falling in love loving women falling in love with Him

She's so simple, so pretty. 

She smiles but it's empty. 

She needs a hug, a company. 

She needs strength, love, security, joy,  identity. 

She needs Jesus really. 

I've been longing to share Him to her. 

What-a-life it would be for her.

 I know He's the only solution

          to all her pain and  confusion. 

I'm excited for what she'll become!

Yes, a  woman after God's heart will come. 

She's broken and breaking within 

Got to be with her again and listen 

Come on Holy Spirit! 

Let's encourage her and pray! 

Just when I thought it's all over,

She read out a reviewer 

A  door was suddenly opened

I just find myself sharing the Gospel!

Heaven rejoices as she accepted

Our Lord Jesus Christ and His blood shed

I declare peace and wholeness for her heart 

I'm sure though that His love will never part

She' s so simple, so pretty

She smiles and  it's not empty 

She got a hug, a company

She found strength, love, security, joy, identity 

Jesus' all she needs really

What-a-privilege, what-a-joy to be used by Him 

 I'm falling in love loving women and may they all fall in love with Him.

- ycah padayao (September 23, 2016) 

Little girl's dream: UP

When I was a child, I had a dream. It's one of those that I can still vividly remember even after I woke up.  It was very simple:  I dreamt of a building with high and wide stairs.


When I was a child, I heard of UP. Well, who won't right? The number one, the best, where the really smart students go..oh the high and mighty.. UP. Yes, it'll be great to study there one day (I thought for seconds), but then I know it's so impossible, there's NO WAY I can study there. I'm not even sure if I can study in high school. Mag UP pa kaya after that? Nah. No. way. Okay. Shrug. Bye.  UP is like that, a dream. A dream that's just too far.

When I was a university student in PUP (yes, by God's grace I made it to high school and then nakapag PUP pa!) , I was in awe already! I'm so grateful and happy to be there. I just love my university. There, we had a professor (who studied in UP) and he asked us to go to UP for a tour and to watch a stage play. It was my first in UP. I was so amazed how wide it is, the trees, the Oble, the students, the Ikot jeepneys...but  what struck me the most is.... the Palma Hall.

When I saw it and climb it's steps, it seems like I've been here before! I've seen this! And yes, it's like my dream as a child:

"I dreamt of a building with high and wide stairs. "

It's so amazing. How could I have a dream about this place?

Anyway, I just find it amusing and eventually I moved on. Maybe UP and I just really meant to meet like that. As a visitor, as someone from another university. Oh, okay.Okay. Shrug. Bye.

I came back again as a visitor after that. Back then, I almost join an activist group and we had a meeting in UP one time. I also watched the lantern festival, shot some school project, ran with friends and  watch Eigasai (Japanese Film Festival). My  future with UP includes still watching Eigasai, run with friends  and  I was also planning to take pictures with the sunflowers there! That's it. No more. no less.

But then I started to become curious about teaching, education etc. How is it really to be trained as someone who'll  teach others? Most of my co-workers majored in Education and they really inspired me. The major thing is the thought that  I could really have an avenue to engage the students, the next generation plus, I could also be an effective first teacher of my future children (Haha, indeed, so futuristic). My heart beats fast when I thought about learning about it, eventually taking the LET and becoming a licensed teacher.

Wow. To think that I hated this thing before entering college.

"Ang tagal ko na nga sa school, sa school pa din ako magtatrabaho?" This is what was on my head at the time the my grandmother told me that she wants me to be a teacher. Who would've thought of a changed mind and heart right? As Ms. Acel puts it: isang  pambihirang pagkakataon.

The initial plan was  enrolling in NTC (National Teacher College) because I thought UP only offers online classes for those who want to have a Certificate of Professional Education. I'm not that into the idea of studying online so..

But then, last August 18, I went to UP to watch Eigasai with Ana. On the way there, I was with Camille, a co-worker who's currently taking up her masters in UP. While we were talking, she mentioned that CPE is not only online but there's a classroom setting too. She knows for sure because she has classmates who are taking CPE!

My heart fluttered against my ribcage. I can't hide my excitement. I was so kilig. So in awe. Honestly, just the thought of sitting and learning in a UP classroom makes me feel so giddy and hindi talaga makapaniwala! Huhuhu!

I called the UP College of Education to inquire  and the secretary told me that if I can submit all the requirements within the week, I can still make it to the next semester (which January  2017)!

I still don't have my NSO copy of birth certificate at that time so I hastily prayed and asked Daddy God  if I can have it right away so that I can pass the requirements ASAP.

Great thing is that God answered that prayer when Shim told me that she got hers for less than 30 minutes in the PSA main office!

I got mine in 20 minutes! Whoa. And now, my requirements are complete! I'll be in UP later to submit them and then we'll see. If it's His will, walang makakapigil. In Jesus' Name Amen! :)

----

November 10, 2016

Hello there! It's been over two months since I wrote this. Over two months since I saw my name in a receipt with "University of the Philippines" written on it. Over two months since I tried to ride the whole route of an IKOT jeep (yes, umikot sa UP, hehe). Over two months since I wrote a very challenging, childish, full of heart na hindi talaga  scholarly  na  essay.

Two months of waiting for their e-mail but there's none.
I'm starting to lose heart. Thinking maybe it's not for me.
Oh those two months. But then earlier, I decided tocall UP to ask and to know the status of my application.

Tantanannnnnn

Me: Hello po. This is UP college of education po di ba?
Her: Yes, Yes.
M: mag i inquire lang po sana  for the result ng exam...
Her: ah wala pang  result yung sa Masters
M: ah, sa CPE po..
H: ah, sa CPE? wait lang...

another person on the phone:

Him: Hello po.
M: mag i inquire lang po sana  for the result nung sa CPE?
H: Wait lang po... ano pong pangalan nila?
M: Jessica May Padayao.. Padayao po..
H: letter P po?
M: Opo
H: Pasado po
M: Pa..pasado po?
H: Opo ......


And the rest is poker face. Ganun pala yun. Yung gusto mo sumigaw at magtatalon pero dapat composed ka pa din.

Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. Yung essay ko... alam ko si Lord lang talaga ito. Pramis!  I'm just too in awe ngayun. Hala sya oh... UP oh... huhuhuhuhu!!!!

Come on! Let's be the teacher that He wants us to be! I declare favored sched, result ng medical , provision and above all, wisdom! May the purpose why He allowed me to be there prevail!

*tulala

Background Music:

"The Maker"

 by Chris August 

I see You in the sunrise

I see You in the rain

I see You in the laughter

I feel You through the pain

Everything that You have made is beautiful

Oh, my God, I can't believe my eyes

But in all of this to think that You would think of me

Makes my heart come alive

Your love is like a mighty fire deep inside my bones

I feel like I could climb a thousand mountains all at once

And I never have to wonder if somebody cares for me

I love the Maker

And the Maker loves me

I see You, You are creation

I see the grandness of Your majesty

The universe is singing all Your glory

I can't believe You live inside of me

More than just some words upon a page

You've shown me in a million ways

But there is one that stands above them all

Hands of creation on a cross

Letting going go

...Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2b)


Last October 04, 2015 I heard a preaching about the Nations.  The preacher said, "God's masterplan for us is to go to the nations."  I suddenly have that desire to go. I remember applying for Kyrgyzstan last 2014 but didn't make it. I thought maybe this time, is the time.

The church will go to Thailand and then ..

I remember I wrote that I think I will go to a country that starts with letter "T".
I would see people wearing Thailand shirts.
I would buy stuffs and read "Made in Thailand".
I would read "100 years from now and notice the really small percentage of believers in Thailand.
I would pray and receive this Word:


Matthew 8:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world—from east and west—and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I gradually fell in love with this nation.

The journey started like that and last January, I got to know those people who have the heart for missions too.  We meet each other once a month to hear a Word, to pray and to eat. Hehe. It's the 7th time yesterday.

The 7th and my last.

This morning is  the morning after the day it dawned to me that I can't attend the TDMS (Ten days Missions Support) training anymore and thus, I'll not make it to Thailand this year. The reason? The number of missioners became so limited and I simply didn't make it to the Top Ten.

And like, wow. It's my second rejection.

 I have a lot of brokenhearted/ letting go/  moving on feels. (e.g. "Tuloy Pa Rin in the background")  This really caught me off-guard and it's just by grace that I could still manage to smile and pray for them after realizing this.

I was so ready to resign and not to receive my 13th month pay, I watched Thai movies and kept it on my phone so that I can talk about it  to a young Thai student, I asked my brother to download a tutorial for me how to speak Thai and all.  Almost everything's plannned out but then, His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than  my thoughts. Yes, His plan will prevail and I know it's just way better than mine.

Kaya pala He's telling me earlier that morning that His will is good, pleasing and  perfect... to trust in His kindness etc. Now I'm holding on to those words.

Why do I even want to go to the nations anyway?

It's for Him right?

And if He doesn't want me to, why would I feel bad about it?

It's like organizing an activity for someone. You want to do it with him for him to be happy. But then you realize he doesn't want it pala. Ikaw lang naman may gusto siguro. So why feel bad? IT'S FOR HIM ANYWAY.

So what now? How to move on? hahaha!

.do my best in what I'm doing now
.lead the VGs well
.do one to one with the girls (yeah I think it's really a season of harvest!)
.attend the Singles' getaway
.stay in the office
.go back to Korea? Yay!
.receive my 13th month
.delete the thai movie on my phone
.support the missioners in Thailand by praying and sending them
.be faithful in serving okay?!
.start a ministry in the local church
.try and try until it's His time

Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.


Letting going go for now,

Ycah


P.S.

Eventually, it'll be:

To the nations,

Ycah

Every Company (VG in the workplace)

When I first came to you, dear brothers and sisters, I didn’t use lofty words and impressive wisdom to tell you God’s secret plan.

For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified. 

 I came to you in weakness—timid and trembling.  

And my message and my preaching were very plain. 

Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. 
                                                                                                         (1 Corinthians 2:1-4 NLT) 



Take a look at my last post. You'll notice that  I was over the moon back then when I had  a glimpse of having  group in the workplace , when I saw an open door, when I saw how God amazingly do it.

Before, I was just designing my "invitation card" like this:

And Ta- daaaa! It's really happening now!

                   After hearing the Good News!

I was praying and asking Daddy (God) last week  what I should share to our group in the workplace. And I am reminded of the most important message of all - The Gospel. I believe that it's the beginning and the foundation of this journey called Christianity.

I could just really feel the Holy Spirit moving through me and speaking through me at that time. It was such a powerful and amazing moment. It's so nakakakilig that I even bursted out in Facebook, "Yung season na mas nakakakilig na yung purpose and calling mo kaysa sa crush mo".

We started at the first Wednesday of May and it continued.
We met at Mcdonalds then in a food gallery. That's where I had a privilege to share the Gospel to the girls.Really praying  and now, I'm declaring that this wonderful seed in their heart will continue to grow.

Indeed, the joy of discipleship is one of my favorite feelings and moments. I think I'll do this for a lifetime!

Korean Ice cream after shift. Aww I miss Minerva/ Jhie!

Having a Victory Group in the workplace is a dream come true  for me and an obeyed command from Daddy God (He asked me to for more clearly last August 2015 and it's what, May 2016?). As His witness we just can't help but share what we saw and experienced. It's not easy but  it's worth it.

Here are some advice for those who have a heart to reach our their offices too  :

♥  Pray and Fast. Hear from God. Really seek His will for you, for them and for the group.
Really cry out to Daddy. More than you, He's the one who  really wants to reach out your officemates and friends!

♥  Try to have a spiritual sister or brother to co-lead the group with you, pray with you etc. It's really amazing how God let me know Heidi. She is my co-teacher who  also have the heart to reach out to our co-teachers! Prior meeting Heidi, Daddy  also let me know Ate Angelica. She really encouraged me to have a group in the workplace!

♥   Be ready. Set the time, place and duration. An opportunity to invite will come and you'll just know it's God who moved! Suddenly, you'll just be surprised that  your influence increased and people will just come and talk to you. But then, have faith with  action. Be engaging, be the one to talk to them too. Initiate. Be intentional. And don't forget! Discipleship is  a relationship.

♥   Believe in this. One of the primary way to make disciples is really a small group because here we don't feel alone with our faith. We can share our lives to others. We don't have to fight alone. We are encouraged also with the prayers, faith and praise reports of others. Believe that it can be used by God to share the most imporatant message of all --- that is the Gospel  and grow a disciple!


Actually, I'm also noting this to myself! I'm not an expert in this  and I know only  God made and can make things happen!

I declare that our VGs will help of officemates  to have spiritual growth and  a  deeper relationship with Christ!

Every company. Every Offices for Jesus! :)

Over the Moon

Over the moon.  It means extremely pleased and happy. 

But before that, it was actually an epic fail.

I decided to fast for a Victory Group / Bible group in our workplace last Tuesday- Thursday.

1st Day - I decided to eat fruits and vegetables only.  What happened was I got sick (not because I didn't eat rice or meat but maybe because of the really hot weather), I got a cold and slight fever so it was very uncomfortable. I still manage though. Thanks Dad!

Second day - here's when I fail. I vow to eat one meal only since it's my friend's birthday and we'll celebrate it  at night. But then while we're wasting our time in the grocery, there was a free taste of sausages. And guess what happened? Oh my instinct! I grabbed one right away! Not just once but twice. huhuhu. I even ate vegetables and salad! Wow, YCAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING? So this is your kind of fasting huh? huuhuhuhuhuu. So there. And then feasting of Thai and Vietnamese food.
This is a confession guys. I'm so sorry.

Third day - I vow not to eat rice and meat again.  I ate an egg in the mroning and on the way home, I hastily bought a bread (Pandesal). Then I ate salad again for dinner and cake too! Talaga pinanindigan ko ang NO rice, No meat, pero nag cake? ay bongga.

Wala na . I will not depend on my performance anymore. I'm going to trust in Him who sees my heart. Whatever He decides, I know that's what best for me.

You know what happened? The next day. I was actually able to invite a new Teacher (Teacher Olga) in a Victory Group / Bible group after our shift! Not just that! I even prayed for her and listened to her story. She will also invite her friends!

Before, it was just a command, a desire.. and now I know it'll happen soon. 

I am indeed over the moon. WAAAHHH!!