When God writes our Love Story (part 1)

His story before her eyes

January 13, 2020 Monday


It’s the day after the Taal Volcano erupted. It’s the day that suddenly a mask became a necessity in life. It’s the day that my small group leader went home after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl.


While at work, I received a message from our common friend Jayson wanting to visit the new born baby. He asked me to wear a mask on my way for precaution. I told him I didn’t get to buy one. He said he had extras and will just hand them to me later.

Suddenly, the husband of my small group leader asked us to come some other time because they need time to rest. I thought it’s okay. Maybe we can just visit next time. My friend suggested though that we still meet because he will give me something.

“Yung mask?” I asked.

“Hahaha. Iba pa yun.” He answered.

And I agreed.

I went home first and changed to a more comfortable set of clothes (jeans and our outreach T-shirt). I admit that I wondered what else he would give me. I told Dad, “Dad, maybe he would give me A. Pasalubong (he just got back from Cebu) B. A book?”


On my way to Morayta, along Recto Ave.( while I was just staring outside not really thinking about anything), a taxi appeared in front of me with an MX3 ad at the back and it includes a verse. It’s Ecclesiastes 3:11a which says…

“He has made everything beautiful in its time”.


What I felt after I received the Word was definitely indescribable but it’s somehow a mixture of awe, joy, excitement, wonder and nervousness.

I prayed in the Spirit and in my mind. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I prayed for God’s will to be done.


On the second floor of a chicken place, there he was. He laughed at what I'm wearing as soon as he saw me since I looked like I'm going on a hike or an outreach. He then went down to order.


As for me, I searched for Ecclesiastes 3:11a on my Bible app and stared at it while waiting and talking to Daddy God.


"Dad, what do You mean? Is it really going to happen now? Now? No, maybe not. I don’t think so. Yes? No? Your will be done. "


He came back, we ate and chatted. I eventually thought it's just one of our normal chikahan time.


He then said he remembered that he'll give me something...

"Ou nga pala may ibibigay ako sa'yo!"

"Yung mask!" I said.

And I'm right.

He handed me the masks.

Then when I looked at him again, he's holding a box of dried fruits. It's a pasalubong from Cebu!

On my mind, "Sabi ko na Dad, pasalubong eh! Pero bakit ang laki naman neto?"

While having those thoughts and thanking him, I looked at him again and he' s holding something else… an envelope, a letter.

I asked if I should read it now or later. He said it's up to me.

"Okay, now na lang."

And I read it.

He honored and thanked me for our friendship, but at the end of the letter.. there's a sentence that surprised, shocked and kinda bewildered me...

"And I want you to know that I'm now ready to take our friendship to the next level..."


And it's like everything stopped, everything became blurry, and I felt like I'm not myself(I need to ask him how I looked at that time. Hahahahaha Love?) I was so not ready.

I'm glad I was still able to open my mouth and say something...

"Paki elaborate nga Cher…"


Then he said a lot of things..his intentions, vision, plans etc.( I really regret not recording it huhuhu. )

I could only remember a few lines that made it harder for me to breathe..

"I see you as my wife...as someone I can spend the rest of my life with .. someone na ipapakilala ko sa pamilya ko…It's something that I'm really really sure…" (non-verbatim)

At ang dami na po napulot ng mga men na may balak mag lay down dyan. Hahaha.

I then asked questions like "Why me? (though sinabi na nga nya sa letter)" And "What's God's Word for you about this?" And he answered.

I don’t know what else  to say and I apologized for not having any speech or whatever.

After some time, he gave a small sunflower that he hid in his bag. 😊🌻

I was honestly so so so happy!!!!It's a dream-like kind of happy. What? Basta sobrang saya. 😅

But I know it's something that is not just about me or him...It's ultimately about God and His will for us.


I remembered my conviction that I will only enter a relationship that will bring Him glory and honor.

I prayed on my head..

"Dad, I'm so happy… but, are You?"

I needed some time to pray and think about saying Yes to courtship.

I’m grateful that he said that there's no pressure to give him an answer right away.

And so I didn't answer yet at that time…




When I went home, I couldn't believe what just happened. As in parang panaginip lang talaga. Honestly, I dreamt of him laying down his intentions for about three times already. I would then wake up and think "Oh, It's only a dream".

I was tempted to pinch myself to check if it really happened. I kept looking at the sunflower and the letter he gave... they're my proof that it's real!


It's real and I really need to seek God for this.


I needed just a few days to review what Daddy God's been telling me on my devotions. I also talked to my leader and sisters in Christ.


Eventually, I said yes to courtship..

How I answered was our #kwentongJollibee.


He was there waiting for me, wearing a yellow shirt holding those three big yellow sunflowers.

We ate dinner and he's just supposed to give me some baby stuffs for our friend's baby. Before we said goodbye, I handed him a prayer list for the persecuted churches around the world. At the back, I wrote…


"Jayson,

Thank you for waiting. Yes, I allow you to pursue me."


And the flashback starts...


2017


I was learning something new. My lesson with Dad at that time was treating my brothers in Christ as that - brothers, not potential boyfriends. I was really determined to have pure friendships.


I prayed hard and the next day, I met Jayson in Kids church. I remember being so comfortable sharing how God brought me to South Korea. I got my first impression then - He’s a good listener. He could be a good friend.


We became friends on Facebook (I don’t know how that happened or who added who), co-volunteers in Kids church, teammates in Singles Camp (Team Solar!) and batchmates in Leadership 113.


Somewhere in between (I don’t know what’s happening to me), I started to be attracted to him (I guess I failed to guard my heart). I just found myself happy when he’s around at our church events and a little sad when he’s not.


I had thoughts or visions that one day, he would send me a message and one day I would sit beside him in a bus (I knowwww it’s soooo weird! I didn’t understand what’s happening to me either).

I started to follow him on Instagram and after some months I guess, I checked if he’s following me too. Guess what?

He isn’t.

He’s not following me!!!!


I then came to my senses.

I’m nothing but a churchmate, an acquaintance. Not even a friend.
And so in an instant, all that attraction or whatever weird I’m feeling... totally disappeared.





After some months though, My grandma was not feeling well and I posted a status asking for prayers.
I was so surprised when he sent me this message:

“Praying for your Lola Lydia, Aicah! God is sovereign :)”


I remember being so shocked.

He actually sent me a message.
He sent me a message?!
He sent me a message!

It was just one of my wishful thinking right?! I just couldn’t believe it! And so eventually, the weird feeling totally came back.


I started calling him “orange” but I can’t remember why. I would be happy when he would greet me with a happy birthday saying that I’m a blessing to the next generation or when he lifted a chair for me on one of our training sessions at Kids Church. I even started talking about him to my friends and co-teachers. Hehe. Obvious ba? Crush ko na ata talaga sya. Hahaha. (Love, Belle knew about you even way back in 2017 omoo)





December 2017


There was a sudden plan for a Christmas dinner with the other kids teachers. I thought of something to give them that was both personalized and affordable. I had an idea to give them printed pictures of their 2017 highlights. I visited their timeline to grab some pictures and on his, I saw the smiles of the children that they’re reaching out for in an outreach. We ate at Mad Marks Glorietta and there I heard more about Hike for Christ Movement.

After the dinner, we’re on the same way home so sabay kami. I was honestly so kilig and Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” was just playing on my head.

We rode the bus together. We were standing in the bus at first but then he found a seat for me. He eventually sat beside me.


He sat beside me on a bus.
He sat beside me on a bus?
He sat beside me on a bus!

Another vision came true. I was so amazed!!!!!

“It's amazing how He kept my heart together.

How I was still allowed to breathe, to laugh, to listen and to speak.” 

I wrote more about that night here:

http://princessinawe.blogspot.com/2017/12/it-was-just-dream.html

After a month, my lesson from Daddy God was being “outward-focused”, I wanted to do more for the Gospel. I then saw on Facebook that Hike for Christ Movement will have an Engage Event soon and I instantly had a desire to be a part of it.

Okay, so...Hike for Christ Movement.

Jayson is a part of that and I am well aware of my feelings toward him.


It's such a recipe for the wrong motivation of doing a thing right?


I had to pray and assess myself hard.

Here’s an excerpt of what I wrote on my post about my first hike for Christ:


“I doubted my motivation and intention. Am I really doing this for Him alone or am I just gonna do it for myself? :"( I needed some time to think about that because, I'm not so sure of my heart. I needed to surrender to Him and to His purposes and will alone. "Dad, I don' t want to go if this is just about me and my selfish desires."

Fear crept in too. I talked to my friends about it and one well- meaning friend asked me if I'm sure about it because she heard some volunteers died few years ago while crossing a river for an outreach event. The other volunteers were also traumatized. She asked if we have to cross a river, and I said I'm not sure. She advised me that if we have to cross a river, please, if possible, ask for another route.

I started asking, "Dad, is this wise?Should I back out if we have to cross a river? Is this really Your will for me? "

I'm really amazed when He let me encounter these words:

"...stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

Princess. in awe. indeed.

GRABE. Okay, so stand firm daw. Trust tayo.

He knows I needed more encouragement so eto pa..

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12

For you were slaughtered, and your blood has ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9b


The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

YAY!!!! Okay, Lord. Let's do this!!!!”



It involved risking my life.


That’s how I knew I’m not doing this because of my crush but only because of my Christ.



Off we go!
It was such a great time doing an outreach. I was eventually asked to be a part of the HFCM’s Core Team. I had to really ask Daddy to help me guard my heart. It was really tough ‘cause I will see him more often and he’s always been so kind to me.

And he did continue to be so kind to me and I know he is to everyone else (thanking Daddy God for not allowing me to be an "assumera").


I had  then a cycle of admiring him, surrendering to God, letting my feelings go, admiring him again, surrendering to God and then letting my feelings go again.


There were many times that I cried hard just for Him to help me get rid of my feelings (I even did some extreme measures just to guard my heart like hiding some of my posts from him so that my motivation will not be so that he could see them and also to be guarded from unnecessary kilig every time he would react).


“Daddy, please...if it’s not him, take these feelings. If it’s not him, I know it’s someone better and if it’s not me then someone better.”


It was honestly tiring and I was really disappointed with myself (because I'm so struggling).


One day, God amazingly helped me when I eventually had a revelation on Proverbs 31:12...


“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”


It talks about being a blessing to my moG (man of God - how I call my future husband) even before I meet him. I was continually writing to my future husband at that time and my lesson from God was loving him even before being with him. I realized that admiring or being into another man while waiting for him doesn’t bring him any good so I got to stop.


Not just that, for almost a decade, I had the ultimate lesson of Jesus being my ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment, of pursuing Jesus first before marriage hopes and dreams and so does serving more than searching for moG.


And so slowly (yes, slooowwwwwlyyyy), by His grace, I was able to treat him purely as a brother. I was eventually able to be really happy and excited for him if ever he will soon lay down his intentions to pursue another lady.


I started to really focus on loving Jesus and his man for me. I learned to honor and genuinely enjoy and love my season.

It was such a beautiful time.


By December 2019, I received a Word from the book of Ruth,


“One day Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for.” Ruth 3:1


My heart quickened in the phrase “it’s time” and “permanent home” (ok pwede na rin “you will be provided for” hahaha). 

All I could say was, “Okay, Dad. Thank You! In Your time, in however way You planned it.”


And another Word…


“Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. The man won’t rest until he has settled things today.” Ruth 3:18

Whoa, the man won’t rest until he has settled things.

“Okay, Dad. Your will be done.”

While preparing my faith goals for 2020, I received another Word,

“For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 NLT

Something new.


Something new happened indeed.

For years, I consistently wrote “moG”, “to be moG’s friend” or “to know who moG is” as my faith goals . It was automatic. But this year, I surprisingly hesitated. I surrendered everything to Him. I simply wrote and prayed that I want a “God-written love story”. One that He alone wrote. I surrendered the pen (including my own timeline hehe).


During our prayer and fasting week, I received another Word from 1 Samuel, the phrase “..I will send you a man..” spoke to my heart.


And I responded again with “Okay, Dad. Thank You. In Your time, in however way You want it to happen.”



January 11, 2020


I found myself at the Planetshakers’ Rain concert. It was God’s early miracle for me. I stored in my heart the revelation that I would really be anywhere or any situation that He wants me to be. There, I had a great date with Jesus. I was crying most of the time because my heart was just overflowing with His love and security. He was so enough for me, for this heart. Waaaah I’m gonna tear up writing this! Jesus, I’m so grateful!!!

January 12, 2020


We had a new year HFCM gathering at Buddy’s Shopwise Cubao.While walking around, naiiyak ako ng sobra. I think grabe pa din yung pagka overwhelm ng heart ko how I could live this life with Jesus and that He is so enough for me. No matter what the future holds, whether may moG or wala, as long as I have Him, I will definitely be okay and in awe!






Anyway, during the HFCM gathering, we shared some of our faith goals. He shared his and one of them is to finally pursue someone (I can’t remember the exact words but something like that hehe). I found myself being so excited for him along with the others and we cheered. I got excited to know who that blessed woman is. I know she’s a great woman and gonna be the best for him. I’m surprisingly genuinely happy for him!!


As for me, my faith goals were more on my relationship with God, studies and board exam, when they asked me about having a love life this year...I simply answered...


“Bahala na lang sila mag-usap ni Lord."




And they did.

The next day, Jayson laid down his intention…



When I think of God’s story of us, I remember the story when God gave Eve to Adam in Genesis 2:


18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.


21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs[d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.


The Lord made a woman….and He brought her to the man.


The Lord made me, He formed and prepared me towards becoming the woman that he wants me to be over the past years. I had a great Father and daughter time and it was such a great adventure. Even before he would have feelings for me, God has been working in my heart already. Oh, how He planned to bring me to this man all along!


Sometimes I wish our story was different...na hindi ako yung unang nagkacrush.... Na sana hindi ganun...na sana ganito.. But… that’s how He wrote it and if it didn’t happen..am not sure if it would be this beautiful…


In all these...


Definitely all I could say is,

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11a

He beautifully wrote it. What an amazing writer!!!!                                                                                    

                                                       

Answered Faith Goals 2019

Last January and July 2019, I believed God for these and He showed Himself  faithful in His sweetest time!

Personal Faith Goals 

• Physical Healing 

I had my APE last November and I was not diagnosed with UTI anymore!

He also healed me of Dengue by October. I'm one of the women He healed indeed!  

• To be insured and to have investments 

 I'm finally with SunLife with  Kuya Francis as my Financial Advisor. 

• To have regular savings 

Pag-ibig MP2 is a blessing! 

• Increased Salary 

Daddy God gave the exact amount that I asked Him! Amazing! 

• Increased Tithe 
• To sow in a wedding and a baby 

I even became a Maid of Honor (this was such a dream come true!) and a Ninang for the second time!  

• To have a bed table and new pillows 

My family 

• Not to lose anyone this year 

Thanking God for good health, safety and protection!  

• To attend a worship service together 

I attended a service again with my Mom!  She even asked one morning "Hindi ba tayo mag-service?" 

• Provision for House renovation 
• Smart TV 
• Travel 

I went to Tagaytay with my Mom on her birthday!  

My Education/ Career 

• To get a subject everytime mag e-enroll 
• EDL 121 (super dream subject) 
• EDFD 221 
• Favored schedule and professor 
• Great connection with classmates and students 

I met Rachel, Marla and Gen!  

• To finish my Educ Units 

Yes, He completed! 1.2917!!!!

•  Excellent class flow 
• High score in monitoring 
• To be a Best Teacher 
• High grades 
• New UP ID 

My Ministry 

• Victory weekend for Sky and Pearl  
• Church community for them 
• More Junior Kids Teachers (Sky even became one of our Teachers!) 
• Excellence as a secretary of Hike for Christ Movement (by faith hehe) 
• To One 2 One an Aeta Kid 

Chapter 1 pa lang, praying na matuloy pa! 

• To One 2 One Heather 
• To share the Gospel to co-teachers 
• Bonding with VFs again 
• Water Tank for Sitio Banawen 
• Excellent outreach (Pasko sa Banawen! My heart was full!) 

My Church 

Victory Sta. Mesa (volunteers, strategic location, excellent building and facilities)

It was just a prayer but now it's real! We're really having a center at Sta. Mesa!!!

My Community

• For Manila to be cleaner
• To be more modern 

I was surprised how God answered this through Mayor Isko!!! 

My Nation 

Leaders with fear of the Lord (Vico Sotto won!!!)

In all this, I can only say "Our God is faithful" and "He never leaves us nor forsake us". 

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Corrie Ten Boom  

"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe"- Augustine of Hippo 

"It's not because I'm a good daughter but because I have a good Father." 

"It isn't about us having a perfect scenario but it's about God showing Himself faithful". 

Three Days Mission (my first "go"ing)

When something's so overwhelming, I find it really hard to put into words.
Here I am attempting to immortalize one of the best three days of my life. :)

It's been more than a week since the Hike For Christ's Movement's three days mission trip in an Aeta community (specifically in Sitio Banawen, San Felipe Zambales). We went there to make disciples and to get to know the community more so that we can serve God better through them.

Looking back before the mission, I was so grateful for the spiritual preparation that we had. We heard and learned from different missionaries who's "been there and done that" in the mission field. One is currently working in reaching out our Muslim brothers and sisters, one is a Discipleship Pastor on one of our congregation and lastly, a group that has the same heart beat as ours in reaching out the tribes in the Philippines. I was inspired with their stories, excellence and boldness. I was touched with their heart to really honor Christ in their ministries. We were so fired up.

But then, I also learned from these exhortations that there will be attacks from the enemy as we attempt to expand the Kingdom.

Days before the mission, it became evident. Internally, I had that unexplained and extraordinary tiredness. Externally, I was suddenly being threatened to be homeless.

 The attacks were great, yes, but I also learned that when the attack is great, it means we're doing something great for the Kingdom as well. That excites me. Moment by moment, I was amazed with His grace and strength that carried me (and the team) through and was able to resolve to "go" no matter what.

Day 1

I had the privilege to lead the group devotion. I was personally reminded that even before we do something, God already affirmed us and is  well pleased because of our faith in Christ. That gave me the confidence to look forward of how He's going to move on our behalf in the next hours and days.

After the devotion, off we go for the three-hour trek under the scorching weather. It was indeed VERY challenging (I could still remember my numb arms, tired feet,dry throat etc.). But more than those, I remember singing worship songs with our not-so-pang-music-team voice, vlogging (haha) and the start of becoming intentional in connecting and knowing the locals. We're grateful for the children (April Boy, Daniel and Christian) who became our guide and the families we met while taking a refuge under the shade of some trees.

And finally around 11 AM or so, we made it!  We then ate our lunch, took a rest and prepare for the house-to-house discipleship.

We were then divided into teams (I was part of Team Grace with Glenn) and we went to different houses with these goals: to know them and make Him known in their life.

We've  heard their stories, hobbies, health concerns, dreams, struggles etc.
We've shared His story of salvation, Lordship and even Repentance.

It's amazing to witness how He's touching lives and I'm so in awe that He allowed us to be part of it!

Day 2

I think this is the most productive day of my life so far. A lot of things happened in a day and seriously, there were moments when I thought "Really, that also happened today?"

We attended the local church. We were welcomed with children singing praises! Tears shed when people shared their testimonies of how amazing God is. How He provided, healed and how He brought people back to Sitio Banawen. We met Ate Rachelle (one of the people supporting the ministry in Sitio Banawen). Her heart for community could be seen writ large while crying over gratefulnes for being back in the Sitio.

 Tears shed again when Ate Chaye spoke on our behalf and said that there are acually many people behind us who are also one with us in loving and reaching the community. Indeed, we're so grateful for those who sent us!

We're also able to finally connect with the local pastor there (Pastora Divina). We prayed for her and believe with her for the community.  She then invited us for a fellowship night and we agreed. Suddenly, we just found ourselves going to her home for lunch (am not so sure what happened,hehe).

We brought adobo and bananas. Pastora prepared pansit, fried fish,rice and.... snake. Yes, you read it right. It's not that she hates us or something. They really cook and eat snakes in the community. I wasn't brave enough to taste it though. :(

After lunch, we had a chance to meet few locals outside Pastora's house. I was so glad to see Judith again. She's one of the children I met on my first visit last year. She's a little bigger now and I also met her little sister!

After that short fellowship, we continued spending time with the kids. Some of us focused on discipling the little children while some focused on the youth. I was able to help out in handling the later.  Ate Chaye encouraged them that they're not too young to be used by God.

We then had a small group to process the Word. This was also my favorite moment since God allowed me to share my testimony to four young women (Jessa, Shiela, Anabelle and Reina). The testimony of how a girl like me (who's so unlikely to go on studying) was able to have a degree. The testimony of how I found my value and identity in Christ alone (not in other people OR in crushes hehe).

They played volleyball after that and I served as a scorer. I was proud that my girls won! :) Yay!

The team then distributed "sopas" to them. Yum!

At night, we had some time and played Uno!!! It was a challenge to play in the dark but it was so much fun!

Time pass by and we ate our dinner. We didn't realize that the people we're actually waiting  for us for the Fellowship night. I'm grateful that God didn't allow us to miss it. When we realized that they're waiting for us, we hastily went!

In the fellowship night,  they danced their traditional Aeta dance for us  and suddenly, they  asked us to dance with them. It was really, really, really an amazing time. We danced and sang (we sang "Awit ng Bayan" for them) praises together too, encouraged one another and pray. I was hoping the night wouldn't end. Awww..

Some of my personal funny moments was when Nanay Luz called me Kenkoy (Nay? why? hahaha). And when one of us thought that the English of "Gawa" is "Job" instead of "Acts".

Really, all of that happened in a day!

Day 3

We woke up early to prepare breakfast. It was a challenge to start a fire and to find the utensils sa madaling araw. Grateful na nakaluto kami just in time.

We resumed our house-to-house discipleship to reach out those who are really far from the community. When we're about to go, we're surprised na sila na mismo yung pumunta sa area kung nasan kami. Nandon na pala sila!

I'm reminded of the verse John 12:32 " And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself." - Jesus

Wow, may Jesus be lifted higher! He is the One drawing people to Himself!

I was amazed with the report that 4 Aeta fathers received salvation at that time.

 I was also able to share the Gospel to Aileen (one of the first girls I met in the community last year) as we went through the One 2 One. This was actually an answered faith goal! "To one 2 one an Aeta girl" I wrote and pray at the start of the year. Nakakaiyak when I'm teaching her how to find the verses in the Bible we gave her. HUHUHUHU. I told her we'll have Chapter 2 when we meet again.

When we're about to leave, one woman went to us so that we can talk to her as well. She went too from afar. She ran so she can catch us! Hirap magpigil ng luha. I was then able to listen to her and shared the message that we're saved by grace alone. I pray I encouraged her as well through prayers.

This is just too sweet of Him!  Thank You Jesus!

We then took some group pictures, bid goodbye and went home. I can't believe it's over.  Talagang nakakaiwan ng puso.

Who would've thought that after being rejected for mission trips multiple times,I was finally able to go? It's amazing  that the then "go" of my God in now "went".

Here's to more "go" ing.
Here's to more of His enabling power.
Here's to more for His glory.

It's just the first.



*Views and opinion expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Hike for Christ Movement.

First Hike For Christ

I wanna set the world on fire

Until it's burning bright for You

It's everything that I desire

Can I be the one You use?

I want to put  the lyrics of  one of my earliest favorite Christian songs - Set The World on Fire by Britt Nicole in this post because it's been my anthem since I heard it in a youth service. I loved and prayed this song.  I believe that God used this to give me a vision that one day.. He will use me, one day, I will be beyond myself, one day,  I will set the world on fire. That's a big vision though and I felt so small...

Just like how it is in the song:

I, I am small but

You, You are big enough

I, I am weak but

You, You are strong enough to

Take my dreams

Come and give them wings

Lord with You

Nothing I can not do

Nothing I cannot do

...but He is big enough and strong enough.


Last Saturday (February 10, 2018) marked my first participation in an out of town outreach event. It happened over at Sitio Banawen, San Felipe Zambales.

My journey towards this event and the event itself was simply amazing.

Last December, we had a dinner bonding with my Kids ministry family. I wanted to give something to my co-volunteers to remind them of God's faithfulness over the year 2017.  I thought of giving them printed pictures of some of the highlights of their year. I visited their timelines and chose pictures! One of the pictures that I loved was the picture of the children smiling in Teacher Jayson's post (he's a part of a movement called Hike for Christ Movement  and they had an outreach event in a community last December). I chose that picture and gave it to him. He talked about it and the movement over our dinner and in my heart, I uttered "Dad, I hope I could also do something like that".

I wanna feed the hungry children

And reach across the farthest land

And tell the broken there is healing

And mercy in the Father's hands

Days after, my grandmother passed away and the brevity of life was taught to me and I also eventually discovered the beauty of outward-focused life . I really wanted to do more for Him in this lifetime. It became a faith goal to serve more and to do more for women, children and the Gospel.

I liked the facebook page of Hike for  Christ Movement (HFCM) sometime last year and I started to see their posts. I was thrilled to discover that they will have an event soon and it's an "Engage" event!  Children + Evangelism! Oh, my heart. Hehe.  "Dad, can I be part of that?"

I remembered  this Word:

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

He planned for me to do good things. He created me anew for these things. WHOA.

I sent them a message, clicked going, last two slots na lang but still can't help but be so excited!

But a few weeks before the event, doubts crept in and so does fear.

I doubted  my motivation and intention. Am I really doing this for Him alone or am I just gonna do it for myself? :"( I needed some time to think about that because, I'm not so sure of my heart.  I needed  to surrender to Him and to His purposes and will alone. "Dad, I don' t want to go if this is just about me and my selfish desires."

Fear crept in too. I talked to my friends about it and one well- meaning friend asked me if I'm sure about it  because she heard some volunteers  died few years ago while crossing a river for an outreach event. The other volunteers were also traumatized.  She asked if we have to cross a river, and I said I'm not sure. She advised me that if we have to cross a river, please, if possible, ask for another route.

I started asking, "Dad, is this wise?Should I back out if we have to cross a river? Is this really Your will for me? "

I'm really amazed when He let me encounter these words:

"...stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

Princess. in awe. indeed.

GRABE. Okay, so stand firm daw. Trust tayo.

He knows I needed more encouragement so eto pa..

 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12

For you were slaughtered, and your blood has ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9b
The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

YAY!!!! Okay, Lord. Let's do this!!!!

Along the way, I'm amazed at how supportive my friends and co-workers are. They gave hygiene kits and donated. I'm beyond grateful for their beautiful hearts! This made me so excited.

Feb. 9    Prepared and slept for an hour
Feb. 10  Walked around Cubao at almost midnight. I'm not sure kung may jeep pa from SM Fairview na dadaan sa may P. Tuazon. Inhale. Exhale.

And, yay! Meron pang jeep! I had a little accident though. Biglang nag preno yung driver because of a cat. Hindi ako nakahawak. My right knee hit the metal at the back of the driver. Huhuhu. "Dad, please. May it not be serious."  I started to kinda panic because it's painful nung tatawid na ko, bigla pang may truck na mabilis so I had to walk faster. Wahhhh! Whew. Great thing that I could still walk well. (Right now, I noticed na may pasa pa din yung knee ko. hehe)

Anyway! I arrived at the meeting place (Jollibee) and awkwardly asked a woman  inside if they are from HFCM. She  shaked their head though. Texted someone from HFCM and asked where they are. He said that they're outside near a speaker.

Yay! I found them! I met Grace and Mat (Hi girls! It's so lovely to meet you!) . It's Mat's first time too and we had good chat. I also met Van and eventually, Jayson arrived and introduced Pao to us. It's her first time too! She is such a sweet young woman. I'm so happy that we're on the same van - Van 1!

We also met the other volunteers  inside the van and prayed before we go.  It was kinda hard to sleep. I don't know.. did I sleep? Maybe I did.Hehe.   It was cold and I regret  not bringing my sweater. :"( Anyway, I'm happy that the other volunteers could finally have a good rest. Hopefully. Hehe.

Ate at Jollibee for breakfast. (I don't know kung saang Jollibee na haha)
Chaye (HFCM's founder)  said something that made me blush. HAHAHAHA.  Ayoko na sabihin. I'll just keep it in my heart. I'm sooooo grateful to finally meet her!!!! (Hi Chaye, if you're reading this, I also want to say to you what you said to me (I hope you remember)  and even more because I also saw a glimpse of your beautiful heart!!!)

Went  back to the van. Tried to sleep and the sun is rising.

Eventually, we're there! The mountains greeted us.  Had a huddle time.Prayed. Got my shirt (Oh, the shirt's awesome!). Carabaos arrived and flashback starts. I remember riding it when I was young in a harvest season (pauwi galing bukid at nakahiga sa mga sako ng palay). Hehe. This time,  walang palay (just our bags) and sumakay kami. :") It's wonderful to experience it again.


Nung tamawid na kami ng unang ilog (eto na, yung ilog!), I was riding the carabao and I was staring at my feet and the water. I remember His word for me:

 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12

Biglang nagkapakpak yung kalabaw sa paningin ko. It's like an angel used by God for me at that time. HEHEHEHE. Kasi nga na amazed ako na nakaangat yung paa ko sa ilog habang tumatawid!

Glad to have good chat and hugot with other volunteers too like Dina, Albert and Earl!

Pao and I  eventually walked and encountered yung iba pang mga  ilog  na mababaw lang.  I thought,
"eto ba yung mga ilog na kinatakutan ko? Awww Dad, sorry."

Now, when I close my eyes I can still remember the lahar on my feet, the clear water, yung mga talahib and the mountains!!!!

We arrived at Sitio Banawen at around almost 11 AM. We had  our morning devotion and I'm amazed that Lorainne shared the Word that God gave to me for the new year - Ephesians 2:10!!!!!

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. :")

We had a delicious early lunch (tinola and tilapiaaa)!!!! And I got another answered prayer (It was a prayer to Daddy to really help and not be a burden)! Earl asked me to help him as he share the Bible story to the kids. (Earl, I hope I did help you. HAHA)

Find Me. HAHA

Had a huddle time with the kids! I talked with two girls and three boys with random ages. It's warms my heart  that they know Jesus. I think when they know Him and call unto Him, they are rich in life already. Why did I say that? because I experienced talking to well-off children who doesn't even know His Name. One once told me, "Jesus, what's that?" That's  one of the most heartbreaking thing and worst than being poor for me.

Okay so back to our  huddle time, I pounded more how great God is in creating things and even greater because He sent Jesus for us. He gave His best for us and nothing is impossible with Him. I wanted to inspire them to keep on dreaming and lift their future to Him. I asked them what they want to be and they answered that they want to be a soldier, policeman, teacher and ...a Pastor! An 11 year-old boy said it! WHOA. Oh, I really hope he would be!!!

We had a group picture and we started giving the hygiene kits, Chicken Joy, toys,  juices, Bibles and some clothes. It was challenging at first to keep things organized because the people we're pretty aggressive and ... excited? hehe. Eventually, it was okay and I had a  little chat with other kids as well. I met Aileen, a pretty girl and had a small talk with her and her sister-in-law too.  I'm surprised when she asked for my number. hehe. I also had a chance to talk to a grandmother. I asked her if she's happy that we're there and she smiled brightly with her yes.  :")

We ate an egg sandwich, cleaned the place, took some pictures, took the group picture, more pictures and rode the carabao again going home.

After 2 and a half hours of staring at the mountains, sharing stories, jokes (HAHAHA PAO!!!!!) , sound trip, praise and worship, we arrived where our vans are. Changed clothes, went inside the van, prayed and exchange stories and funny moments.

Slept and woke up to eat dinner. We ate at Rico's (I think that's in Subic).  Listened to a love story and ate Sinigang na Hipon after a long wait. We went back to the van and sleep... ... .... ....woke up at times and then sleep... ... ...sleep. And tanannnnn! Hello Cubao! :")

Thank You Daddy God for our safety!



Awww. It's time to say goodbye to one of the best 24 hours of my life.  Bid goodbye to the other volunteers  and I'm sad. I walked with Van and Renjo going to Farmers. Arrived at home at around 1 AM and slept  with a supeeerrrr happy heart. :")

Oh what a privilege!
 I'm excited to go and make JESUS famous again in the mountains!

O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them. Psalm 40:5 New Living Translation (NLT)

My hands, my feet

My everything

My life, my love

Lord, use me


1st Photo by Les Anderson on Unsplash
Other photos are from Pao, Dina and Kuya Ronald :") 

Answered 2017 Faith Goals!!!

It's that time of the year again wherein I'm excited  to make Daddy smile through my faith (by having my Faith Goals!!!). Every year, my church (Victory / Every Nation) usually have  Prayer and Fasting week. It is " to dedicate the year to the Lord and seek His will."   I've been participating since 2012, saw a lot of breakthroughs and grew in my relationship with Him.  It simply became one of the highlights of my year!

Then Joshua said to the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” JOSHUA 3:5 (ESV)

If you want to do it with us this year, you check this site: https://victory.org.ph/join-us-as-we-pray-and-fast-in-2018/

 Anyway, before I write my 2018 faith goals, let's look back on how God heard and miraculously made a way for my Faith Goals last year.

 Let's get started (opening the booklet) !


Last 2017 I believed God for.... and He answered!

Personal Faith Goals: 

• Leadership 113 graduation! 

          - yay! My Mom even came for that! And so does my One 2 one Leader, Ana!

• Better than Jewels (book) by Ms. Rica Peralejo - Bonifacio

          - gamit na gamit for my VG last year!

• Strengths Finder (book)

- WAAAAHHH! My dear friend blessed me with this on my birthday!!!!!

• Awesome special offer

          - Yes! I got 5K from the company! (Nabunot kasi ako ulit for Trip to Korea, kaya lang, hindi na daw pwede yung mga nakapunta na.. so.. they gave special offer instead.)

• Braces

• To cook more food again

- I cooked  Penne Pasta etc. on my birthday!!!! plus pag volunteer na magluto sa bahay ;") 

• Beach 

          -  I went to Zambales with VFs! Teehee!

• Increased tithe

• Increased ability to love 

• Deeper and more intimate relationship with God 

• Security in Him 

My Family 

• Family business !!!!

- Yes! We started to have a store in front of our house and my uncle bought a new Tricycle (pangpasada) 

• Great relationship with relatives

- I bond with my cousins this year like never before. It was amazing!

• Smartphone for my brother

-oh yeah. He just bought one! 

• Boldness to share the Gospel 

- I somehow got to share the Gospel during the Eulogy! Continuously declaring SALVATION! 

• For Nanay Lydia to be comforted and healed

- I believe she is comfortable now and completely healed.

My school / career

• High grades in UP!!! 

- awesome! awesome! I got 1.00 and 1.25 in my subjects!!!!! Yes,  even on my subject last sem (undergrad subject with Math!!!! oh my!!!! Si Lord talaga ito!!! This is worthy of another post!!!) 

I'm in awe!!!!

• Best Teacher 

- I was awarded twice last year (I guess)  and for the 9th time in history. ALL BY HIS GRACE!!!!!

• For TOR to be released before Feb. 15!

-I needed this for my admission and the Lord granted it! Nakapagpasa before the deadline! 

• Tuition Fee

• Favored Leave and Schedule

- I super needed these and He made a way! Most especially for enrollments!!!!

• Highly favored enrollment

-Grabe. It's indeed divine na nakakuha ako ng subjects and profs pag enrollment. Hunger games po ng subjects sa UP. 

• Favor sa  Professors

- super answered! I love and I admire my Profs!!!!

• Great relationship with classmates and co-workers 

- I love and I miss my classmates in different subjects. I love and I miss (those who resigned) my co-workers too!!!

• Cash Special offer

- like what I said earlier, I got 5K for this. So it's cash! Yay! 

• Wisdom, Intelligence, Knowledge 

My Ministry 

• Cha's Victory Weekend

Last 2016, I was crying in Mcdo kasi hindi natuloy weekend nya. But God made it happen this year. I declare she's been established in the faith! Hug Cha! I miss you so much! 

• Spiritual growth and fruitfulness for my Spiritual daughters

I'm amazed. How one became a leader. How others served God in the ministry or simply, when they lead a prayer,  started reading the Bible or Tithing. Their growth brings so much joy in my heart. You're always in my prayers girls! Huggggggg!!!! (So this is how it is to be a  mom noh?) 

• Invite and have more teachers in our group sa Office

- yay!!! Some left, some came. I'll be forever grateful and privilege to share His love to the teachers!

• Singles Ministry VG

- started to have one! Sundays at 1pm! And our family is growing! Vibrant gals it is!!! I'm excited for this 2018 with them! 

• Share the Gospel to more co-teachers and classmates

- whoohhoooo!!! Thank You Daddy for the boldness and opportunity! I was even more elated when I got the chance to share the gospel to a classmate last year!!!! I'm in awe!!!!

"...2017. To say it's been a roller-coaster would be a huge understatement. I had my lowest and my highest points in the same year and there were times I felt like I was just floating-- unable to feel because there were too much happening all at once. But at the end of it all, whether I'm grateful, grieving or trying to heal/feel again, I find myself with  no questions at all... just an abundance of peace. Because when nothing else is sure, I know His love for me is. Always. And this year made sure that was enough confidence for my heart to make it through anything. 2017, you were one crazy ride but I'm grateful you happened. Thank you for making me braver."

Very well said,  Moira dela Torre.

It was a great year because of the GREAT GOD alone. :") 

I'm super expectant for 2018 only because of our GREAT GOD and  DAD.

Always remember though that JESUS is our GREATEST BREAKTHROUGH. 

*closing the booklet and will open another one! :") 

It was just a dream

Tonight was a dream

Yesterday was... 

It's just a thought. 

It's all "who would've thought?" 

Encouragements and Greetings

Questions and service 

Endings and Beginnings 

It's pouring and our calling 

Directions, steps and care

I don't care. Strong right? It's okay. 

Mindful. Grateful. 

I was talking to Daddy. It's amazing how He kept my heart together.

How I was still allowed to breathe, to laugh, to listen and to speak

When I thought you didn't see, you did. 

When I can't say it, you said it.  (There were times I was wondering how you could say those things?HAHAHA) 

I didn't think you'll come but you came. 

It was just a dream. 

It was just a dream. 

How can it be real? 

Is it real? 

Yes, it is..

but it's still a dream.

24 at 24

It's been habit to document some highlights of my year. Here are 24 things that happened when I was 24:


1. Braces!!! (January 2017)

- this is such a dream come true! It's really a desire to have a beautiful smile that will just bring Him more glory and of course, a beautiful smile for MOG on our Wedding day as well. HAHAHA!

2. First time mag loan sa Pag-ibig and SSS.

3. University of the Philippines enrollment!

- hunger games ng subjects! Grabe! Thank You Lord talaga sa grace sa pag e-enroll!

4. EDTEG 201 and EDFD  247

- teaching in the early grades and values and education subjects. I met my first profs in the university and met new friends! I'm so grateful that I learned a lot from them. It was challenging, yes but we learn!

5. Made a case study for EDTEG 201!

6. First time to present in UP!

7. First time to report as well!

8. Zorro talked and complimented me!

9. my first UP shirt!

10. May suki na sa University ng hotdog at dynamite.

11. Ate at Shakey's in front of Ateneo!!!

12. We got a store in front of our house! Yay for own business!

13. watched Kita kita, 100 tula para kay stella, Love you to the stars and back

14. watashiwa Ycah desu! Japanese convention with Ana!

15. climbed Mt. Batolusong!!! So beautiful!!! (September 30)

16. I got my first grades in UP and they're an answered prayer and faith goal!

17. First time to attend Missions caravan!!! (HEART for Bhutan)

18. Ate cams gave me Strengths Finder!Precious advance gift!

19. Knew my top 5 strengths!


Woo
Connectedness
Learner
Belief
Restorative

20. Finished 121 with Stella. I pray that she'll have her Victory Weekend soon!

21. I was not living with Jenny anymore :"(  I miss her so much!

22. Prayer walk in UP and interviewed HT Pat and her hubby about their marriage

23. Leadership 113 graduation!!!

24. Prophetic Presbytery!!!!! (September 23)





 Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. 

                                                                            (Ephesians 3:20-21New Living Translation (NLT))

First Semester at UP

Hi! Good morning! I just got my grade from one of my subjects this sem (EDTEG - Foundations of teaching in the Early Grades) some minutes ago and I'm just so elated. Yes, my grades are finally complete. Look:

So it dawned on me. My first semester in the dream university is over.

My heart still breaks that I can't say that it was a very smooth, easy- going , so "sisiw" and purely God- honoring  5 months. Can I just confess? During those months, it was like I was slapped in the face with the fact that I'm so weak, so limited and  not good enough. I even became that group mate that people would usually hate. That group mate who can't contribute much, can't say much. I felt  desperate, useless, brainless and I honestly hated myself. I was too worried about my testimony (well, who wouldn't?). I felt so ashamed. At times, I think I deserve to be stoned to death. And countless times crying out to Daddy God to have mercy on me because I am such a sinner. Why is this happening? It shouldn't be, right?. I felt messy, so imperfect (surprise,surprise!)...emotions all over the place.

Through these moments though, I was in awe again of how God reminded me that He is not over with me yet. He is still molding me toward becoming the woman that He wants me to be. He told me that I have hope, that I still have hope  and that is Him alone. Right now, I can only stand and hope again because of Jesus. Pwede pa akong magbago. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupulutin or how I could go on in life without Him. Grabe noh? Paano nagawa ni Lord mahalin ang isang kagaya ko? Na yakapin ang isang napakaruming kagaya ko? Grabeng pagmamahal and I believe that is the great love that will continue to change me for the better. I know He doesn't want me to be like this forever so I am offering myself mercy.All I could do is ask for forgiveness and slowly, bitterly forgive myself."...falling is painful. But it also teaches" - Rica Peralejo

I learned and experience a lot from the erstwhile sem not just from that failure ) Hehe. Let me share the lighter and brighter ones!

• I learned that  Values Education is not an easy subject and shouldn't be taken for granted. It is very important for the teachers to be really equipped in teaching this.Decision -making and critical thinking skills are vital for the students. 
• "Hindi lang laro ang laro" just like how Johnson's ad puts it.  In playing, children can learn a lot. That's one of the things  that I learned when I took EDTEG.  It was such a wonderful subject that I just grew my love and appreciation  for children. I also thought for a while of becoming a pre-school teacher! And then I also became  a fond of pre-school / kindergarten teachers. I think they're awesome.  I would smile every time I would see children playing Lego and blocks! I would think that they're developing their fine motor skills. While when they are running around, I would think that they are developing their gross motor skills. It's not enough pala that a child can recite 1-10. It must be checked if they can really count / if they have what they call "number sense". When you ask a child to give you five apples, will he be able to give it? When I see a two year-old using a smartphone or tablet, I will feel sad knowing that her body is still developing and it might affect her posture in the future! It breaks my heart too when parents doesn't care if their children are watching a show with SPG rating or if they just let them watch in YouTube without any supervision! I think children will have a greater effect on me now. 
• It's possible for a Kindergarten class to be so behaved! I love UPIS (University of the Philippines Integrated School) ! Galing! 
• My classmates taught me about https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/ !!It's really helpful when we did our research paper and when I did my case study! You don't have to worry if  what you're doing is saved or not!  I love it. I think it's such a blessing! Speaking of case study, the deadline for that was last May 25 at 11:59 PM (obviously).  I passed mine at 11:57! I failed to proof read and I really regret it. Thus,  I also learned that no matter what, proof read!!! 
• I - CC ang mga ka groupmates!!!
• APA format for references!!
• The real Oble is in the library! Not the one displayed in the university avenue! 
• I can walk from shopping center to Eduk. 
• I can walk from Eduk to OUR. 
• Blue book is a must. 
• Palma hall is AS!!!
• Hotdog (should be Tender Juicy)on stick and dynamite are the best. I'm so grateful that kilala na ako ni Ateng binibilhan ko. hehe.
• The library could be a home. 
• Wi-fi. :) 
• Laptop is helpful (praying for one. Mag Amen ka. :))
• "Ganito tayo sa UP, we do research and we publish it!" - Prof. Muega
• "Dapat lagi kayong research mode". - Prof. Alcazar  

Above all the learnings is the fact that my God is my Father. He provides and He makes miracles like from the time that  I don't have any slot nor professors at first,  then when  I can't attend our observation day,  our presentation time (walang nag ask ng questions, haha!), reporting  up to Grades Viewing. I know it's only because of Him. 

 Kahit hindi talaga sya perfect na sem and it's nothing much as an offering, Lord.   I still want to offer it to You. Thank You so much Dad!!!Hindi mo ako binigyan ng deserve ko! No shadow of hope have I in anything I've done. It's all by Your mercy and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen. 

Let's do better next sem! :)

PS. I'm eternally grateful to my prayer partners who prayed for me in this season! Hi to my Lola Lydia, VFs, Cherry blossoms girls / Ka - Vg sa office, Ate Jovie, Heart , Jhesie and most especially, Pauleen my loves! Tuesday nights are so wonderful because of your faith and prayers for me! I love you all girls!

So what did I choose? School or Work?

"Lord, no matter what I'm going to choose, You are my Savior. My ONLY Savior."

It dawned on me that I have to choose between my two values - school and work.

For years, work has been one of THE priorities. I'm a young professional and this is my season. I was taught of excellence, prayed for excellence and by His grace ,excelled.  Never wanted to be a burden to my co-workers and as much as possible, I would choose to submit to the authority that God placed in the workplace.

But then, school came. I'm not just a teacher now but a student as well. This is huge for me. I've got to do my best too. As a student,  I've always been a GC (grade-conscious) one. Yes, self-professed GC. Excellence. Excellence. EXCELLENCE! For me, learning is VERY important!


March 1st. Two events. One choice.

The battle begins.

It's a training day in the office. This is a critical working day. I can't file a leave. I still tried and was busted. If I'll be absent, the whole section will be afffected. I was asked not to be selfish and inconsiderate. I will lose the trust of my supervisor and management. Worst, I could ruin my testimony in the office.

It's at the same time observation day for school. We will go to three different schools, observe and submit  three papers out of that. I will have great time learning how teachers in the early grades teach and how the students response. It's going to be my first time if ever and I'm so thrilled. I can also imagine having  a great time with my professor and classmates.

I asked  if the observation day could still be moved but then, it's final.

The decision -making process is about to start. So, what did I  do?

Prayed for direction. (That's the first in  decison making. You want
to have His wisdom over these things.)

Read the Bible. I was lead to John 16. and these verses strucked me:

" Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.  So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.   - John 16: 20-22


I perceived it as I have to give way to the new baby and as I do that, it'll be really painful. So my  initial words to the Lord was,  "Lord, do You want me to choose school? Please convince me. Please continue to lead me."

I also wrote my priorites at the moment and I ended up writing:

 1. God
 2. Family
 3. School
 4. Work
 5. Ministry

With that.. mukhang school na talaga ang pipiliin ko. Deep inside, I know I want school, pero yung feeling, parang bibitayin or tatalon ako sa bangin in the  coming days.

But still, I can't bring myself  to be confident with my own ability to follow Him, I thought there's a possiblity that I was just being biased dahil nga school talaga ang desire ko.  I asked advice from friends, students, family members and they all have valid arguments...

"Company is more important".

"Dream is better than now."

"The company is the one who gives you  money to go to school."

"It's for your future. "

"Your work is your bread and butter."

"Teacher, you will REALLY learn a lot in school observation!!!!"

"You will be severely punished".

Inhale. Exhale. I continued praying for His lead.

Then, in one of the preachings, I was reminded of having a functional savior.

Functional savior is something or someone  that gives you security, satisfaction, significance, success, meaning aside from Jesus Christ.

I questioned myself, Is my work my functional savior that's why I'm so afraid of ruining it? Is my grade my functional savior that's why I  just can't  let this observation go?

Will I lose my security, satisfaction, significance, success,or  meaning when I lose them?

No. I  still have Jesus.

"Lord, no matter what I'm going to choose, You are my Savior. My ONLY Savior."

Heard another preaching in a Sunday service and I was reminded of "considering others more important than yourself" . With that, mukhang work noh? I don't want to move out of selfishness!

Pero when I talked to my best friend, she voted for School though. Waaaaaahhh! Kalma. Kalma. He will lead me. I continued to declare.

Can you imagine ang pagiging unstable ng mind and heart ko at that time? Shocks. That's why He reminds me this Word time and time again:

 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Decision-making never been this hard! But at the end of the day, when you ready yourself to surrender  yourself to His will, sasaluhin ka Nya talaga.

Kept on praying and crying out.

Monday came and I received an e-mail from my professor!

If can't make it on March 1st, I can just observe on March 3rd... pero one school lang.

It's like a ray of sunshine for me. I thought wow, I could actually experience observing kahit isang school lang. Thus, I prayed again as I apply for leave on March 3rd. If ma aapprove, it's His will na March 3rd, if not, at will Nya na mag observe ako ng March 1st on the  three schools, hindi ma approve ang leave ko!

Guess what? My leave was miraculously approved (It was hard to have a leave kapag walang Perfect Attendance Incentive in my company)! You know what that means right?

I have..

to..

let..

go..

of the March 1st...observation.

Goodbye..CDC..goodbye PAUW..goodbye great time with classmates.. goodbye..

" Am really ready for this, Dad?"


March 1st. I chose to be in the Traning Day. I have peace but I'm still wondering about the observation and the things that I just let go, hehe.

8 AM thoughts: Oh, nasa CDC (Child Development Center) na sila..

9:30 AM:  Ayan nasa PAUW (Philippine Association of University Women - UP Child Study center) na siguro.

12:30 PM: UPIS (University of the Philippines Integrated School) na sila nyan.

Is this the labor pain? Ang sakit talaga nya eh. Pero in the midst of pain,  in the midst of what I'm going through, I'm in awe that He still used me. Did One 2 One with my dear friend and co-worker. Yes! Chapter 2 na kami! #Lordship

Eto na ba ang ending? Syempre hindi pa. Hang in there my friend!

I chatted my classmates and they were all saying how fun the school observation was. One even sent pictures and videos of what they observed (Hi Caren!Thank you!) . I was told also na.. ako lang.. ang wala...ako lang.. ako lang..

"Dad, did I just really let that go?" "Did that just really happened?"

Naiiyak pa din ako while writing about it.

I was honestly so sad and I know fear creep in and my mind was.. I don't know. Yes, I move, walk,  talk , sometimes laugh.  I know Sya lang talaga yung strength ko  at that time, barely holding on to Him... I think He knows I was kinda crushed.

Kaya naman, as I attended the Thursday youth service the next day... taraaaannn! Ay grabe!! I love those times! Yung feeling mo yung buong service ay para sayo? Praise and worship pa lang kung makatulo na ang luha mo ay parang  gripo na? hahaha.

Alam nyo ba yung topic sa LEGIT week 2? It's Jesus' question :


"Why are you so afraid?"


And it hit me. WHY AM I SO AFRAID? DO I STILL HAVE NO FAITH?

If you have fear right now my dear friend, allow me to write yung mga tumatak sa akin nung gabing yun:

"I am the LORD, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27

Storms in life are expected to come.

Hindi nagugulat si Jesus sa problema mo. It will not overwhelm Him.

In everything and anything, HE IS IN CONTROL.

When we don't understand the power of Jesus over the storm, we will end up fearing the storm.

Jesus can calm not just the storms around us, but also the storm inside us.

Fear cannot co-exist with FAITH.

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. (Psalm 56:3)

- hagulgol na ko dito ayyyy

You can go through that storm because Jesus is with you in that storm.

"Lord, no matter what, You are with me. "


For more messages that I heard, you can visit here: http://www.victoryubelt.org/podcasts/

I call myself  "Princess in awe" because of the privilege of witnessing His might and power, His expertise in impossibilities and all .. like when I went to Korea or nung nakapasa ako sa UP and many more.

Pero hindi ko akalain na  I'll be a "Princess in awe" as well in the midst of the storm , in the midst of whys, pains, tears, doubts.. SOBRANG  in awe of His comfort, of Him being so mindful, of His encouragements and cheers. Amazing God talaga.

After the youth service, feeling ko, ang liit liit na lang talaga ng problema. As in!  Yung future ko, yung buhay ko, sa Kanya nakasalalay. Jesus is for me and not against me. Knowing His power,  I prayed..

"Dad, I know for me it's impossible, pero for You, possible, can I observe three schools tomorrow? *puppy and mugtong eyes"

Checked my e-mail when I went home and taraaaan!!!

Pumayag na din daw ang PAUW na mag observe ako! PAUW-UP and UPIS na ako! Pero no letting go of CDC pa rin, so kinabukasan..

I went to CDC kahit na wala pag confirmation and asked kung pwede mag observe... everything just went smoothly!  Yes, pumayag sila!

Yes, tatlong school yung na observe ko on that day. Yes, it was fun and yes, I learned.

Letting go of the observation was unthinkable for me. He knows that. He knows me too well.

But then He actually helped me in letting go of the thing na alam Nyang hindi ko kayang i let go to lead me and to save me from pag talon sa bangin, I mean from reprimand sa office.  Hahaha.

He is indeed our ONLY Savior.

If you're praying for direction my dear, I declare that HE will lead you to His will NO MATTER WHAT.

Galing ni Lord noh?

May this encourage you. :)