriend. Why?

1. God is molding me. He's really doing a big work in my heart. I have to be molded to the woman God wants me to be. A woman who's so whole and complete in Him. A woman whose pursuit is His purposes.


"... people used to tell me the best way to prepare for marriage was to date around and to get into all of these short-term flings. I learned the hard way that that wasn’t true, but what I did realize in that season of my life was that the best way that I could prepare for marriage truly was to learn how to find my fulfillment in Christ, how to make Him my First Love, how to cultivate that spiritual purity in my life where He was my All in all."  - Leslie Ludy

2. He's prepared a man for me. My MOG. Not an other half but an equal match. He is also whole and complete in Him. No need to settle for anything less than what He wants for me - His best. I'm sure He is still doing a big work in his heart too (hehe).


3. It's not yet His time. I know He knows when it is the sweetest. Just like what is written in the book of Ecclesiastes, "He has made everything beautiful in its time". 3:11a


If it's His will, walang makakapigil.
If not, we surrender to His good, pleasing and perfect will. :")

I really dread letting others know that I have NBSB but now,  I'm surprisingly joyful. I think I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm amazed. As I look back,  it was like my THE ONE protected me all along and ensured  na Sya ang magiging FIRST SUITOR,  LOVE at YES  ko.

 I'm glad that He is.

And for you, princess, whatever status you're in, whatever the condition of your heart right now -hopeless or hopeful, shattering or healing.... it's not too late. One day,  you will also meet THE ONE in between. The One who loved you first. He loved you first. He's fighting for that moment.

Let Him love your first.

"Let Him love you first.

Before you allow the right guy to pursue you, give your yes to the Lord first.

Because God wants to show you how you should be loved.

He wants to give you heaven and earth before anyone can promise you the sun and the moon.

He wants you to experience his genuine intention to serenade you with His goodness and mercy.

He wants to rejoice with you and quiet you with His love.

He longs to have a lot of your “firsts.” - Joena San Diego 

It's such a beautiful beautiful Love story. You and Jesus.


P.S.

 And Only He knows when the heart is ready for the second one. :")

Photo by Blubel on Unsplash

To the girl who just met Jesus

I've seen the oceans, the mountains and the snow. But you, accepting Jesus, is still the greatest sight to behold.

I'm excited for you.

You smiled beautifully when we first met. I asked if you've been coming often and you said it's your third. I'm excited. I asked how old you are and you said "Fifteen".  I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you.

We're about to sing a song that speaks gratitude for His love -  "Beautiful Love" and you whispered to me "Ate, favorite ko yan". I'm excited. I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you.

At the end of the most beautiful message of all time, the message of His great love and great plan to save you.  You responded. You responded to His great love.  I'm excited. I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you.

My heart beats fast.. oh girl.. Do you have any idea what awaits?

You will finally stop waiting to know your identity.

You will finally stop seeking  love in other places.

You will finally stop trusting in yourself and your good works .

You will finally stop being out of place.

You will finally stop wondering if you have value.

You will finally stop compromising.

You will finally stop being hopeless.

You will finally stop waiting to be complete.

You will finally stop searching for happiness in circumstances

You will finally stop living for yourself.

You  will finally know more about this God who loved you first.
The God who never stopped loving you and never will.

Oh, I'm rushing things here! Know that I'm just  excited. I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you.

Some of these things will happen in an instant,  but most will be a process.
A beautiful process that you will not trade for anything.

My hearts leaps as I remember myself in you.
I'm excited. I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you.

Oh the places you will go!
Oh the faith that will arise!
Oh the calling that you will answer!
Oh the love that you will give away!
Oh the prayers that you will utter.
Oh the relationships that you'll have!
Oh the dates that you'll have with our  Daddy God.
Oh this great adventure with our Savior.

Every moment will be red-letter.
And you will know that He's the sweetest.





But little sister, it'll not be easy. There are times that it'll be bumpy and stormy.
Be still. Know. Know that He is God. He is God. He will forever be.
And this awesome, loving, mighty, powerful God is in you, with you and gone ahead of you.
He will never let go of your hand.

Be encouraged. Nothing in this world will ever separate you from His love.

Can I just pray for you?

Daddy God,

I thank You. I thank You for the life of this girl who just met You and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I thank You  for orchestrating this moment from the beginning of time. I'm excited. I'm so excited for her. I'm too excited for the both of you. I'm excited of how You will mold her. I'm excited of what she'll become in Your love.

I know, You will always be her best "Yes".  I pray that You'll just give her the grace  to choose You everyday, to love You and other people more and more each day. May You strengthen her and train her for battles. May You surround her with people who will walk this journey together. May You save her family. May You use her mightily for Your Kingdom.

Thank You, for NOTHING in this world will ever separate her  from Your love.  In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen!

To the girl who just met Jesus,

May your soul forever sing your "favorite" song:

Oh what love, how can it be?

From that cross You looked at me

Oh what love, poured out for me

What a beautiful love

Love

So glorious

Came down unashamed, You called me Yours

Caught up in Your grace, You're all I need

There's nothing more beautiful than Your love

(Beautiful Love by Victory Worship) 

To the girl who just met Jesus,

Remember not to forget.
Never give in to familiarity.
Never ever forget His love. The love that saves. The loves that secures.

The love that cost Jesus His blood and life.

The love that's for you.

Personally.


 I'm excited for you. I'm so excited for you. I'm too excited for you to be a princess in awe.

                                                                                 Love,

                                                                                  Ate Ycah 

*Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

First Hike For Christ

I wanna set the world on fire

Until it's burning bright for You

It's everything that I desire

Can I be the one You use?

I want to put  the lyrics of  one of my earliest favorite Christian songs - Set The World on Fire by Britt Nicole in this post because it's been my anthem since I heard it in a youth service. I loved and prayed this song.  I believe that God used this to give me a vision that one day.. He will use me, one day, I will be beyond myself, one day,  I will set the world on fire. That's a big vision though and I felt so small...

Just like how it is in the song:

I, I am small but

You, You are big enough

I, I am weak but

You, You are strong enough to

Take my dreams

Come and give them wings

Lord with You

Nothing I can not do

Nothing I cannot do

...but He is big enough and strong enough.


Last Saturday (February 10, 2018) marked my first participation in an out of town outreach event. It happened over at Sitio Banawen, San Felipe Zambales.

My journey towards this event and the event itself was simply amazing.

Last December, we had a dinner bonding with my Kids ministry family. I wanted to give something to my co-volunteers to remind them of God's faithfulness over the year 2017.  I thought of giving them printed pictures of some of the highlights of their year. I visited their timelines and chose pictures! One of the pictures that I loved was the picture of the children smiling in Teacher Jayson's post (he's a part of a movement called Hike for Christ Movement  and they had an outreach event in a community last December). I chose that picture and gave it to him. He talked about it and the movement over our dinner and in my heart, I uttered "Dad, I hope I could also do something like that".

I wanna feed the hungry children

And reach across the farthest land

And tell the broken there is healing

And mercy in the Father's hands

Days after, my grandmother passed away and the brevity of life was taught to me and I also eventually discovered the beauty of outward-focused life . I really wanted to do more for Him in this lifetime. It became a faith goal to serve more and to do more for women, children and the Gospel.

I liked the facebook page of Hike for  Christ Movement (HFCM) sometime last year and I started to see their posts. I was thrilled to discover that they will have an event soon and it's an "Engage" event!  Children + Evangelism! Oh, my heart. Hehe.  "Dad, can I be part of that?"

I remembered  this Word:

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

He planned for me to do good things. He created me anew for these things. WHOA.

I sent them a message, clicked going, last two slots na lang but still can't help but be so excited!

But a few weeks before the event, doubts crept in and so does fear.

I doubted  my motivation and intention. Am I really doing this for Him alone or am I just gonna do it for myself? :"( I needed some time to think about that because, I'm not so sure of my heart.  I needed  to surrender to Him and to His purposes and will alone. "Dad, I don' t want to go if this is just about me and my selfish desires."

Fear crept in too. I talked to my friends about it and one well- meaning friend asked me if I'm sure about it  because she heard some volunteers  died few years ago while crossing a river for an outreach event. The other volunteers were also traumatized.  She asked if we have to cross a river, and I said I'm not sure. She advised me that if we have to cross a river, please, if possible, ask for another route.

I started asking, "Dad, is this wise?Should I back out if we have to cross a river? Is this really Your will for me? "

I'm really amazed when He let me encounter these words:

"...stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

Princess. in awe. indeed.

GRABE. Okay, so stand firm daw. Trust tayo.

He knows I needed more encouragement so eto pa..

 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12

For you were slaughtered, and your blood has ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9b
The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

YAY!!!! Okay, Lord. Let's do this!!!!

Along the way, I'm amazed at how supportive my friends and co-workers are. They gave hygiene kits and donated. I'm beyond grateful for their beautiful hearts! This made me so excited.

Feb. 9    Prepared and slept for an hour
Feb. 10  Walked around Cubao at almost midnight. I'm not sure kung may jeep pa from SM Fairview na dadaan sa may P. Tuazon. Inhale. Exhale.

And, yay! Meron pang jeep! I had a little accident though. Biglang nag preno yung driver because of a cat. Hindi ako nakahawak. My right knee hit the metal at the back of the driver. Huhuhu. "Dad, please. May it not be serious."  I started to kinda panic because it's painful nung tatawid na ko, bigla pang may truck na mabilis so I had to walk faster. Wahhhh! Whew. Great thing that I could still walk well. (Right now, I noticed na may pasa pa din yung knee ko. hehe)

Anyway! I arrived at the meeting place (Jollibee) and awkwardly asked a woman  inside if they are from HFCM. She  shaked their head though. Texted someone from HFCM and asked where they are. He said that they're outside near a speaker.

Yay! I found them! I met Grace and Mat (Hi girls! It's so lovely to meet you!) . It's Mat's first time too and we had good chat. I also met Van and eventually, Jayson arrived and introduced Pao to us. It's her first time too! She is such a sweet young woman. I'm so happy that we're on the same van - Van 1!

We also met the other volunteers  inside the van and prayed before we go.  It was kinda hard to sleep. I don't know.. did I sleep? Maybe I did.Hehe.   It was cold and I regret  not bringing my sweater. :"( Anyway, I'm happy that the other volunteers could finally have a good rest. Hopefully. Hehe.

Ate at Jollibee for breakfast. (I don't know kung saang Jollibee na haha)
Chaye (HFCM's founder)  said something that made me blush. HAHAHAHA.  Ayoko na sabihin. I'll just keep it in my heart. I'm sooooo grateful to finally meet her!!!! (Hi Chaye, if you're reading this, I also want to say to you what you said to me (I hope you remember)  and even more because I also saw a glimpse of your beautiful heart!!!)

Went  back to the van. Tried to sleep and the sun is rising.

Eventually, we're there! The mountains greeted us.  Had a huddle time.Prayed. Got my shirt (Oh, the shirt's awesome!). Carabaos arrived and flashback starts. I remember riding it when I was young in a harvest season (pauwi galing bukid at nakahiga sa mga sako ng palay). Hehe. This time,  walang palay (just our bags) and sumakay kami. :") It's wonderful to experience it again.


Nung tamawid na kami ng unang ilog (eto na, yung ilog!), I was riding the carabao and I was staring at my feet and the water. I remember His word for me:

 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12

Biglang nagkapakpak yung kalabaw sa paningin ko. It's like an angel used by God for me at that time. HEHEHEHE. Kasi nga na amazed ako na nakaangat yung paa ko sa ilog habang tumatawid!

Glad to have good chat and hugot with other volunteers too like Dina, Albert and Earl!

Pao and I  eventually walked and encountered yung iba pang mga  ilog  na mababaw lang.  I thought,
"eto ba yung mga ilog na kinatakutan ko? Awww Dad, sorry."

Now, when I close my eyes I can still remember the lahar on my feet, the clear water, yung mga talahib and the mountains!!!!

We arrived at Sitio Banawen at around almost 11 AM. We had  our morning devotion and I'm amazed that Lorainne shared the Word that God gave to me for the new year - Ephesians 2:10!!!!!

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. :")

We had a delicious early lunch (tinola and tilapiaaa)!!!! And I got another answered prayer (It was a prayer to Daddy to really help and not be a burden)! Earl asked me to help him as he share the Bible story to the kids. (Earl, I hope I did help you. HAHA)

Find Me. HAHA

Had a huddle time with the kids! I talked with two girls and three boys with random ages. It's warms my heart  that they know Jesus. I think when they know Him and call unto Him, they are rich in life already. Why did I say that? because I experienced talking to well-off children who doesn't even know His Name. One once told me, "Jesus, what's that?" That's  one of the most heartbreaking thing and worst than being poor for me.

Okay so back to our  huddle time, I pounded more how great God is in creating things and even greater because He sent Jesus for us. He gave His best for us and nothing is impossible with Him. I wanted to inspire them to keep on dreaming and lift their future to Him. I asked them what they want to be and they answered that they want to be a soldier, policeman, teacher and ...a Pastor! An 11 year-old boy said it! WHOA. Oh, I really hope he would be!!!

We had a group picture and we started giving the hygiene kits, Chicken Joy, toys,  juices, Bibles and some clothes. It was challenging at first to keep things organized because the people we're pretty aggressive and ... excited? hehe. Eventually, it was okay and I had a  little chat with other kids as well. I met Aileen, a pretty girl and had a small talk with her and her sister-in-law too.  I'm surprised when she asked for my number. hehe. I also had a chance to talk to a grandmother. I asked her if she's happy that we're there and she smiled brightly with her yes.  :")

We ate an egg sandwich, cleaned the place, took some pictures, took the group picture, more pictures and rode the carabao again going home.

After 2 and a half hours of staring at the mountains, sharing stories, jokes (HAHAHA PAO!!!!!) , sound trip, praise and worship, we arrived where our vans are. Changed clothes, went inside the van, prayed and exchange stories and funny moments.

Slept and woke up to eat dinner. We ate at Rico's (I think that's in Subic).  Listened to a love story and ate Sinigang na Hipon after a long wait. We went back to the van and sleep... ... .... ....woke up at times and then sleep... ... ...sleep. And tanannnnn! Hello Cubao! :")

Thank You Daddy God for our safety!



Awww. It's time to say goodbye to one of the best 24 hours of my life.  Bid goodbye to the other volunteers  and I'm sad. I walked with Van and Renjo going to Farmers. Arrived at home at around 1 AM and slept  with a supeeerrrr happy heart. :")

Oh what a privilege!
 I'm excited to go and make JESUS famous again in the mountains!

O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them. Psalm 40:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

My hands, my feet

My everything

My life, my love

Lord, use me


1st Photo by Les Anderson on Unsplash
Other photos are from Pao, Dina and Kuya Ronald :") 

In a journey of surrender

This season has been nothing but overwhelming.

Most cliches are being so real in my life , there are  lessons that I want so much to embrace and treasure in my heart and there's a  new revelation that makes me repent.

-  Cliche's being so real  in my life:

Jesus is everything.
Jesus is our all in all.
A life that's fully surrendered to Christ.
Jesus is in full control of my life.
Fully trust in Him.
All I am for You.
Take it all, take it all.
Only Jesus.
He completes.
He is our sole completion.
You can only be complete in Jesus.
Everything you need as a woman is found in Christ.
Jesus is THE ONE.
I am totally surrendered to Jesus.

Everything. All in all. Only One. The First. All. Fully. Totally.  Sole completion.

Those sayings and words sound so familiar and all this time, I thought I grasp

them well.
I thought I'm doing good in this, but not really. I realized that I'm still learning

and by His grace,  it's  becoming real. Like a flower's petals that bloom in it's time.


In the past, I had the tendency to just fit Jesus into my life, but now I realized that I should be building my life around Him. That He really got to be the reason for  living. Learning about the brevity of life made me think of my life and my  purpose more. In conclusion, life is still and will always be about Him.

Jesus, be my everything.

- Lessons that I want so much to embrace and treasure in my heart:

-Outward-focused life

When I'm so focus with myself, my problems, my issues, my pain, I noticed that I  was not being  productive and it feels like I'm not living out my purpose.  God just  recently opened my eyes to see the need of other people. I happened to stumble upon stories of some  Christian Women in history who changed the world  through their outward-focused life. Women like Elisabeth Elliot, Carrie Ten Boom, Sarah Edwards and Amy CarMichael inspires me in serving more and  in doing more. Their lives are really His and His purposes. They loved Him and others so much and made a great impact in lives of people. I loved this part while reading about the life of Amy CarMichael (a missionary to the children in  India in the 1900s):

"When the children were asked what drew them to Amy, they most often replied 'It was love. Amma (Amy) loved us".

Their lives and situation were not perfect but they trusted God and allowed Him  to use them. Oh to have an outward-focused life!

- WOW Project

This stands for Woman of Word Project.

We're learning about the Bible (it's authority etc.)  these days in the church and  the importance of meditating His Word was pounded on me. I learned that meditating is also repeating and memorizing. Thus, it became goal to memorize  at least one verse a week.

I'm happy that last January I memorized the following:

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's masterpiece. Created anew in Christ Jesus,  so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

Ephesians 3:20

Now all glory to God who is able according  to His mighty power at work within us to infinitely accomplish more than we might ask or think.

Colossians 3:16

Let the Word of Christ dwell in your richly, teaching and admonishing one  another in all truth, singing  hymms, psalms, spiritual songs with thanksgiving to God in our hearts.

Revelation5:9b

For you were slaughtered and your blood has ransomed people for God from every tribe, language, people and nation.

This is not just for the sake of memorizing it is for the sake of future use. I'm also learning that  His word is meant to be used. It's not to be displayed. After all,  His word is our Spirit's Sword. We fight the lies using them and grow more in the knowledge of Him.

Let's be women of the word yeah?

-Life is Short

Finding it hard to breathe sometimes, my grandmother's wake,  a booklet entitled "Life is Short (enjoy mo ang buhay)" by William Girao and a talk in our Victory Group in the office about the brevity of life made me think more about life, my purpose and what I'm doing about it. It made me long to prioritize the activities that will just impact the eternal destiny of a person. I'm praying to share the Gospel more and to serve more. Nawa  ang buhay ko'y maging gamit na gamit Nya! Amen!


New revelation that makes me repent:

Proverbs 31: 12

Oh how I'm doing my MOG harm all this time.

Thinking and longing for someone else other than Him and him is not honoring at all. Imagine talking about your man about another man right? oh oh.  I've been writing to MOG about my crush weeks ago and God just made me realized that it's not right.  "All the days of her life" means even today, I've got to honor him. Yes, it's permissible to have a strong  crush on someone today but is it beneficial? I know it isn't. It just make me have unnecessary kilig , thoughts and pain. HUHU.  Nothing against crushes it's just that, I noticed  it's not good for me. Learning to just go and  focus more on what He wants me to do in this season.

I know it's easier said than done (like naiisip ko pa din si crush at times,  I have to just snap it and focus my thoughts on Him and  talk to Him)  I'm just really clinging to His grace in all these.


After all, all things are possible in His Name.  :")

So there, I pray that the cliches that I mentioned above to be more real in my life , for the lessons to be embraced well  and for my repentance to be proven true.

This season has been nothing but overwhelming.

                                                 ***Photos (first and last)  by  Larm Rmah and  Christopher Campbell  on Unsplash

Heids

A great woman of God 

It was the last day in the office of this woman who's faithful
I never thought this could be this painful
Our eyes still hurt and it was so wonderful
Oh! At the same time, I'm sad and grateful


Sad that I'll cease to be with her everyday
Grateful that our friendship happened anyway
I'll try to be happy in my classes today
Knowing that hugging her's just a prayer away


I'll miss her hands on my hair and face
Her make up skill, my waterfall and all other braids
I'll certainly miss all her encouragements
and of how confident she is that our needs will be met

What a privilege to witness her servant heart 

I can declare that she's really set apart

I can't help but ask "Why is it Dad that we have to part?" 

He answered with a comfort that in Him,

we'll never be apart

Heids

I'll always admire how you listen to our God
I know you'll continue to shine for our Dad
Your strength will still be found on the One who shed His blood
May you just always be secured in His great love


Heids

Thank you for helping my dream come true
You made it possible for me to be Fuu!
Thank you for believing for my next season too!
Please don't forget to be in my pre-nup uy!

Heids

 I love you to bits and for me, you're so BTS!!!!

Beautiful.
 Talaga.

 Sobra.

When we shared the Gospel together (sya sa Words, sa powerpoint ako, este taga drawing ng bridge haha)!!! 

Ilahui (We love Cubao? haha) 

Coco!!!!

Ilahui

when we walked in the rain!!!

before a holiday

Oh come let us adore Him!

and Ilahui ulit

BTS girls. hahaha

What a privilege to look at God in your life :")