Being brave

I recently had a conflict with my family. 

Basically, they wanted to sell cigarettes and alcoholic drinks in our "sari-sari" store and I strongly opposed it. 

They argued na mabenta ang mga ito. 

I argued that though it's not a sin, it's not honoring God since we're giving people what's not good for their life and body. 

Family business has always been in my prayer and ultimately if we're going to have one, I pray that it would  honor God and bless people. It's heart breaking for me not to have the same conviction with my family. 

I ended up crying on our first discussion. Eventually, they told me that they're just kidding. I thought it's already settled that we're not going to sell those things. 

After some days though, I saw cigarettes in my Mom's grocery bag. I thought na baka pabili lang ng Tito ng cousin ko. But then I saw few boxes again on the recent groceries that they bought. 

It's confirmed. Magbebenta nga. 

My heart broke again. 

I took those cigarettes and brought them to my mom and brother. I told them that I thought we're not going to sell cigarettes. But they said na alak lang ang hindi na ibebenta. 

I then said na ako na lang bibili ng mga cigarettes na binili nila basta wag lang kami mag benta non. 

My mom argued na it is a great strategy since wala daw bibili na lalaki kapag walang sigarilyo.

I argued that God is the one who would bless us with customers no matter what. He can't be limited. What's important is that we honor Him.  

My mom became emotional and cried. 

We didn't talk to each other for almost 2 days. Jayson (my boyfriend) said that it's like having a big elephant in our house. It's simply hard to move around. 

I didn't know what to do. It's been so hard for me since I wanted to do everything that I can para lang hindi kami magbenta non at ma honor si God sa business namin. I wanted badly to position our business in a blessing position. Yung walang nakaka block sa blessing ni God. I just really wanted us to honor Him and to trust in Him alone. 

As I seek Him, I learned from my quiet time that conflict is inevitable even to our closest ones since we have different principles and convictions. I was also reminded how God gives free will to people. He's not forcing us to love Him. He's a gentleman.  He wants a love that is really from within rather than just in the externals. 

I realized that I cannot force my family to do something. I can only relay my stand, my opinion, warn them, inform them in a respectful way  but in the end, it is still their own decision whether they would honor God or not.

This morning, by God's grace, I apologized (whew it's so hard, si Lord to) to my family for doing something that offended and hurt them. But then  I said that my stand is still the same. I just can't force them and that in the end, I'm letting them decide. 

Lumiit na nag elepante sa bahay. :) 

But of course, the battle continues in prayers and in the spirit. 

I declare that one day, my family will love what God loves and hate what He hates. We will honor Him in everything, whether in seemingly big or small things! 

P. S. 

It was pretty tiring for my heart. I was wondering if it's right for me to fight for this thing. If God was pleased or not. If it's worth standing for... 

God hugged me through a sister in Christ. She honored my brave heart, said she's reminded of Queen Esther and that God is honored. I cried again. What a comfort to my weary heart! Thank You Daddy God! 

Lessons: Being brave to stand on my conviction. 

               Being brave to apologize if necessary. 

               Being brave to surrender to God. 

               Being brave to continue fighting in prayers. 

               Being brave to believe. 

Christian songs in times of suffering

         

   Here's a little weather report:  It has been so stormy in the past week and the river of tears was just overflowing.

             My stepfather passed away and it's just too sudden. We thought it's only a simple fever and cold. Turned out it's something terminal and he eventually took his last breath. I got the news at around 3:15 AM from my mom. No, no, no! Wait! PLEASE WAKE ME UP!!! I hoped so hard that it's just a bad dream. The storm is approaching hard. 

             Oh, storms. Early in my Christian life, it's been established in my heart that we don't have a storm-free life. Our life is like the Philippines ... may dadating at dadating talaga na bagyo (whether you're a Christian or not). I was also taught na mas marami pa ngang storms ang Christians.  But then, there's hope. 

             Oh, hope. Though we can't have a storm-free life, we can have a storm-proof one. How? By having the right foundation. And our only foundation is JESUS CHRIST. Having  Him can make the pressure inside stronger than the pressure outside. Having Him as the source of  hope, security and peace is everything.

            When I read Narnia, one of my favorite moments is when Aslan was reminding a girl to always remember the word that he spoke to her  because it'll be very hard to hear it once she go to Narnia.

             Same is true with me in my reality. It's a challenge to be reminded of God's Word and who He is when I'm in the midst of a storm. I  tend to forget. I tend to be overwhelmed when I start staring at the storm and stop fixing my gaze on Him.

            I'm grateful that because of  the past storms that went by,  I learned that the best thing to do in times of suffering is to keep on praising Him. It helps heaps to declare to your hurting and weary soul who He is and what He can do.  In the most painful moments, earphones were stuck to my ears or sobrang lakas ng tugtog ng worship songs sa bahay namin! HAHA! It's my suffering hack... and it points me back to Jesus, back to His love, back to my hope and future that He is. It helps me hold on all the more to what He told me in the past.

            Are you suffering? Are you losing hope? Is your faith gone?  Is the fear strong? Is the pain real? Is it hard to heal? Is your joy stolen?  Here's how I fight my battles (but ultimately, He's fighting for us): I read the Bible, be reminded of the past words He spoke to my heart through my journal, ask friends to pray for me, pray and I listen to these Christian songs:   

It is well - Bethel Music

And far be it from me to not believe

Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me

Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

And through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

And through it all, through it all

It is well

Peace - Hillsong Young & Free

There's a peace far beyond all understanding

May it ever set my heart at ease

Dare anxiety come, I'll remember that peace is a promise You keep

Peace is a promise You keep

Not today - Hillsong United

Fear must have thought I was faithless

When it came for my heart

‘Cause I got a song that will never die

I know Your love is the reason why

Stars in the sky - Kari Jobe

The stars in the sky will hang there

'til You tell them to

The faith in my heart will still sing

Of what Your love can do

And even when life weighs heavy on me

I know You're in control

And You're all I need

Steady my heart - Kari Jobe

Even when it hurts

Even when it's hard

Even when it all just falls apart

I will run to You

'Cause I know that You are

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars

You steady my heart

Find You on my knees - Kari Jobe 

So what if sorrow shakes my faith

What if heartache still remains

I'll trust you

My God I'll trust you

'Cause you are faithful

Our God - Chris Tomlin

                                                               

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, Our God

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

Dessert Song - Hillsong Worship

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

Hope of all hearts - Planetshakers

In darkness,

In trial, my soul shall sing

Of his mercy, and kindness

Our offering of praise

Our God never fails

Our God never fails

Even when it hurts (Praise song) - Hillsong United

Even when the fight seems lost

I'll praise You

Even when it hurts like hell

I'll praise You

Even when it makes no sense to sing

Louder then I'll sing Your praise

Defender - Rita Springer 

All I did was praise

All I did was worship

All I did was bow down

All I did was stay still

Yesterday was the last day of my stepfather's funeral. It still hurts that he'll not be around. I still cry when I remember how a blessing he is to us. I still have the pain, but as I listen to these songs, I know the future will still be bright because I have Him there.

May you also be reminded that God is in control, He is good, He loves you and your loved ones, He is your peace, your victory and NO MATTER WHAT, IN EVERY SEASON,  HE deserves all our praises, worship and all the glory! He is our greatest blessing! More than the songs, it's actually  His love that can keep our heart together. Tara let's praise, worship, bow down, stay still.  Smile for Jesus!  

  There is surely a future hope for you, and                    your hope will not be cut off. 

                    (Proverbs 23:18 NIV)

My December Sunset

I really loved staring at sunsets.
It's just that,  it means endings.
Who would want a great time to end?
Who loves to say goodbye to something beautiful?
Staring at sunsets is beautiful but going through it, I realized,  is utterly painful.

It was December 17 and I was in a hurry to go back to Manila. My grandmother was lying on her bed (she was in great pain for days and hours.  I could hear her cry in pain, scream in pain.It was too painful that we were consumed with fear and that it paralyzed us. ).  At that time though, she was still and I was able to sit beside her. I was eternally grateful that God allowed me to pray for her and also apologize for our limitations and  inability to help her.

December 21, I heard that she's in the hospital. I asked for prayers. I was asked by my friend somehow if ever I'm ready if she'll be gone. I nodded (am I?). I told my Mom na ako magbabantay ng Saturday night. I thought it'll be just like the other times that we'll be with her in a hospital . That we'll eventually go home with her feeling better and we'll be able to celebrate Christmas together.  That we'll still be able to cook and eat her cravings ( "Sinigang na Hipon" and "Inihaw na Hito" ). I'm hopeful.

December 22, it was generally a fun day. We got our 13th month. We ate Korean Food. I was picked in a raffle and got Php 300 worth of Robinsons GC. I went to Daiso, bought gifts for my cousin Jhared, a mini photo album  and I was so elated to see a springform pan for less than  PHP 300 (makakagawa na ko ng Cheesecake!!)  I also saw Anne Voskamp book in Booksale for only Php150!!! I was so happy!!! I'll go home happpppyyyyy!!!

I went online to ask for prayers again. It was around 6PM. Right after posting my status though, I read a message in our family's Group Chat stating that my Nanay Lydia's gone. I can't explain the feeling and there was a moment that I wish I'm just dreaming. It's so surreal. I can't feel my fingers, yet it was painful to move (I don't even know if I'm making sense ). The wind is painful again. Posted another status and deleted the previous one.

Went to my dorm. Nagpaload. Called my Mom and prayed with her. Called my Tita and prayed with her. I know they super need strength at the moment. Bought biscuits and coffee at Puregold. The wind is painful. I can't think straight. I even forgot to buy candies!

Went home and rode a bus. I can't believe that best bus ride and the worst could happen in the same week.  For the first time in 25 years, the woman who took care of us, the woman who's always been there for us  is not  anywhere on earth anymore.

December 25. It's our last Christmas with her earthly body.
December 26. I cooked her sinigang na hipon.
December 27. I thanked her for the last time here on earth.

Here's what I said for her Eulogy:


Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

Magandang hapon po sa inyong lahat. ako po si May, isa sa mga apo ni Nanay Lydia. On behalf of our family, lubos po kaming nagpapasalamat sa inyong lahat na nakiramay sa amin. Salamat po sa pag-alala. Salamat po sa pagiging bahagi ng buhay ng aming Nanay Lydia. Salamat po sa inyong pagmamahal sa aming pamilya.

Lubos din po kaming nagpapasalamat sa mga taong naging instrumento ng Panginoon para maging blessing during this challenging journey.

Tita Francy, thank you po sa wisdom, sa pagtulong sa decisoion-making. Sa lahat-lahat po. We can never thank you enough.

Kuya Michael, for being really Nanay Lydia's "one call away" na apo. Thank you for always being there to help her lalong lalo na kapag kailangan na syang dalin sa hospital.

Tito Cesar, salamat po sa pagiging suporta kay Nanay. Salamat po sa sakripisyo nyo po all this time lalo na po nung dinadialysis si Nanay Lydia. We appreciate you so much po.

Dade, Tito Jay and Nanay Lucing, thank you so much po. Tumagal po tayo sa laban dahil po sa tulong ninyo.

We almost lost her last year. It was a miracle na nakadilat, nakangiti  at  nakalakad sya ulit!

Sa buong Tribo ni Inang Iling (yun po yung pangalan ng group chat naming pamilya), maraming maraming salamat.


Ehem..


Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

Ikaw naman po ang papasalamatan ko.

Salamat sa pag-sagot ng "oo" sa tanong ko na yan everytime. Mahal mo talaga ko.

Tingnan mo nasa stage ulit ako oh. Sinasamahan mo ko dito dati eh.Papasabitan mo ko ng ribbon para kapag sinabitan mo na ko ng medal,  may mag pipicture sa atin.

Thank you for being proud of me ever since nalaman ko na ang English ng "Baka" ay "Cow" until now na matutupad na yung pangarap mo para sa akin na maging Teacher. Thank you dahil isa ka sa mga taong naniniwala sa akin.

Thank you sa pagdidisiplina, sa pagpalo sa amin ni Mac kapag nag-aaway kami, tapos ikaw naman yung iiyak after because of your soft heart.

Thank you sa pagdala sa amin sa Jollibee kahit walang tayong pera.

Sa pag-aalaga, sa pagtuturo sa pamamalengke, for wanting only the best for us at sa pasensya. Sorry po sa mga pagkukulang namin.

For 25 years, ngayon lang kami uuwi ng wala ka. Mahirap, masakit.. pero kakayanin.

Kayayanin dahil  may pasko..

Dahil may pasko, may pag-asa
Dahil sa Dahilan ng Pasko na si Hesus, hindi pa ito yung ending
Dahil sa pasko, magkikita pa tayong muli


Jesus, thank You. Thank You sa buhay ni Nanay Lydia.
Thank You dahil Ikaw ang ngiti sa aming mga luha.
Thank You dahil Ikaw lamang ang aming tanging Tagapagligtas.

gaya nga ng sabi mo sa Efeso..

Sapagkat dahil sa kagandahang-loob ng Diyos kayo ay naligtas sa pamamagitan ng pananampalataya; at ang kaligtasang ito'y kaloob ng Diyos at hindi sa pamamagitan ng inyong sarili; hindi ito bunga ng inyong mga gawa kaya't walang dapat ipagmalaki ang sinuman.  (Efeso 2:8,9)

Nay Lydia, salamat dahil kay Jesus ka lamang nagtiwala at hindi sa iyong sarili.

Nay Lydia, wala nang sakit dyan. Wala nang uhaw (because you're with the Living Water). Wala nang kati.
I don't know if you can eat there pero I know-ma sasatisfy na ang mga cravings mo.

Pa hello na lang kami kay Inang dyan.

Nay Lydia. I love you. We love you.

I remember  nung last time I told you this. Ngumiti ka, tumawa tapos sabi mo "Kinder ka pa lang sinasabi mo na yan".

For the last time gaya ng lagi kong tinatanong, bago ako lumuwas...

Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 27. Before they close her coffin, I saw her hand for the last time. Oh, the hand that touched me and the hand I hold. Daddy, how can I let go?

It was a week of fighting the tears. There were times that I lost when I'm alone and remembering our moments together. The hardest was when her lifeless earthly body arrived at home, when it was about to leave home, while I'm sharing the eulogy and whenever I see my Mom, Aunts and Uncle  cry! But I have to control it. I have to stand firm in the promise that I will see her again one day and that she's "safely home" now. He is really my only strength in my weakest moments. I feel like if I start crying with my all, I know it'll be really hard to stop and I might not be able to do anything.  Inhale, exhale. She is okay now. She is finally free from pain. Trust in His word.  She is with Jesus.


Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but He died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit. 1 Peter 3:18

"safely home"

That is why the Good News was preached to those who are now dead--so although they were destined to die like all people, they now live forever with God in the Spirit. 1 Peter 4:6

"they now live forever with God"

Thank You for the Gospel my Lord. Thank You for this wonderful power to save. Your Gospel is indeed peace.

surrendering and fixing my eyes on You

Yes, going through a sunset in utterly painful.
But then, I realized, we can't hate going through sunsets for it's needed for sunrise.
It could also mean a new beginning after all.
This new year is our sunrise. Our new beginning.
His glory will continue to shine in every season.

Still praising You for letting  me be with my Nanay Lydia all these years.

The God Test in Filipino

      Sharing the Gospel to the older generation has been so close to my heart. I lost Inang ( my great grandmother) last year and what kept my heart from being  shattered is the opportunity to share the Gospel to her while she's still alive.  The Gospel is the power of God to save and  I believe and I know that I'll see, hug and call out "INANGGGG" again in heaven.

 Speaking of grandmothers, I visited my friend's house last weekend and met her grandmother. When I'm about to go home, it broke my heart when she said, "Balik ka ulit dito hah? Sa burol ko." In my mind,  I'm screaming "Please no, Lola!!! Hear and believe the Gospel first!!!" 

       
        So, gusto mo rin ibahagi ang mabuting balita (good news / gospel)  sa Lola , Lolo,  Nanay, Tatay, Tita, Tito o sa mga malayo mong kamag-anak gamit ang mga tanong sa "The God Test" ni Ptr. Rice Brooks? Kaya lang medyo challenging I- communicate kay Lola ang mga English na questions di ba?  Ewan. Ako lang ba ang nahihirapan?  Haha. Anyway, I just want to share the questions I asked Nanay Lydia (my Lola and Inang's daughter)  when I shared the Gospel to her some months ago using Side B of The God Test. This might make you laugh or raise your eyebrow, but more than that,  I hope this will  help and inspire you to reach out to the generation ahead of us.

Sample spiel to start (of course it depends on your relationship with them):

"Lola, may mga tanong lang po ako tungkol po sa pananampalataya nyo, ok lang po ba? "

1. Do you believe in God?  

    Naniniwala po ba kayo sa Diyos? 

2.  How would you describe God? 

   Maaari mo bang ilarawan ang Diyos? 

3. What does God expect of us? 

   Ano po ang inaasahan sa atin ng Diyos? 

4. How are you meeting those expectations? Scale 1 -10

(Sobrang hirap nito, promise! Hahahaha)

 Sa one to ten po, gaano nyo po naisasabuhay ang mga ito? One po..hindi nyo talaga naisasabuhay , Ten po..naisasabuhay nyo po talaga...

(Give me an alternative way! Hahaha! HKRB! Miraculously, naintindihan naman ni Lola, haha) 

5. Do you believe in Heaven? 

     Naniniwala ka po ba na mayroong Langit? 

6. Does everyone go? 

     Lahat po ba ng tao ay makakapunta sa langit?

7. Do you believe you will go to heaven? 

Naniniwala ka po ba na makakapunta ka sa langit? 

8.  Why or why not? 

Bakit po? Bakit po hindi? 

9. Would you like to know what the Bible says about these questions? 

Gusto nyo po ba malaman ang mga sagot sa mga tanong na ito ayon sa Bibliya? 

(I'm so excited for this moment!!! Go go go!!! Share the Gospel!!!!) 

10. Are you willing to follow Jesus and trust Him with your life? 

Gusto nyo po bang tanggapin si  Hesus bilang  Panginoon at  Tagapagligtas  at ipagkatiwala ang inyong buhay sa Kanya?

(Then lead her in a prayer and pray for her!)

Yes! Congratulations! You just shared the greatest love story sa iyong pinakamamahal  na Lola , Lolo,  Nanay, Tatay, Tita, Tito!!! I'm rejoicing with you! I pray that they'll be discipled as well. 

This is not official and  not even professional translation (obviously). I'm not sure din if may Filipino version na sa The God Test App. If meron na, then cool, right? But then if you have a better translation  or ideas please do PM me on Facebook, comment below or just do it your way. :) 

To know and learn  more how about The God Test, please do visit their website here:  http://www.thegodtest.org/

If you want to answer The God Test yourself,  just message me or approach me! I'll gladly share to you the great message of all. 

For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes--the Jew first and also the Gentile. Romans 1:16 NLT

Go. Kaya mo yan. Kaya natin to. Be courageous!! Family Salvation di ba? :" )

"See you again Inang"

         While I was riding a bus going to Bulacan after I was informed that my great grandmother passed away, a eulogy for Inang was forming in my head.  I was not yet sure at that time if we'll have something like that or if it's ever possible for me to be the one to speak. Can you imagine that I'm actually writing it on a bus? That's my form of grieving I guess. I don't know.

         Honestly, the feeling was really strange. I remember before that, I was in such a happy event with my Kids church family. It's our general assembly.  I was laughing with Daisy and all, ready to play in the games. But then, I read the text message. I immediately want to go home and be with my family. I know  I need to be with Tita and Nanay Lydia  right away and hug them. The thought that I'll not be with Inang anymore is not yet hitting me that hard I guess.  It' s like it's hard to breath somehow but manageable.  I'll  make it without a tear. I guess. I guess. Inhale. Exhale.  It was effortless at first because of the comforting thought that I shared the Gospel with her  and with  faith, I believe  that she is with Jesus in our home --- heaven.

       When I arrived at our earthly home, I was the unusually/usually  pretty cheerful me I guess. Wanting to comfort my family, I encouraged them and I prayed with Tita. It's the first time in a long time that Inang is not at home when I arrive. It's the first time that I stopped myself from shouting/ calling  "INANG!!!! INANG!!!" though I really want to at that time!  It's an answered prayer that Inang's body is not yet there because I don't know if makakaya ko na ganun ang madatnan sa min.


        Time passed and her body came, now in a coffin. It was again a blurr for me. Focusing on being there for my Tita and Nanay Lydia. I hold their hands while watching them place her there in our living room. My 4 year -old cousin sat with us and I said "Hold hands? hold hands?" I asked him to hold Tita's hands as her tears fall. Death, endings and good byes are really painful isn't it?


         I find it hard to look at her because I don't really look at dead person's face/body. But then I still manage to do so because she's  Inang. It's sad that she doesn't look like herself there. They (the make-up artist) changed her trademark "pangong ilong" and made it into a little  pointed one which is so. not. Inang. hehe.

          But kidding aside, I was unconsiously thinking..where is my Inang? Where did she go? What's gonna happen now that she's gone? All my life she's been there and ... yeah then I'll remember. Yeah then I'll declare.. SHE IS WITH JESUS NOW! And we'll be fine only because God will continue to sustain us.


          The next day my VFs (Victory friends -- Arl, Ana and Gabby) came. I was okay. I managed not to cry or bawl. But I was extremely grateful for them to be there with me in this season. Still, I'm
 asking myself,  am I just trying hard?, am I not being myself, or is it my security in Him? All I can say is that it's only PURE GRACE. He became my strength at that time.  I can't without Him.

The morning of the burial day came.  My brother called me early in the morning to tell me that I'm gonna speak in front later to say the " Pasasalamat" (pretty much like a eulogy.)

Honestly, I was SO excited (with the idea of sharing the Gospel in my whole angkan)! Who wouldn't? I hastily called Jenny and Ana to cover me with their prayers. I polished/ re-write the draft of my Eulogy soon after that.

On the way to Inang's house, I said to my Uncle that I'm gonna be the one to speak later and I 'm pretty nervous.He suddenly told me,  "Akala ko si Kuya Michael mo? Si Kuya michael mo na lang daw ata ah?" I was saddened. Grabe wala lang ba ang pagka excited ko? I prayed,  "Dad, I know You want me to speak. If it's Your will for me to speak later,I know You'll make it happen."

Then Tita told me upon arriving, "Si Kuya Michael mo na lang. I- inglisin mo lang yun. Hindi ka maiintindihan ng mga tao."  Then I told her "Tatagalugin ko promise!!!" (but actually that's my struggle earlier while preparing hehe. Paano ko ba tatagulin 'to? hahah I think Tita really knows me.)

 Then, I told my brother na hindi na ako ang magsasalita. I was so surprised how he reacted. hihi. Surprised how he supported me saying, "mamaya, ibibigay ko sa'yo yung mic habang nilalabas si Inang. Dun ka na lang magsalita. " It's overwhelming talaga. So blessed to have a brother like him. As in.

Sitting there beside Baby Stephen, I was just staring at my prepared speech. Then Kuya Michael suddenly told me " May, tayong dalawa na lang magsalita mamaya. Mauna ka na." I just nod and I'm speechless. In my mind, I'm shouting " Dad, You nailed it again! You made it happen! Whoa, I'm really gonna speak later!!!" Inhale. Exhale.

So there, I started to become really nervous now knowing that something big is gonna happen.
I prayed hard , tried to practice..whew this is it Lord!

1PM came. We attended the mass and then the time has come...

Standing there in front of a lot of people. I started with a greeting "Good afternoon po sa inyong lahat, ako po si May, isa sa mga apo sa tuhod ni Inang Iling..."  (while I was speaking there were some feedbacks, I was just looking at my brother and  I saw him instructing me to hold the microphone. Still, my supportive brother right? I'm so so grateful!)

Then  I remember, I continue by reading my note about Inang, followed by other's might be memories of her, then how I can say "see you again" rather than good bye (wait did I say this?). The confidence that I have is only on what Jesus did and said.  I prepared several verses but I only manage to proclaim John 3:16!!!

After that I was disturbed because I felt like I didn't do well. That I didn't gave justice to the Gospel na baka walang impact etc. But then what's so amazing about Daddy? It's His comforting words:

Sa Matthew 4:16 New Living Translation (NLT), sabi nya:

16 the people who sat in darkness
    have seen a great light.
And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow,
    a light has shined.”[a]


 I read that while I was in the bus going back to Manila.  Amazing di ba? When there's storm inside me, He really knows hows to calm it. And yes, I claim this. A light has shined in my family. :)


Anyway, here are some letters for Inang  na sinulat ko days after..


Inang

miss na kita nuon pa man pero lalo na ngayon
It's hard. Hindi ko na ma imagine.  sobrang naging precious bigla ng mga araw na magkasama tayong dalawa. Yung super trio natin ni Tita, paano na?

Sa tricycle..
Habang kumakain..
Yung pag galaw galaw ng paa mo...
pagnaghahanda tayo
pagnagluluto
tuwing titikman mo ang niluto ko
yung nagpapa piga ako ng muscles mo hihi..

Alam ko gusto mo talaga ng baby sa bahay. Exciting siguro na makita mong hinahalikan si Baby Stephen. Alam ko din na masaya ka para kay tita.


Inang

one week na since wala ka na or ang body mo sa bahay. Ang weird talaga. Nung umuwi ako one time sinabi ko kila nana Iling po. Grabe wala ka na nga pagdating ko..

I really wonder kung anong ginagawa mo dyan in Heaven, I smile when I think na nakakakain ka na ulit and I know walang MSG ang food dyan. Hug!!


See you again Inang. Enjoy Jesus there!


Love,

 Maaaayyyy! <3 nbsp="" p="">

Mt. Manalmon

111 likes on Facebook! Yay! haha! 

It was suposedly a "High school" event but it  turned out to be a "family" bonding time. I was actually so disappointed prior to this hike. I organized this for hs friends yet no one  confirmed and came (maybe they're just so busy). It's  a good thing somehow because the day before the climb, I found out that a "permit" is needed. AND guess what, you need to have it 5 days before the hike! Uh, 5 days? and we will climb tomorrow? Whut???? What to do now?

I hastily call the numbers that I got from different blogs online. Yet, no one answered right away. I way starting to worry (oh nooo). I asked my friends who went there if it's possible to hike  without a permit and they said that we really need it since that's what they did. I still send an e-mail and texted all the numbers that I was calling earlier. I was really sorry this time.

I prayed and just talked to Dad that if it's His will for us to climb, we will. And if not, He's just protecting us.

Just when we're about to give up, I received one  text message! According to him/her, we can still go hiking but we need to sign a waiver. I was so happy! Then I received another one from Sir Rexel (Marketing and Promotions officer of M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.). He asked me to send a letter of intent and the name of participants in another e-mail address. I also received a reply to my e-mail and he asked me to share this to all of you who wants to hike there as well:

This is to inform you the requirements and procedure to get a permit are as follows:

5 days before the activity/event email your letter of intent and the names of the participants to the following addresses:

sanmiguelbulacan1874@yahoo.com

rrboyflorencio@yahoo.com

m.a.d.l.u.m.inc@gmail.com

Wait for their reply or call these numbers to follow-up your application: 

0447640154 - Municipal Office of San Miguel Bulacan

09053726148 - Boy Florencio (Municipal Tourism Officer of San Miguel Bulacan) 

note:

Pls. call during office hours only!!!

Let us know if your permit has been approved or leave your number when you send your request.

To make your arrangements call or text the following before entering the park:

09195746470 - Carlito "Tata Carling" Carpio President M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

09434440033 - Rexel Marketing and Promotions officer M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

" Please share "

Regards,

M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.(Tour Guiding Organization)

How to get there? 

Ride a bus in Cubao going to Cabanatuan/ San Miguel (Five Star/ Baliwag Transit/ ES Transport)                    -I'm not sure how much because we came from our home in San Rafael Bulacan

Say to conductor that you want to down to "Brgy. Kamias, San Miguel" 

Ride  a tricycle going to Sitio Madlum, Brgy. Sibul   (Php 240)

Itinerary

It was so simple for us since we need to go home by 1200 (we have a family lunch).

630 ETD from San Rafael
710 Arrival at Brgy. Kamias

Adventure na, riding a tricycle  pa lang!

750 Arrival at the registration area/ Jump-off

Look for Tata Carling here.

Registration Area, you'll pay Php 10 each, then they'll give you your guide

           
800 Start trek Mt. Manalmon

Mark, our guide talked to us first about the things we need to remember.

Then off we go! We got to pass by the Madlum Cave (Ouch, nauntog ako dito, madilim talaga eh hehe)   then the Madlum River  (yes, you heard it right. The river where 7 students died because of the sudden rush of water. It was so calm at that time. It's hard to imagine how suddenly it could take lives.  Thank God we're safe!!! 

See? 

sa paanan ng bundok

900 At the summit

Thank You for Your love Jesus!!!! (Yes, I shouted this!, but It'll be louder na next time!) 

So happy to be with brothaaa! Joke lang. lol

I really love the sight of mountains!!!!

1000 Start Descent

cover photo!! Aww clouds. One day I will see a sea of you. I'll be higher! Pulag! Pulag! :) 

We were supposed to try caving also but we realized that it will have an additional fee and we're running out of time too if we want to eat lunch at home. So there, we said good bye to our guide, Mark (Tour guide fee is: 300, but we made it 400. Additional 100 for his lunch :)). I felt sad because he thought we'll go caving. :( He was so kind to still assist us because we want to try the Monkey Bridge.

Nakakakaba talaga. Kinabahan ako na mahulog yung hat at eyeglasses ko. hehehe

Yay! I made it! 

Tambay muna while looking for the tricycle. 

So there. It was really short but fun. For those who want to try mountain climbing for the first time or kinakabahan umakyat dahil hindi ka nakakapag exercise, this mountain is good  kasi hindi sya ganon kahirap. Pabebe climb lang. Haha. 

Again, Thank You for Your love Jesus!!! 'til our next climb!

P.S.


Please wag nyo akong gayahin. Kumuha talaga kayo ng permit ah? Thank you!

*Special thanks to Kuya Rexel of M.A.D.L.U.M Inc.!!!

Sitting beside Inang

I watched the movie "Coco" and Mama Coco reminds me of my Inang. (March 15, 2018)

         I'm really fighting the tears as I sit here beside my Inang. Her name is Felisa and people call her Iling. She is my almost 99 year-old great grandmother.She looks skinny, she can't walk now and most of the time, she's asleep. Just like now... 

I just really miss her. This is so not her. This is so not us.

          I miss her shouting my name " Mayyyyyy!!!" and I just know that she will command me to do something. I dread it because I know it' ll seem to be endless. Hindi pa tapos isang utos, meron na naman ulit! She's just like that. Hangga't may ma isasabay, ipapasabay. For her, that's being wise. Pero for me, honestly it's frustrating.

           But as I sit here, guess what? I miss doing the things she asked me to do - cleaning our house, cooking (helping her in making her specialties like atsara, minatamis na kundol, relyenong bangus..) washing her towel, mag almirol ng damit nya, ipagplantsa sya (while watching me), ipitas sya ng ikmo, ibili sya ng bunga, ipagsipilyo sya ng pustiso and all that. I miss her shouting "mauubos ang kuryenteee" when she wants us to stop watching TV. I miss her waking up so early kapag magsisimba sya. I miss seeing her sitting in front of her mirror (applying lotion, putting a lot of powder in her face and body, fixing her hair or even counting her money). I.miss her working on her garden (even in her 90s, dinadamuhan pa nya ang bakuran namin), I.miss her asking me to help.... Wala na. Naiyak na talaga ako remembering these things. She's still here but I'm missing her badly.

           She's the one na hindi ako natiis when I was crying to her na gusto ko talaga mag-aral.

The one who taught me a lot of things. The one who listens to my declarations. The one who always tell me na tipiin ang bibig ko para gumanda ako (hahaha) pero pag binigyan ko naman sya ng pera, sinasabi nya gumaganda daw ako.

           Okay let' s take note of the learnings from her life and some advice from her now para hindi ko makalimutan!

           Magpundar.Magdasal palagi. Ang piliin na lalaki yung mabait at mahal ang Diyos (yes, she always tell me this), makipag kapwa tao, linisin agad ang mga gamit pagkatapos gamitin, isoli ang gamit kung saan kinuha, isangkutsa ng mabuti ang mga ulam, no to MSG, kapag may nakita nang dapat gawin, gawin na!, be presentable and modest!

I learned things in her life na mga dapat at hindi dapat gawin...

Medyo hindi na nya ako maalala these days. Hindi na sya.makasigaw ng "Mayyyyyyy!!!!". When I ask her who I am, she just say "si taga Maynila". Sometimes I could still make her smile but it's becoming more rare. We rarely talk and I rarely hear her voice..

Minutes passed.. I tried to shout and call her in my usual way ... "Inaaangggg!!! Inangggg!!!" but still, she's still. I could just watch her breathing...and I'm somehow thankful for that.

P.S.

Regarding her salvation, I shared the gospel to her one time. I remember praying with her too. I really really really pray that she trusted Jesus alone for salvation. Amen? Amen!!

Day 3 and The rest

Day 3 

           During the third day of prayer and fasting, I failed to write anything! :( Hmm..what happened that day? I think I was so excited of course (because the next day, it'll be Jo's Victory Weekend)  but I think I get to pray for my friend's faith goals as well. I just realized na... gusto ko din ng mga faith goals nila? LOL. I mean, I also want it for them so I'm really expectant. Amazing future ahead of us all. Lalo na ang aking friend na si Gabby, gonna marry a Church-planter eh. #declaration ;)

The rest

I'm learning a lot really from simple happenings:

Praying

• Like when I prayed for a friend during the weekend. It's obvious that something's troubling her. She's not that "in-the-mood" so I was just happy when she asked me to pray for her. While praying, I realized that there's really a tendency to rely on myself than on the Holy Spirit. So always be reminded  na ang goal is not na manghula hula ka ng ipapagpray para ma meet mo yung ineexpect ng tao,  trying to perform blah blah para lang mabigyan ng justification yung title na "intercessor". Be truly led! 

Speaking in Tongues

• Pwede kang makiweekend. What I mean is. You can also be baptised with the Holy Spirit and have the manifestation kahit na hindi ikaw ang participant. Yep, my friend spoke in Tongues while ministering. Amazing. Hindi lang sa weekend mo sya pwedeng matanggap. ;) 

Ministering

• During the orientation for the ministry time, I re-learn loads of things too na pwedeng  i-apply as I make disciple: 

           -It's not about me, it's about the Word of God.

           -Affirm the truth in their lives and truth comes from the Bible (basa basa din ha?) 

           -John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." 

           -Hanapin ang root ng struggle. We need to uproot that! 

           -Identify the lie, then banggain ng truth (ooops but don't forget, speak the truth in love) 

Being a Friend

• Be a friend. Listen. Be there. A friend called me and she's crying due to  work problems and dilemmas. You know those times na talaga namang gusto mong iligtas yung friend mo from their heartaches and trials? I felt that.  I hope I could be wiser and just say the right words para lang may ma realize sya or something para maging ok na sya. Pero yun nga, at the end of the day, listen and be there. Above all, what we could do is point them to the One na may magagwa sa situation nila. To the One who loves them far more than we do. So there. Pray with them and for them. 

Family

• WE VALUE FAMILY. FAMILY SALVATION! Make disciples in  my family! Last Sunday was my brother's birthday! I gave him a shirt with the words "SALVATION IS FOUND IN CHRIST ALONE". I think he likes it kahit na medyo malaki sa kanya. Hehe. Anyway, the highlight was when I  prayed for him while we are biking! Imagine. Wala talagang pinipiling sitwasyon. :) I can just tell that God is at work in my brother. He longs for Him. Lalo na after watching the movie "God's not Dead". I really pray and come on, I DECLARE na MAGIGING MEN OF GOD ang mga kapatid ko! In Jesus' name! :) Now I'm planning to give him Ardy Roberto's Real Men are POGI. Next time, Bible naman. :) 

Leading

• For Daddy Talks, He  read my thoughts: siguro mas mag gro-grow sila kung iba yung leader nila..kasi ganito lang ako.blah blah blah..

Pero eto yung sagot Nya  in Matthew 14:15-18 :

15 As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”

16 Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

17 “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

18 “Bring them here to me,”

Kahit gaano pa kaliit ang maibibigay ko asa leader, ibibigay ko muna kay Jesus yun then Sya na ang bahalang mag multiply. :) 

Random yet I really treasure these things :)