How God taught me to love an enemy

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. - Romans 12:21

It was all sudden. I can't believe I'm leaving my boarding house and neighborhood  of 8 years. From Manila, I moved to Quezon City due to a threat of demolition. 

I honestly didn't like my new house. My old one was just way better.  Nonetheless, I tried so hard to adjust with all the new things and I thought I  somehow did. 

I started to see the beauty of our cozy little room. The quietness that I long was  there and I had a great sister-in-Christ as a companion. We sang and laughed  together. Shared our learnings and craziness here and there.  

Until one night, one of our housemates came rushing to our room with an angry  spirit. She misunderstood my actions and reported statements. I was honestly  scared, offended and hurt. But Daddy God's Word came to me in 2 Kings 6:21-22

21 When the king of Israel saw them, he asked Elisha, “Shall I kill them, my  father? Shall I kill them?”

22 “Do not kill them,” he answered. “Would you kill those you have captured with  your own sword or bow? Set food and water before them so that they may eat  and drink and then go back to their master.”

 23 So he prepared a great feast for them, and after they had finished eating and  drinking, he sent them away, and they returned to their master. So the bands  from Aram stopped raiding Israel’s territory.

They gave food and drink to their enemy  And it's like Daddy is asking me to do the same. "Talaga ba, Dad?". It took  sometime for that to sink in and for me to submit and obey.  After my shift that day, I  bought her chocolate and grape juice. I wrote a note apologizing if I offended her  in any way. 

Things went well for days. 

Until one Sunday evening, my roommate asked me to go near our housemates'  room for she will talk to me. I was warned by Daddy God early that morning for I  received another Word (Psalm 21:11 Although they plot against you,their evil  schemes will never succeed.) 

I prayed and prayed to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I went near her room. 

Then there were suddenly a series of accusations and harsh words. 

She's accused me of damaging her shoes and blouse that I never saw. Ako lang  daw ang gagawa ,teacher pa man din daw ako pero ganun ang ugali ko,  ipapabaranggay nya daw ako (words that I never heard in my lifetime). I was in shock of how confident she is in making up up lies and stories. I was  struggling not to respond in the same spirit. I was struggling not to raise my voice  as I explain things and defend myself. I also caught myself saying  "Daddy....Daddy...Daddy.." In the end I just said that if the goal of all this is for me  to leave the house, I guess I will but I hope she will stop accusing me of things I can never  imagine doing. 

Disgust and fear started to creep in my heart. I started asking my lawyer and law student friend of what to do with slanderer and what to do once I'm called sa  Baranggay. Inuhahan ko pa nga sya sa baranggay and asked kung paano magpa  blotter and all. Hindi na din ako makalabas ng kwarto agad if I know she's around. 

I started thinking that she will soon make up another story and accusations that  could be damaging to my future. It even came to a point that I don't want to go  home anymore. 

But then as I asked Daddy what to do, He commanded me this time to do another unthinkable. He asked me to give her .... a flower. 

Dad??? Are You serious? How can I? 

I slowly realized that our lesson for the season is loving the seemingly enemy and  hating the real one (the devil). He reminded me that the battle is not against my housemate but against  the spiritual forces of the dark world. I started to pray and really desire for my  housemate to know Jesus too for He is the only one who can heal her from  within. I decided to forgive and I started to be concerned for her soul. 

By His grace, I obeyed. I bought and left a peach rose with a note saying " I loved  you with an everlasting love" -God near her room. 

I'm not sure of what she really thought of or how it affected her when she received it but it was all by faith on my end. 

Accusations didn't stop though and I think she still hates me. But what amazed me we' the lessons that Daddy taught me:  

•  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. Romas 12:21
• A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 
• God gives us that supernatural joy even in the midst of people treating us harshly. 
• All that matters is obedience. 

Here' s my final thought from all this: 

How could God loved someone like me who's been an enemy of Him since the beginning? Someone so unlovable. Now, I can attest to the fact that it is just so hard to love an unlovable. 

But He loved me anyway, He loved me anyway...the thought brought me to tears. 

May He help me love anyway. 

P.S.

Now, I'm out of that house but I still pray for Ate to personally know Christ one day. Pray with me. 

Surrender 26

May I always remember Yna, Rhea, Hersey and Myra.

Can't believe I'm about say goodbye to the 26 year-old me. Oh May 26. What happened? The year went by so fast! It seems like only yesterday that I was writing about my 25th year on earth. Oh well, let's still do our best to remember!

On my 26th year on earth..

I was elected as a secretary of Hike for Christ Movement. I remember very well how the core team  voted and believed in me.

I cooked tinola with Lorainne.

I celebrated my friend Earl's birthday in a music room!

I got the dream subject:  EDL 121!!!!!

I met Rachelle and Ate Badet!

I got 100 in my report (grace).

I got 1.25 in the subject (grace)

I observed at UPIS.

I miraculously made it to UP for only 20 minutes (from Eastwood)!

I did my demo teaching in class. (not so excellent though :()

I made a lesson plan!

I go the subject EDFD 221 with Prof. Camposano.

God saved me during my report about spatializing!

I climbed Mt. Balagbag with HFCM core team!

I met the people from Team Blessed!

I went on my very first mission trip (HFCM 3 days mission)! Dad completed the fund that I needed and even more!

I started to one to one an Aeta kid named "Aileen".

I learned more from other missionaries prior to our three-day mission.

I went to Kuya Milo's (Quezon city)  and Renjo's house (Montalban).

I got a necklace from Ate Camille!
She gave it in a cafe along E. Rodriguez. I think it's "Unicorn Bistro". It is closed now. :(
I fell in love with Teas (like cranberry sunrise) and Pesto pasta.

I celebrated Ate Camille's birthday at CBTL!

I surprised my brother when he went back home from abroad.

I left Sta. Mesa and  lived in Tomas Morato with Daisy.

I learned about loving my enemy and to respond in a different spirit. (God commanded me to give chocolates, juice and a rose)

I sent Sky and Pearl to Victory Weekend!

My brother and I bought a SmarTV.

God healed Angelo from Dengue again! Thank You Dad for platelets!

Baby Miguel was born (Kuya Michael's son)

I watched Aladdin with Sky at Ali Mall. I really loved it!

I led our teachers for the Balik-Eskwela program of HFCM! (Wow, Daddy!!!)

I gave Bibles to my brothers and Jhared.

I had a new smartphone! Real me C1!

I went in an outreach with brother Mac!

I went to the 40th MIBF with Ate Ayen, Chriscel, Ate Fabi, Arl and Ana.

I watched All for the One concert at Araneta Coliseum with my Nanay, Daisy, Sky, Kuya Ronald, Arl and Jayson. We saw Ogie, Jaya, Dulce, Papuri Singers, Precious Lara, Acel Van Ommen, Janina Vela, Erik Santos, Christian Bautista, Moira and Gary V! Amazing testimonies!

I also volunteered to #projects PEARLS (Peace, Education, Aspiration, Respect, Love, Smiles) for Dess' birthday celebration! We went to a place with the poorest of the poor children. May I always remember Yna, Rhea, Hersey and Myra. I hope I inspired them with my story of how God  miraculously made me graduate. I pray they would also meet the God who makes things possible.

I entitle this entry  "surrender" because that's what Daddy's been teaching me. I got to surrender everything back to Him. For my 27th, the word is "Submit".

May I just really be that princess who's so submitted to her King. One who truly loves Him..enough to obey Him every moment. That's my prayer in Jesus's name. Amen!

 Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. 

                                                                                                                   (Ephesians 3:20-21  NLT)

God's princess, are you ready to be in a relationship?

I was asked this question last weekend and upon pondering about it, I remembered what I've been taught through the years and how God is actually "readying" me .

Here are some of the things that I've been taught that I'll be doing if ever I'll enter a relationship and how God is allowing me to start doing it even in my current season (hopefully, this could help you somehow in your journey):

1. I will be a suitable helper.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18

How am I being one now? Through my absence.

Maybe my absence is helping him find all the significance and love that he needs in God alone. Maybe it's helping him develop his character, being the best that he can be in his career or having a deeper relationship with his family and friends. It could also help him save or invest his money, di ba (hahahaha)?

If my absence in his life right now is helping him, then I'm already being one.

2. I will support him.

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

How am I doing it now? Through my prayers.

For sure, he's going through battles and struggles in this season too. I could only support him through covering different areas of his life in prayer.

3. I will submit to him.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.Ephesians 5:22

How am I doing it now?  Through trusting his leadership.

I never want to rob him of the privilege of leading our relationship.
I trust how our God would lead him into the right time and circumstances.
It's me being careful not to indirectly lead our relationship by trying to manipulate things etc.
It's really a matter of  full submission to our God first and then to him.

*whispering: I really believe he's a great leader.

4. I will be faithful to him. 

Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life. Proverbs 31:11

How am I doing it now?  Through being careful with how I treat my brothers in Christ and guy friends.

I'm always being reminded: "If ever your future husband is with you right now, would he be honored with what you're doing/thinking or would he be hurt?"

I don't want to hurt him. Thus, I'm constantly praying  for emotional and mental purity for his future wife. :D

5. I will die to myself.

Yet I want Your will to be done, not mine.” Mark 14:36b 

How am I doing it now?  Through surrendering my desire time and time again.

Marriage hopes and dreams can come really strong to a woman. As for me, I think I've been wanting to meet the right one since I was 14 (well, I'm almost 27 now)!!

 I've got to learn to constantly offer my deepest desires at Jesus' feet.
To trust in Him and His perfect and beautiful plan for my life.

Kung ako lang ang masusunod, dapat ganito, ganyan... but no, I'm learning to die to myself.
I believe that He knows better. Way way better than me. 


6. I will share my life/inner thoughts/emotions to him.

 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

How am I doing it now?  Through communication (What??)

I write to him etc.

Expressing myself to him reminds me that I am reserved for him. A reminder for myself that someone in the altar is waiting for me. It  honestly makes this season sweeter and it's a great practice for me to not hold anything back and just be true to him.

7. I will bring God glory with him.

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:21

How am I doing it now?  By being faithful in the mission that God called me to.
Sabi nga ni Ms. Acel, "Maging tapat kung ano man ang nasa iyong kamay".

Parang nasa kanya kanyang mission trips lang kami in this season.
He has his own and I have mine.

As we bring him glory today (individually) I believe we'll bring Him greater glory together in the future.

And that's the sole reason why we'll enter the relationship in the first place!  His glory and honor (never my "clingyness" nor loneliness)!!!


So, am I ready?

Am I ready for the whole new and different level of  helping, supporting, submitting, being faithful, dying to self, sharing my life and bringing God glory?

I don't know.
Only my Creator and Molder knows that.

But isn't it exciting that you can start doing what you're supposed to do in the future?Teehee!

All of this boils down to loving him even if I'm not with him yet. 

She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12 




Just a reminder God's princess:

Whether we have an earthly prince or none, whether we'll be an earthly bride or not;
We already have the Heavenly Bridegroom (Jesus Christ) whose love will never be taken away from us.
We are His bride and in Him, we'll certainly experience the most glorious wedding of all. Teehee!


PS

Pursue Jesus.
Serve.

For more on this topic you can also read:

http://princessinawe.blogspot.com/2017/09/what-to-do-before-true-love-comes.html
http://princessinawe.blogspot.com/2019/01/ps-what-to-do-on-your-single-years.html

Book recommendations:

Emotional Purity  -  Heather Arnel Paulsen
When God writes your love story - Eric & Leslie Ludy

Three Days Mission (my first "go"ing)

When something's so overwhelming, I find it really hard to put into words.
Here I am attempting to immortalize one of the best three days of my life. :)

It's been more than a week since the Hike For Christ's Movement's three days mission trip in an Aeta community (specifically in Sitio Banawen, San Felipe Zambales). We went there to make disciples and to get to know the community more so that we can serve God better through them.

Looking back before the mission, I was so grateful for the spiritual preparation that we had. We heard and learned from different missionaries who's "been there and done that" in the mission field. One is currently working in reaching out our Muslim brothers and sisters, one is a Discipleship Pastor on one of our congregation and lastly, a group that has the same heart beat as ours in reaching out the tribes in the Philippines. I was inspired with their stories, excellence and boldness. I was touched with their heart to really honor Christ in their ministries. We were so fired up.

But then, I also learned from these exhortations that there will be attacks from the enemy as we attempt to expand the Kingdom.

Days before the mission, it became evident. Internally, I had that unexplained and extraordinary tiredness. Externally, I was suddenly being threatened to be homeless.

 The attacks were great, yes, but I also learned that when the attack is great, it means we're doing something great for the Kingdom as well. That excites me. Moment by moment, I was amazed with His grace and strength that carried me (and the team) through and was able to resolve to "go" no matter what.

Day 1

I had the privilege to lead the group devotion. I was personally reminded that even before we do something, God already affirmed us and is  well pleased because of our faith in Christ. That gave me the confidence to look forward of how He's going to move on our behalf in the next hours and days.

After the devotion, off we go for the three-hour trek under the scorching weather. It was indeed VERY challenging (I could still remember my numb arms, tired feet,dry throat etc.). But more than those, I remember singing worship songs with our not-so-pang-music-team voice, vlogging (haha) and the start of becoming intentional in connecting and knowing the locals. We're grateful for the children (April Boy, Daniel and Christian) who became our guide and the families we met while taking a refuge under the shade of some trees.

And finally around 11 AM or so, we made it!  We then ate our lunch, took a rest and prepare for the house-to-house discipleship.

We were then divided into teams (I was part of Team Grace with Glenn) and we went to different houses with these goals: to know them and make Him known in their life.

We've  heard their stories, hobbies, health concerns, dreams, struggles etc.
We've shared His story of salvation, Lordship and even Repentance.

It's amazing to witness how He's touching lives and I'm so in awe that He allowed us to be part of it!

Day 2

I think this is the most productive day of my life so far. A lot of things happened in a day and seriously, there were moments when I thought "Really, that also happened today?"

We attended the local church. We were welcomed with children singing praises! Tears shed when people shared their testimonies of how amazing God is. How He provided, healed and how He brought people back to Sitio Banawen. We met Ate Rachelle (one of the people supporting the ministry in Sitio Banawen). Her heart for community could be seen writ large while crying over gratefulnes for being back in the Sitio.

 Tears shed again when Ate Chaye spoke on our behalf and said that there are acually many people behind us who are also one with us in loving and reaching the community. Indeed, we're so grateful for those who sent us!

We're also able to finally connect with the local pastor there (Pastora Divina). We prayed for her and believe with her for the community.  She then invited us for a fellowship night and we agreed. Suddenly, we just found ourselves going to her home for lunch (am not so sure what happened,hehe).

We brought adobo and bananas. Pastora prepared pansit, fried fish,rice and.... snake. Yes, you read it right. It's not that she hates us or something. They really cook and eat snakes in the community. I wasn't brave enough to taste it though. :(

After lunch, we had a chance to meet few locals outside Pastora's house. I was so glad to see Judith again. She's one of the children I met on my first visit last year. She's a little bigger now and I also met her little sister!

After that short fellowship, we continued spending time with the kids. Some of us focused on discipling the little children while some focused on the youth. I was able to help out in handling the later.  Ate Chaye encouraged them that they're not too young to be used by God.

We then had a small group to process the Word. This was also my favorite moment since God allowed me to share my testimony to four young women (Jessa, Shiela, Anabelle and Reina). The testimony of how a girl like me (who's so unlikely to go on studying) was able to have a degree. The testimony of how I found my value and identity in Christ alone (not in other people OR in crushes hehe).

They played volleyball after that and I served as a scorer. I was proud that my girls won! :) Yay!

The team then distributed "sopas" to them. Yum!

At night, we had some time and played Uno!!! It was a challenge to play in the dark but it was so much fun!

Time pass by and we ate our dinner. We didn't realize that the people we're actually waiting  for us for the Fellowship night. I'm grateful that God didn't allow us to miss it. When we realized that they're waiting for us, we hastily went!

In the fellowship night,  they danced their traditional Aeta dance for us  and suddenly, they  asked us to dance with them. It was really, really, really an amazing time. We danced and sang (we sang "Awit ng Bayan" for them) praises together too, encouraged one another and pray. I was hoping the night wouldn't end. Awww..

Some of my personal funny moments was when Nanay Luz called me Kenkoy (Nay? why? hahaha). And when one of us thought that the English of "Gawa" is "Job" instead of "Acts".

Really, all of that happened in a day!

Day 3

We woke up early to prepare breakfast. It was a challenge to start a fire and to find the utensils sa madaling araw. Grateful na nakaluto kami just in time.

We resumed our house-to-house discipleship to reach out those who are really far from the community. When we're about to go, we're surprised na sila na mismo yung pumunta sa area kung nasan kami. Nandon na pala sila!

I'm reminded of the verse John 12:32 " And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself." - Jesus

Wow, may Jesus be lifted higher! He is the One drawing people to Himself!

I was amazed with the report that 4 Aeta fathers received salvation at that time.

 I was also able to share the Gospel to Aileen (one of the first girls I met in the community last year) as we went through the One 2 One. This was actually an answered faith goal! "To one 2 one an Aeta girl" I wrote and pray at the start of the year. Nakakaiyak when I'm teaching her how to find the verses in the Bible we gave her. HUHUHUHU. I told her we'll have Chapter 2 when we meet again.

When we're about to leave, one woman went to us so that we can talk to her as well. She went too from afar. She ran so she can catch us! Hirap magpigil ng luha. I was then able to listen to her and shared the message that we're saved by grace alone. I pray I encouraged her as well through prayers.

This is just too sweet of Him!  Thank You Jesus!

We then took some group pictures, bid goodbye and went home. I can't believe it's over.  Talagang nakakaiwan ng puso.

Who would've thought that after being rejected for mission trips multiple times,I was finally able to go? It's amazing  that the then "go" of my God in now "went".

Here's to more "go" ing.
Here's to more of His enabling power.
Here's to more for His glory.

It's just the first.



*Views and opinion expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Hike for Christ Movement.

Dear future husband, I stopped waiting for you...

I stopped waiting for you to make my heart sing. 

I stopped waiting for you to make me smile the brightest. 

I stopped waiting for you to make me know that I'm loved. 

I stopped waiting for you to make my spirit soar high up above. 

I stopped waiting for you to make me safe and secure. 

I stopped waiting for you to have an adventure.  

I stopped waiting for you to live out my purpose. 

I stopped waiting for you to be outward-focused. 

I stopped waiting for you to make me complete. 

I stopped waiting for you to make me so "kilig". 

I stopped waiting for you just to have a company. 

I stopped waiting for you just to cease being lonely. 

I stopped waiting for you to open my bottled water.   

I stopped waiting for you to shower my special days with flowers. 

I stopped waiting for you to know that  I'm beautiful. 

I stopped waiting for you to live life to the full. 

All because Jesus came

Jesus came and this heart knew completion. 

Jesus came and  this heart was filled with all the "kilig". 

Jesus came, and  this heart just overflows. 

Jesus came, and I'm just too in awe. 

Then I started waiting,
Yes, I am waiting...

 on Him.

I am waiting for His promise.

You're His promise to be fulfilled.

And I am utterly excited.

I'm excited to know you.

I'm excited to serve you. 

I'm excited to listen to you. 

I'm excited to pray for you in person. 

I'm excited to encourage you. 

I'm excited to be proud of you. 

I'm excited to believe in you and with you.

I'm excited to help you.
I'm excited to submit to your leadership. 

I'm excited to support you and your calling. 

I'm excited to glorify God with you. 

Happy Heart's Day

P. S.

Pursue Jesus.
Serve. 

Love,
your future wife