Between Catholicism and Christianity

"Christian knb ycah?"

A Christian high school classmate asked me this question and surprisingly, my answer is clear.

More than a year ago, I'm really upset about a Catholic friend's decision. She'd gone through a "baptism" ceremony of a Christian Fellowship. I was really frustrated inside, thinking why she's done that and why in a minute she's jump through that huge choice.

Back then, I was this girl who is contended with her relationship with God. I know that it's because of Him why I'm studying since I always cried out to Him about that. I always pray before I sleep and I go to Church almost every Saturday r Sunday. I am a Catholic, and I love it.

Catholicism is the religion that y parents gladly gave me and I'm so thankful for that. I grew up in a family where praying and asking guidance from Above is really important. "sarado - katoliko" as they say.

We pray the rosary and the images of Jesus and Mary were all around our house, since my great grand mother (still alive, mind you) is very religious. She's the one who's always telling me about asking mercy and blessings from God.

Really, I'm so thankful for Catholicism. It's like the first meeting place of me and my Savior. I couldn't even imagine myself surpassing my past struggles and troubles if it didn't introduce the very much important person-God-combined to me that is Jesus Christ. Of course, wherever you met an important person, it'll always be a memorable and cherished place.

And my friend just neglected it?

Hah. What? Really, I couldn't understand. Just a moment and she's now speaking all these Godly stuff, Savior, Fellowship, One2One and all (in a weird way), especially, the idea of having someone to help you with your faith! Lagi ko talaga sya binabara - telling her that "no! Your relationship with God is between you and Him alone!" and all other stuffs. Though not obvious to her, naiinis talaga ko. She even always say na sana makapunta ko sa Christian Fellowship na yon and to feel what she's feeling!

As days passed, she kept on invting me (I guess by always saying that she's praying for me to go as well.

Eventually, I'd agree. Know why? because I just want to check out the Christian Songs ( a high school friend introduced me to that back then) there. Period.

After decidng to attend, I feel afraid.

I really don't have any idea what the whole Christian Worship blah blah is all about! I asked other classmates and friends who already attended what's happening thre and all they could tell me is...

It's fine.

FINE! I'm still nervous!

HAHA. So how's the first time? It's so new and awkward.

I just noticed men who just look at my age then be surprised that they're married already (not that they're young, but really young-looking),the lifting of hands, the clapping, dancing and crying while singing (disappointed, no song that I know), the wonderful intermission number and the funny and effective Pastor.

What's more awkward is having a "VG" (Victory Group) afterwards. Wherein you'll share what you learned from the preaching. That was so uncomfortable indeed.

But still, I tried it.

And guess what?

Yes. I weep!

It's actually the first time that I shared my faith and worries to a group!

The next question is....*drumroll

"Ycah, babalik ka next week?"

I guess the answer is given. Given that I'm writing this right?right.

Eventually, I learned this:

"Ycah! AKALA MO BA NAG-IBA NA KO NG RELIGION? CATHOLIC PA RIN AKO NO!"

and also this:

It's not about religion. It's about relationship.

Your relationship with God. Your acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior.

So it struck me.

Relationship

It's been a year and three months that I'm attending the Victory Christian Fellowship' Youth Services in U-Belt.

I met my "Godly Friends" there that I'll forever thank God for- my Victory Friends (united by friendship strengthened by love -gabby) an also, (*soft voice) our "Godly Crushes" (joke lang :))

I can never put in a nutshell how my life has changed because of this grasp of Christianity in my life.

One incident that made my eyebrows meet is during a prayer meeting on our classroom with my friends; is when my Christian classmate asked me (as if kind of disgusted):

" Ycah, nag sa-sign of the cross ka pa rin?"

I really got offended and coldly answered "oo naman!"

Christianity never hinder the Catholic me. In fact, Christianity made me realize a desire to serve God. So, I had the courage though prayers and in His time, I became a Lector (evangelizer of the word) on my Catholic Church.

Of course, I still go to a Catholic Church to hear the mass and it feels way better than before.

Catholicism is the foundation of my cake of Faith while Christianity made up the toppings (making it more beautiful and enjoyable).

In the end, the clear answer to the question

"Christian knb ycah" is...

In religion, no. In relationship, yes.

ma.gan.da. ako. *wink*

“ I pray that His spirit will make you become strong followers and that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. Stand firm and BE DEEPLY ROOTED IN HIS LOVE” – Ephesians 3:17 CEV

You know the song “ What makes you beautiful” by One Direction? That’s my recent favorite track. I discovered the song over when a talented girl sang that on Magic 89.9 some weeks ago. I simply loved listening to it, a very much appealing one. I unconsciously smiled and softly danced with it. I even love singing that with my brother around (he loves the song as well).

Aside on that, nothing more.

It’s like, well, how would I say this? It’s like, really, I’m not that kind of girl whom a guy would dedicate the song to, with its words:

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

You don’t know you’re beautiful

I’m not beautiful – that’s my unconscious mentality. It was as if I’m made to accept that. According to a friend, when I walk, I’m always looking at the ground. So if you’re an acquaintance or a friend, I wouldn’t normally notice if you’re in front of me , passing by or something (unless you approach me physically – since I usually missed it when it’s just a name-calling).

I never had a suitor, much more a boyfriend (of course). My relatives and others used to notice a lot of not-so-pretty things about me – how I walk, how I laugh, my dress, my teeth, my eyebrow AND ALL THE ME PHYSICALLY. I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL! I learned to live by it somehow.

But of course, I cried and indeed tormented by it. Who wouldn’t?

Again, that was an “unconscious mentality” of mine. It’s there but I accepted it as a part of everything. Not realizing that indeed, I became so immune with its pain and not really healing. But then the song echoed:

You don’t know you’re beautiful

I don’t know…what?

In the past days or months, what I’m really realizing is that “I AM LOVED” (read: my first love is a weird one). Surprisingly, the notion of being beautiful caught me off-guard. I didn’t realize that being loved will lead me into being…

Beautiful. I thought I’m ugly, yet God loves me (parang ganon yun dati for me).

Not until I attended two services this 2^nd week of February. God told me I AM BEAUTIFUL through Ms. Thammie Sy (wife of Pastor Dennis Sy). And I feel that God wants you to realize these things as well.

Beauty is not to be achieved, it is given to us originally by this God who loves us so much. Don’t rely on physical beauty because

“Charm can be deceiving and beauty fade away, but a woman who honors the Lord deserves to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 CEV

So where would we rely?

It’s on the inner beauty. Your heart. Your character.

“People judge others by what they look like, but I judge people by what is in their hearts” 1 Samuel 16:7 CEV

The makeover of character; be gentle and be quiet.

Be gentle = be moderate; think of others than yourself

Be quiet = be calm, firm and peaceful because of the trust in the Lord.

How can we achieve being gentle and quiet? It is actually as fruit of your relationship with God.

Fix your eyes on Jesus. Spent more time with His word. And the more you do, the more you’ll know and love this God who loves you so much.

Alam mo si God, faithful.

Alam mo si God, mahal ka.

Alam mo kay God, secured ka.

Though before, we think we’re broken, dirty, worthless and useless.

You understand that Jesus already restored you.

Buo ka na.

Maganda ka na.

So don’t let anyone treat you as a trash because when God looks at you, He doesn’t see a trash or a scratch, He sees His work of hand. He sees His son Jesus who died for you.

Christ bought you at the highest, highest, highest price! It’s Him loving you so much to the point that He gave His son’s life for you.

Sobrang love ka ni God, kaya maganda ka. Hindi maganda ka, kaya mahal ka Nya.

When you live your life, you can raise your head high because you know that you are loved and beautiful.

Lastly, may you use that beauty not to draw a man to yourself but to draw a man to this loving God.

Now, imagine God singing to you the song “what makes You beautiful”

Remember : God makes you beautiful.

Beauty Secret: His word in your heart. Read and obey the Bible, girl!:)

Learnings from: Ms. Thammie Sy J

You're insecure, don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or

Don't need make-up - to cover up

Being the way that you are is eno-o-ough

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but yo-ou

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperatley

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

Oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful!

So girl come on, you got it wrong

To prove I'm right I put it in a so-o-ong

I don't know why, you're being shy

And turn away when I look in to your eye eye eyes

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but yo-ou

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperatley

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

Oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful!

Na na na na na na naaaa na na,

Na na na na na na.

Na na na na na na naaaa na na,

Na na na na na na.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip you're hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell

You don't know

Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell

You don't know

No Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

If only you saw what I can see

You'll understand why I want you so desperatley

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know

No Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

No Oh oh

You don't know you're beautiful!

No Oh oh

That's what makes you beautiful!

My First Love is a Weird One

My heart is pounding at the mere thought of it. I would blush, I would smile, I would giggle, I would stare at the sky, I would sing and I would write.

When I had my first crush, I already thought that he’s got to be my first love.

As time goes by, someone just came along and became my new crush; suddenly I proclaim that my then crush is not my first love (but this second crush of mine!).

The cycle seem to continue until I reach the point when I had a friend (the kind of friend that you would care so much about your shared friendship) then reel so much on losing it for years. I thought again, ‘can he be my first love now, since it lasted and it endured? Can I even say its love? What is it anyway?

Just when I thought he’d to stay (on my mind and heart at least), at one nerve impulse and heart beat – I realized he’s not there anymore. The changes were clear enough for me not to notice, but how did it happen?

He who mean the world to me, he who always lingers on my thoughts (automatically), he who I mostly write about , he who in a process taught me a lot of things on consistency, friendship, writing, fandom, pinning (though mostly through absentia) and all, he who…

Ops,bigla na lang

Wala na? oh? oh? OHHH?! (Of course this didn’t happened overnight)

It’s best said here on this quote:

“It wasn’t that I forgot. But at a certain point of the memory of him stop accompanying me wherever I went. He stayed behind, the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of the station. It’s there, somewhere behind you and you could go back and make sure of it. But why would you?” – The Reader

I’m not really expecting, planning or thinking about this (believe it or not). He who I thought is my real first love is slowly fading out.

Hard to believe; weird indeed.

So does the arrival of this, this weird love.

My heart is pounding at the mere thought of it. I would blush, I would smile, I would giggle, I would stare at the sky, I would sing and I would write and all.

He’s a friend.

He’s there with me when I’m crying because of my fear of not studying. He’s beside me, always. As a song puts it “You always stay”.

He pursued me.

He loved me beyond comparison.

He even…

died for me.

“Church? Yung mga nagpupunta lang dyan yung mga babaeng walang boyfriend! Tapos boyfriend nila si Jesus…”

If my lack on that kind of relationship is the reason why I’m feeling like this towards Him, I’m very much thankful then.

This is the best feeling. I am able to love Him because He’s the one who loved me ever since.

Before, I’m really afraid of saying “I love You” to God. I guess I never did, for I am not really sure or maybe because I feel ashamed. I still don’t know Him that much then. I met Him at Saturdays or Sundays at church, I even pray on Him every night before I sleep and cried on Him when I’m struggling. I thought that’s it, that it can’t be deeper than that, that there’s nothing more.

But I fell in love on Him, when I fully understand what He did for you and I – how he proposed his unconditional love on a cross. I know, I’m already indeed in love with this marvelous, wonderful, glorious God.

Most of us, being loved in return and being loved enough and more sums up all that we desire. God is telling your heart right now that if you really want a reciprocated love, you can come to Jesus and accept His proposal (on a cross). His love never fails. And all you want to do when you fully understood that He loved you so much to give the life of His own beloved son to us (undeserving sinners), is to serve Him and to share this love to others as well.

Finally, the search for my first and true love is over.

Though I am still preparing by faith to write another piece, having this line in the end:

“and next to Him…we love each other”.

#weird

Sweetest Dream

Do you know the feeling when you’re actually living your dream for the first time? I know I do.
It was when I attended a Sponge Cola Mall Tour last May 09, 2009 at the Event Center of SM City Baliwag.
For a background, I am a four-year supporter of Sponge Cola at that time. During those years, I already did things that a typical fan does- I vote for their songs on charts, buy their albums, watch and listen to their every guestings , collect magazines wherein they were featured and so on. All these, except for one thing: I never attended any of their gigs.
Or maybe I did.
It’s when I’m in a deep slumber, or as others puts it “in my dreams”. Sometimes, we’re on the same jeepney ride, other times at my school grounds – performing and would you believe, even inside the same tricycle (please imagine the smile on my face after a dream that I’m with them). Sweet dreams indeed.
On one of the typical days of April 2009, my brother suddenly approached me and said “Ate May, yung Sponge Cola pupunta sa SM Baliwag ah.”
Inhale. Exhale.
I was like “Wag mo kong niloloko.”
“Oo nga, kaw pala.”
“Weh...Kailan?”
“Sa May 09!”
May 09, May 09…
The date persisted on crossing my mind since then; and every time it did – I smile my sweetest smile with a question “Is this, for real?”
Fast forward May 09, 2009, I arrived at SM City Baliwag by 2:00 PM (event is at 6:00 PM). The moment I stepped inside the said establishment, I hastily heard Sponge Cola songs being played on the background. My heart raced as everything go smoothly – I bought their latest album, seated on the second row (too shy to be on the front row) , met new friends and wholeheartedly waited as I sing along with their songs. At some point of that waiting moment, I suddenly had an instant flashback on my mind on how I loved them for the past four years.
In no time, Kuya Wendell (the sessionist drummer) came up to the stage, then Kuya Gosh (the bassist), Kuya Armo (the guitarist) and with all the suspense, Yael (the vocalist). Collectively, Sponge Cola is now really in front of me, of us. My little heart didn’t just raced but skipped a beat on that very moment.
Sponge Cola played five songs – Ayt!, Tuliro, Gemini, Pasubali and Bitiw; and I was all in awe. Describing how they look like, how they performed , how I am as a fan there or how I felt during those moments is a perfect time to be poetic, if I am just allowed, I’ll go : the sway of their hands, their every moves, every words and every chords were all magical, extremely magical.
For my dream is now a reality.
After the set is the meet-and-greet session with the band. I had my albums and magazines autographed. I also had the privilege to have a photo with each of them. My favorite part is when I already hear them do the talking without a microphone, their voices is like a voice of the friends I never met. I then realized that I was just so right for loving them.
Thisclose to them? Enough said.
Do you know the feeling when you’re actually living your dream for the first time? I know I do – because my sweetest dream is the sweetest reality.
Teehee!
#

PY BY

thank you for the words.

the words..these are the words...

they release because of you...imprinted..encoded.

I used to tell myself that I'll never ever write about you ever again.

but you are the words.

years and letters...

IT FELT LIKE EMPTY

but I'll never be empty of words

for you who never heed

the emotions

it also be on a wonder

how was it like

for the psychological consciousness to be gone

i just realize that it's hard

really hard

do I really have to hit the ground literally

i know it's only in the mind

i know it's only in the memory

i thought memories are the best things.

I WISH I'LL BE LIKE GU JUN PYO AT THIS MOMENT

TO FORGET THAT PERSON YOU THINK TOO MUCH OF

YOU LOVE SO MUCH

even loving him confuses me.

am i?do i?did i?