Why I still have NBSB

I'm 25 and never had a boyfriend. Why?

The old me:  "I'm not pretty enough".

 If  I were the old me, I would repeatedly tell myself "It's because you're  not pretty enough, not good enough. There's something really wrong with you!"

It was so dreadful. It wasn't really easy for the younger me because I believed back then that life is all about education and a boyfriend (really). I remember being so desperate. Those who knew me then would agree with  this. I remember asking my PolGov professor one day with this question  (out of nowhere),

"Sir....magkaka boyfriend po ba ko sir?"

 and his response was out of this world (mind you haha),

 "Oo naman, mas maganda ka pa sa kalabasa"!


What does he mean? At least for me, it means,  I'm not as pretty as the other girls. I continued thinking "No one will love me. I must not have any standards na. Basta lalaki okay na!"




In between: "I have to meet Love Himself first "


When I was 18 though and in the midst of all these insecurities,  I met Someone. Someone that made me realize that there's really something wrong with me (sin) , but He took care of it already. Someone who told me that I'm beautiful twice over (because He created me and saved me). Someone who said with His life and blood that I'm precious and worth dying for. (I'm honestly so kilig writing this! HAHA!) I met the BEST MAN ever. My THE ONE - JESUS CHRIST.

 I'm THAT BEAUTIFUL to  HIM? I'm THAT PRECIOUS  to HIM? SOMEONE LOVES ME?  WOW.

I slowly shrugged the thought that I'm not pretty or good enough. (slowly, yes, it took years and years for me to fully embrace who He says I am because there are times that insecurity creeps in. I'm grateful that He keeps on reminding me of His love and my identity in Him.) I learned the process of taking my eyes off myself and what's  beautiful for the world and look to Him.


"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"  2 Corinthians 5:17

The new me.


 It's surprising that nowadays people were surprised whenever they would discover that I never had a boyfriend nor a suitor (YES!) I hear them say , "Weh? di nga? baka hindi mo na agad pinapansin", " Irereto kita sa pinsan ko teacher!"  or "siguro ang taas taas ng standards mo."

STANDARDS. The old me didn't have this but now, Yes, I do have. I do have high standards - God's standards: Someone who also met Love Himself  in between and loves Him more than  he could ever love anyone (even me).

I'm 25 and never had a boyfriend. Why?

1. God is molding me. He's really doing a big work in my heart. I have to be molded to the woman God wants me to be. A woman who's so whole and complete in Him. A woman whose pursuit is His purposes.


"... people used to tell me the best way to prepare for marriage was to date around and to get into all of these short-term flings. I learned the hard way that that wasn’t true, but what I did realize in that season of my life was that the best way that I could prepare for marriage truly was to learn how to find my fulfillment in Christ, how to make Him my First Love, how to cultivate that spiritual purity in my life where He was my All in all."  - Leslie Ludy

2. He's prepared a man for me. My MOG. Not an other half but an equal match. He is also whole and complete in Him. No need to settle for anything less than what He wants for me - His best. I'm sure He is still doing a big work in his heart too (hehe).


3. It's not yet His time. I know He knows when it is the sweetest. Just like what is written in the book of Ecclesiastes, "He has made everything beautiful in its time". 3:11a


If it's His will, walang makakapigil.
If not, we surrender to His good, pleasing and perfect will. :")

I really dread letting others know that I have NBSB but now,  I'm surprisingly joyful. I think I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm amazed. As I look back,  it was like my THE ONE protected me all along and ensured  na Sya ang magiging FIRST SUITOR,  LOVE at YES  ko.

 I'm glad that He is.

And for you, princess, whatever status you're in, whatever the condition of your heart right now -hopeless or hopeful, shattering or healing.... it's not too late. One day,  you will also meet THE ONE in between. The One who loved you first. He loved you first. He's fighting for that moment.

Let Him love your first.

"Let Him love you first.

Before you allow the right guy to pursue you, give your yes to the Lord first.

Because God wants to show you how you should be loved.

He wants to give you heaven and earth before anyone can promise you the sun and the moon.

He wants you to experience his genuine intention to serenade you with His goodness and mercy.

He wants to rejoice with you and quiet you with His love.

He longs to have a lot of your “firsts.” - Joena San Diego 

It's such a beautiful beautiful Love story. You and Jesus.


P.S.

 And Only He knows when the heart is ready for the second one. :")

Photo by Blubel on Unsplash

Daddy's whisper: You're worthy.

I love learning.

And these days, I guess  it's not too late to learn more about my worth.

Take this from someone who grew up believing the lies that  she's just a nobody. Someone who always need to earn someone's approval or love. Someone who always long for attention. Someone who's NSSB (No Suitor Since Birth)  and NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). Someone who always always thought that she's not beautiful, there's something wrong with her, no one will like her or that she'll never be good enough (Sponge Cola's Neon on repeat? haha).

It's been obviously hard  for me to believe that I have value. But in His time,  it was introduced to me.

The starting point is when I heard the Gospel (what Jesus did for you and me) and  became real in my life. I was consumed by Jesus'  love for me.  Is it really possible for Someone to love me so much to the point of His death? That He'll trade the comforts of heaven just to be with me? To bear  the unbearable pain that's supposed to be... for me? In Jesus, the answer to these questions is a resounding' Yes'. Just thinking about it can easily bring me to tears.

Wow, Someone cares, Someone shed His blood, Someone loves someone like....me?
So, I have value? I am loved? Can I be secured?




It took sometime for that to sink in. It's  been a process for me.

Have you  heard of the saying that "You must preach the Gospel to yourself everyday." ? I have. But why? Why do I have to preach the Gospel to myself everyday?

Because I tend to forget. I really tend to forget my worth.

 I was reading The Chronicles of Narnia - The Silver Chair last night and I read a great quote from Aslan. It  reminded of my tendency to forget and the importance of remembering. Remembering His word and who he says I am.

Because I tend to forget. I really tend to forget my worth.

Especially while I'm waiting for my MOG. This waiting process has been a roller coaster ride. I will feel lonely some days and then I will feel secure again  after talking to Daddy.  I'm learning a lot in this season about self-worth and security.  There are many principles from women's talks , from my leaders or from books. The purpose actually of this post is to summarize them. Kindly click to the links for my post about those. :")

1. Don't be "assumera"

2. Do the  ABCs of Waiting

3. Know

I was talking to one of my sisters in Christ  one night (specifically on the night of my birthday)  and shes' just telling me about the man who  just laid down his intention towards her. One thing that I learned and realized that night was that MOG is brave. He's got to be brave. It takes courage to initiate a relationship even if he's not sure if the woman will respond as he wants her to respond.  Know your MOG. Know that he is courageous. Know that he is a leader.


4. You will do the choosing

This is what I'm learning these days. One day, I will choose. I will be the one to decide. I will be the the one to be pursued and not the other way around. I will be the one to decide if I want  him in my life. We have roles to embrace pala. This is new to me because I'm really used to be the one na..you know.. after a guy.. I mean parang desperate.. may crush ganyan..like oh sana I -like nya yung post ko, longing for his attention etc. Ang weird nito for me promise. HAHA. Buti na lang si Daddy, teacher din. hehe.

Men are meant to pursue and  initiate . Women are meant to be pursued and respond.

I'm learning din about responding!  My leader told me to ask these to myself when that time comes:

"nakukulitan ka or "naiinspire"?

"pwede na" or "eto na yun"?

One day, it'll be inspiring and eto na yun. HAHA.

Pero right now, for us, women.. enjoy natin tong Father-Daughter season. Yung kayo lang ni Daddy Lord. He has made everything beautiful in His time. May you enjoy every season.  Mag pa mold ka lang. Mas main love ka pa sa Kanya. :")

There are times that I'm still wondering .. "Shocks..Talaga ba? I'm meant to be pursued? I have the right to choose?" Siguro ikaw din at one point. But yeah girl, you are. You have. Not because you are above other women or the man but simply because you're His Daughter and He loves you the most. Daddy only wants nothing but the best for you.

Hear  this: "My Daughter, you're worthy".

PS.

No matter what, may MOG man or wala. You have THE ONE. You have Jesus. One secret on this is the truth that  LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HIM. Yung life mo? Yung love story mo? Yung kayo ni MOG? ALL. ABOUT.  HIM.

Women's Meeting 2015

Notes while listening to the Women's meeting podcast:

1. Clarity


Clarify it in your heart!


Define the relationship in your heart.
Friends lang kami until may sabihin sya.
Wala ito. Period.
Don't read too much.
Wag masyadong kikiligin.


2. Honor


We now have the freedom to honor each other kasi walang malisya.
Culture of Honor.
Every person is worthy of honor.
Honor with your thoughts -

 Don't think  "ok to, pang future to." "ayoko nito..hindi magaling mag english"


Honor with your words.


We are leaders but we are also ladies. Let them be a better man.


Honor with your clothes.


Dress modestly.
You want them to focus on Jesus not on your legs or chest.


Be beautiful. So that the men will notice you.
Ang mga bubuyog lumalapit sa makukulay na bulaklak.



3. Wisdom


Listen to advice.
Distansya pag na fa-fall na.
Guard yourself.


Love languages:

words
gift
service
touch


The best gift that you can give to your future husband: A whole, undivided and complete heart.


Wisdom comes by experience.


Listen to people who've gone ahead of you.

True Beauty

       I believe that nothing is an accident, so when I actually encounter this podcast over here or here , I just know that it's for me. This is entitled "True Beauty"  by Nicole Whitacre. I don't know who she is but as I listened to her, it's as if she's the other Mr. Thammie Sy (someone God used to remind be that I am beautiful) in my life . But no, I hesitated, Ms. Nicole taught me other thing. She finally made it clear to me that my God is the beautiful One.

       Here's actually my notes while listening to her message. I honestly cried. There are a lot or revelations here.
     

      To see beauty is to see God. 

To know beauty is to know God. 

God's beauty is: 

Eternal

Lovely

Powerful

Wise

Holy

“It was when I was happiest that I longed most...The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...to find the place where all the beauty came from.” 

― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

Beauty comes from my beautiful God. 

If you're complaining about how you look, you're actually arguing not with the mirror but with God.

 You have a controversy with God. 

It's as if you're telling Him "I could do the creation thing a whole lot  better". 

Trust in His wisdom and goodness. 

I am born in God's thoughts. 

That is the Grandest thing. 

I will resolve to receive my body with gratefulness.

Because of the the most stunning act - Jesus dying on the cross. 

I saw beauty once again. 

He reawaken our vision of real beauty.

If you're looking for your beauty, always look in Christ, not in the mirror or camera.

We are to reflect the glory of God.

The reason why we still feel that we are not beautiful enough is because we took the glory away from Him to ourselves.

God is beautiful and He created me in His image 

becomes I am beautiful because God created me. 

The problem now is it starts and ends with us instead of God. 

It's the preoccupation of myself.

I'm  so self absorb.

I think too highly of myself.

I am  aspiring something more.

We thought of the compliments that we will receive later.

We want that few moments of greatness!

We never get what we think we deserve.

We all desire attention and approval for how we look .

We want them to think or to say "Oh, doesn't she look pretty?" 

We are never satisfied.

We want attention and approval but the truth is 

Jesus deserves all the adoration and admiration.

Glory is the Lord's and it is His alone. 

Don't steal His glory.

The problem with vanity  is we took the story and  write us as the lead. We put us in the lead. 

Sin made us glory robbers. We want center stage. We are grasping for glory.

If your heart was genuinely transformed by the Gospel, you will genuinely want God to have all  the glory.

Understanding the true nature of my struggle can hep me overcome it and repent more quickly.

Cure: Gaze to the beauty of the Lord!!!!

The Gospel made me think less frequently about myself.

Imagine that you are in the Revelation 4, in the throne room of God, you will not think about your hair or clothes anymore but just be in awe of the One who is truly Beautiful.

Application: 

look for an aspect of God' s beauty!

where do I see the beauty of God here (as you read the Bible, as you look at his creations)

behold to the beauty of God again

praise Him

As we do that we won't be thinking about ourselves. We will forget about ourselves.

We will focus on our precious God.

It's be for minutes at first and then it'll hours and days of gazing at this beauty. 

Struggle with beauty starts when we put self not God in the center.

He is like the Sun, as long as he is in the center, everything  will stay in their proper places. 

Gospel offers freedom from vanity and self-focus.

            Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

                                                             (Proverbs 31:30)

Praise God's beauty and get praised. :) 

People will sing your praises as well. 

Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
(Psalm 115:1)

       

Meant to be pursued

I am nothing.
I am unworthy.
I am meant for something less.
I am not important.
I am not significant.
I would always be out-of-place.
I would always be less.
I can never be enough.
I am not beautiful.
I am not good at heart either.
I'm not precious.
I am just ordinary.
I am insecure.
I am trying-hard.
I am not neat.
I am not that smart either.
I am a burden.
I am desperate.
I am shy.
I am afraid.
I'm the ugliest when I'm laughing.
No one would look at me as if I'm somebody special.
No one would like me.

No one would love me.

Because of these thoughts, I just know that the enemy is stealing my hope in me. There are times, that I would have doubts whether it's really possible to be free from that identity of mine when I was still lost. They would creep in and eventually leave a scar in my heart. How did I have those thoughts anyway? Maybe because of how I was treated or maybe because of how I treated myself.

But because of how Jesus treated me, I have my hope again. Everything just turn around. Despite of all my limitations, I know He's able. He's teaching me to become like Him day-by-day. One of the "Him" that He wants me to be is.. the revelation that "He loves me. No matter what." Thus, I must love myself too.

I read a quote on tumblr before which goes like this (I'm not that sure), "Love yourself so that we can have something in common."

I am nothing.
I am unworthy.
I am meant for something less.
I am not important.
I am not significant.
I would always be out-of-place.
I would always be less.
I can never be enough.
I am not beautiful.
I am not good at heart either.
I'm not precious.
I am just ordinary.
I am insecure.
I am trying-hard.
I am not neat.
I am not that smart either.
I am a burden.
I am desperate.
I am shy.
I am afraid.
I'm the ugliest when I'm laughing.
No one would look at me as if I'm somebody special.
No one would like me.

No one would love me. 

Time to Believe Him who says I'm beautiful and precious.

With this new me, I just know that I can be secured. I don't need to be deperate, I don't need to dread in waiting for my MOG.

I just know that he will pursue me no matter what because he will see me in His eyes. :) 

He knows me by NAME

I just can't help but to take note the meaning of my name! It's so Amazing!


Jessica

- rich (which I know, because I am rich in Christ)

- God beholds  (behold means "See with attention" - He is indeed mindful of me! Nakakakilig to!)


May


- pearl


-Child of Light (Persian)

Tumblr Reminded (a journey to 14:30 series )

"Sometimes you need to step outside. Get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be."


So here I am looking back to those blog posts that I reblogged on Tumblr (victorycah.tumblr.com). I am just so amazed on how it encouraged me that's why I'm writing at this moment.  One of the posts that strucked me is that one on the introduction of this post:


" Sometimes you need to step outside. Get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be. "

This is my means of stepping outside and getting some fresh air. Hehe. Yes,  I got to be reminded of who I am and who I want to be.


Let's be reminded first of who I am...


I am Ycah.

Forgiven. Saved. Loved. Royalty (Daughter of the King of the kings). Chosen. Beautiful. Rich. Holy. Blessed. Provided. Secured.


Jesus is my everything and I adore Him. I live for His glory. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have a  Father in heaven who just love me so much to give His Son for me and die.


"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20



And then of who I want to be (or my dreams)...


I want to be a Victory Group leader of  SOLID Victory group.
I want to help women in knowing and loving this God who loves them so much.
I want to be a loving and wise Usher, an excellent Kids Teacher and a faithful Intercessor.
I want to have a good relationship with the Lifebox PUP alumni and students.
I want to make an impact in my workplace.
I want to see my family coming  to Jesus.

I want to be successful in my career.
I want to have my masters on UP.
I want to study Abroad!

I want to travel and write and write and meet new people and write and write and eat loads of foods and write and write and do different adventures and write and write and write. (Israel please..South Korea please?)

I want to read loads of books.
I want to be excited everyday!
I want to honor my Leaders.

I still want to be a DJ.
I want to speak in English even if I'm not teaching.
I want to meet my Korean students.

I want to join the Ten Days Mission trip in an Asian Country which starts with letter "T". Let's  go 2015! It's my mission year.

Gusto ko  din naman makapag uwi ng pizza, groceries at donuts sa Family.. plus vacation and outing with them.

I want to indulge in volunteer works just like Dessie's faith goal. ^^

I want have more heart for other people.

I will meet  my Man of God. Have a glorious wedding and marriage . I will have an amazing motherhood and tell my kids and grandchildren about Him.

I want to do everything for Him alone.

I pray that I could always have the way to give Him the credits. :)


So yeah, I'm reminded. As I write all this, and look around..it's impossible! But when I look up..when I look to  Daddy Lord who is the creator of everything...this will happen. This. is. possible and more.  14:30 approaching.