"See you again Inang"

         While I was riding a bus going to Bulacan after I was informed that my great grandmother passed away, a eulogy for Inang was forming in my head.  I was not yet sure at that time if we'll have something like that or if it's ever possible for me to be the one to speak. Can you imagine that I'm actually writing it on a bus? That's my form of grieving I guess. I don't know.

         Honestly, the feeling was really strange. I remember before that, I was in such a happy event with my Kids church family. It's our general assembly.  I was laughing with Daisy and all, ready to play in the games. But then, I read the text message. I immediately want to go home and be with my family. I know  I need to be with Tita and Nanay Lydia  right away and hug them. The thought that I'll not be with Inang anymore is not yet hitting me that hard I guess.  It' s like it's hard to breath somehow but manageable.  I'll  make it without a tear. I guess. I guess. Inhale. Exhale.  It was effortless at first because of the comforting thought that I shared the Gospel with her  and with  faith, I believe  that she is with Jesus in our home --- heaven.

       When I arrived at our earthly home, I was the unusually/usually  pretty cheerful me I guess. Wanting to comfort my family, I encouraged them and I prayed with Tita. It's the first time in a long time that Inang is not at home when I arrive. It's the first time that I stopped myself from shouting/ calling  "INANG!!!! INANG!!!" though I really want to at that time!  It's an answered prayer that Inang's body is not yet there because I don't know if makakaya ko na ganun ang madatnan sa min.


        Time passed and her body came, now in a coffin. It was again a blurr for me. Focusing on being there for my Tita and Nanay Lydia. I hold their hands while watching them place her there in our living room. My 4 year -old cousin sat with us and I said "Hold hands? hold hands?" I asked him to hold Tita's hands as her tears fall. Death, endings and good byes are really painful isn't it?


         I find it hard to look at her because I don't really look at dead person's face/body. But then I still manage to do so because she's  Inang. It's sad that she doesn't look like herself there. They (the make-up artist) changed her trademark "pangong ilong" and made it into a little  pointed one which is so. not. Inang. hehe.

          But kidding aside, I was unconsiously thinking..where is my Inang? Where did she go? What's gonna happen now that she's gone? All my life she's been there and ... yeah then I'll remember. Yeah then I'll declare.. SHE IS WITH JESUS NOW! And we'll be fine only because God will continue to sustain us.


          The next day my VFs (Victory friends -- Arl, Ana and Gabby) came. I was okay. I managed not to cry or bawl. But I was extremely grateful for them to be there with me in this season. Still, I'm
 asking myself,  am I just trying hard?, am I not being myself, or is it my security in Him? All I can say is that it's only PURE GRACE. He became my strength at that time.  I can't without Him.

The morning of the burial day came.  My brother called me early in the morning to tell me that I'm gonna speak in front later to say the " Pasasalamat" (pretty much like a eulogy.)

Honestly, I was SO excited (with the idea of sharing the Gospel in my whole angkan)! Who wouldn't? I hastily called Jenny and Ana to cover me with their prayers. I polished/ re-write the draft of my Eulogy soon after that.

On the way to Inang's house, I said to my Uncle that I'm gonna be the one to speak later and I 'm pretty nervous.He suddenly told me,  "Akala ko si Kuya Michael mo? Si Kuya michael mo na lang daw ata ah?" I was saddened. Grabe wala lang ba ang pagka excited ko? I prayed,  "Dad, I know You want me to speak. If it's Your will for me to speak later,I know You'll make it happen."

Then Tita told me upon arriving, "Si Kuya Michael mo na lang. I- inglisin mo lang yun. Hindi ka maiintindihan ng mga tao."  Then I told her "Tatagalugin ko promise!!!" (but actually that's my struggle earlier while preparing hehe. Paano ko ba tatagulin 'to? hahah I think Tita really knows me.)

 Then, I told my brother na hindi na ako ang magsasalita. I was so surprised how he reacted. hihi. Surprised how he supported me saying, "mamaya, ibibigay ko sa'yo yung mic habang nilalabas si Inang. Dun ka na lang magsalita. " It's overwhelming talaga. So blessed to have a brother like him. As in.

Sitting there beside Baby Stephen, I was just staring at my prepared speech. Then Kuya Michael suddenly told me " May, tayong dalawa na lang magsalita mamaya. Mauna ka na." I just nod and I'm speechless. In my mind, I'm shouting " Dad, You nailed it again! You made it happen! Whoa, I'm really gonna speak later!!!" Inhale. Exhale.

So there, I started to become really nervous now knowing that something big is gonna happen.
I prayed hard , tried to practice..whew this is it Lord!

1PM came. We attended the mass and then the time has come...

Standing there in front of a lot of people. I started with a greeting "Good afternoon po sa inyong lahat, ako po si May, isa sa mga apo sa tuhod ni Inang Iling..."  (while I was speaking there were some feedbacks, I was just looking at my brother and  I saw him instructing me to hold the microphone. Still, my supportive brother right? I'm so so grateful!)

Then  I remember, I continue by reading my note about Inang, followed by other's might be memories of her, then how I can say "see you again" rather than good bye (wait did I say this?). The confidence that I have is only on what Jesus did and said.  I prepared several verses but I only manage to proclaim John 3:16!!!

After that I was disturbed because I felt like I didn't do well. That I didn't gave justice to the Gospel na baka walang impact etc. But then what's so amazing about Daddy? It's His comforting words:

Sa Matthew 4:16 New Living Translation (NLT), sabi nya:

16 the people who sat in darkness
    have seen a great light.
And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow,
    a light has shined.”[a]


 I read that while I was in the bus going back to Manila.  Amazing di ba? When there's storm inside me, He really knows hows to calm it. And yes, I claim this. A light has shined in my family. :)


Anyway, here are some letters for Inang  na sinulat ko days after..


Inang

miss na kita nuon pa man pero lalo na ngayon
It's hard. Hindi ko na ma imagine.  sobrang naging precious bigla ng mga araw na magkasama tayong dalawa. Yung super trio natin ni Tita, paano na?

Sa tricycle..
Habang kumakain..
Yung pag galaw galaw ng paa mo...
pagnaghahanda tayo
pagnagluluto
tuwing titikman mo ang niluto ko
yung nagpapa piga ako ng muscles mo hihi..

Alam ko gusto mo talaga ng baby sa bahay. Exciting siguro na makita mong hinahalikan si Baby Stephen. Alam ko din na masaya ka para kay tita.


Inang

one week na since wala ka na or ang body mo sa bahay. Ang weird talaga. Nung umuwi ako one time sinabi ko kila nana Iling po. Grabe wala ka na nga pagdating ko..

I really wonder kung anong ginagawa mo dyan in Heaven, I smile when I think na nakakakain ka na ulit and I know walang MSG ang food dyan. Hug!!


See you again Inang. Enjoy Jesus there!


Love,

 Maaaayyyy! <3 nbsp="" p="">

My heart in the First VG of the year

Date written: 2nd week of January

So here we go! After the Prayer and Fasting last week, we finally meet for the first time this year! Here are some changes:

From Tuesdays evening to Monday afternoon.
We welcomed Heart back in our group!

My heart soars when I hear them speak  filled with joy of discipleship. Their first breakthroughs are open hearts and desire for more of God for the girls that they are praying for.  Feeling ko, may coaching group na talaga ako since I have these leaders with me in my group. How time flies and how God gave them a big heart for the lost. Disciple making disciples.  What-an-answered prayer!!

and then

My heart broke as one of my spiritual daughters asked about God saying No. Yung tipong sobrang in faith ka nang ibibigay sya sayo ni God and I di - deliver ka Nya but then, it didn't happen. You fail. He said No. And, doubts started to kick in and you just have that tendency not to believe fully again.

What can I say? He does answers No. No  daughter because it's simply not for you and He's got a better plan. We naturally think that our plans for ourselves  are the best but His is actually  better. It's really really painful when your and His plan didn't match. You just can't understand. Still, His thoughts are higher, His ways are better. We may not know the reason  at all (just like Job) why things happened or happening, but we are called to trust in Him. The revelation and the truth  that God is good is so powerful. What more is the truth that He is in control? A good God is in control. And if we love Him, we believe  all things work together for our good!  (Romans 8:28)


I love what my spiritual daughter Jahana said "If God is not changing your situation, maybe He is changing your heart." I was reminded of what I learned before na mas concern si God sa character-building natin than our comfort. He is molding us, testing us and the result is a greater faith and an irresistable heart before His eyes.

While writing this I was also listening to Pastor Joey's Dare to Believe week 2 preaching.  He talked about failure and I can't help but remmeber our discussion about God's NO:

Failure is not the opposite of success. (It is a main ingredient for success.)

Failure is not your enemy. It's your friend.

When you fail, it's  a moment to learn,  to grow...

Fall for seven times rise up eight. We all fall sometimes but the difference with us is  we stood up again.


Honestly while she's opening her heart about failing to become a CPA (though we really believed that she can make it), I was trying to recall a time when I, too, experience the same thing. I was surprised  that I can't remember such a time. Should I be happy or sad about that?

Maybe there were times like that ...

Like when I didn't send girls in Victory weekend last year.
Like when I failed to have a VG in COC.
Like when I failed to become a best  teacher last year.
Like when I failed to have VG in my workplace.
Like when I didn't have savings again at the end of the year.
Like when I didn't keep 6K from my 13th month pay for my braces.
Like when I 'm still thinking about him when I must not.
Like when I'm still not forgetting the former things.
Like when I'm still being assumera at times.
Like when we thought  Ana would go to Mongolia.

....but I chose to lift those things to Him and trust that He is in control NO MATTER WHAT.


After praying, two of the girls left since it's already getting late. I was left with my Hana.  She's consulting about feeling bad because of realizing how bad her character is or her thoughts are. It 's like she's only pretending things, pretending to be kind and all.

I was in awe when the Holy Spirit just allowed me to say things that I didn't know I know.

I told her that we're not naturally kind. We're such a self-centered creature actually. So when we feel like and thought like we should be the best, we should have all the favor, that's our natural old-self! When we're actually trying to be kind and all, it's not pretending, it's more on trying, more on obeying, more on BEING UNDER JESUS' LORDSHIP.

We can always choose between allowing ourselves to rule over us or Jesus. We can only be kind, we can only love our neighbor because He first loved us. 

Mt. Manalmon

111 likes on Facebook! Yay! haha! 

It was suposedly a "High school" event but it  turned out to be a "family" bonding time. I was actually so disappointed prior to this hike. I organized this for hs friends yet no one  confirmed and came (maybe they're just so busy). It's  a good thing somehow because the day before the climb, I found out that a "permit" is needed. AND guess what, you need to have it 5 days before the hike! Uh, 5 days? and we will climb tomorrow? Whut???? What to do now?

I hastily call the numbers that I got from different blogs online. Yet, no one answered right away. I way starting to worry (oh nooo). I asked my friends who went there if it's possible to hike  without a permit and they said that we really need it since that's what they did. I still send an e-mail and texted all the numbers that I was calling earlier. I was really sorry this time.

I prayed and just talked to Dad that if it's His will for us to climb, we will. And if not, He's just protecting us.

Just when we're about to give up, I received one  text message! According to him/her, we can still go hiking but we need to sign a waiver. I was so happy! Then I received another one from Sir Rexel (Marketing and Promotions officer of M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.). He asked me to send a letter of intent and the name of participants in another e-mail address. I also received a reply to my e-mail and he asked me to share this to all of you who wants to hike there as well:

This is to inform you the requirements and procedure to get a permit are as follows:

5 days before the activity/event email your letter of intent and the names of the participants to the following addresses:

sanmiguelbulacan1874@yahoo.com

rrboyflorencio@yahoo.com

m.a.d.l.u.m.inc@gmail.com

Wait for their reply or call these numbers to follow-up your application: 

0447640154 - Municipal Office of San Miguel Bulacan

09053726148 - Boy Florencio (Municipal Tourism Officer of San Miguel Bulacan) 

note:

Pls. call during office hours only!!!

Let us know if your permit has been approved or leave your number when you send your request.

To make your arrangements call or text the following before entering the park:

09195746470 - Carlito "Tata Carling" Carpio President M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

09434440033 - Rexel Marketing and Promotions officer M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

" Please share "

Regards,

M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.(Tour Guiding Organization)

How to get there? 

Ride a bus in Cubao going to Cabanatuan/ San Miguel (Five Star/ Baliwag Transit/ ES Transport)                    -I'm not sure how much because we came from our home in San Rafael Bulacan

Say to conductor that you want to down to "Brgy. Kamias, San Miguel" 

Ride  a tricycle going to Sitio Madlum, Brgy. Sibul   (Php 240)

Itinerary

It was so simple for us since we need to go home by 1200 (we have a family lunch).

630 ETD from San Rafael
710 Arrival at Brgy. Kamias

Adventure na, riding a tricycle  pa lang!

750 Arrival at the registration area/ Jump-off

Look for Tata Carling here.

Registration Area, you'll pay Php 10 each, then they'll give you your guide

           
800 Start trek Mt. Manalmon

Mark, our guide talked to us first about the things we need to remember.

Then off we go! We got to pass by the Madlum Cave (Ouch, nauntog ako dito, madilim talaga eh hehe)   then the Madlum River  (yes, you heard it right. The river where 7 students died because of the sudden rush of water. It was so calm at that time. It's hard to imagine how suddenly it could take lives.  Thank God we're safe!!! 

See? 

sa paanan ng bundok

900 At the summit

Thank You for Your love Jesus!!!! (Yes, I shouted this!, but It'll be louder na next time!) 

So happy to be with brothaaa! Joke lang. lol

I really love the sight of mountains!!!!

1000 Start Descent

cover photo!! Aww clouds. One day I will see a sea of you. I'll be higher! Pulag! Pulag! :) 

We were supposed to try caving also but we realized that it will have an additional fee and we're running out of time too if we want to eat lunch at home. So there, we said good bye to our guide, Mark (Tour guide fee is: 300, but we made it 400. Additional 100 for his lunch :)). I felt sad because he thought we'll go caving. :( He was so kind to still assist us because we want to try the Monkey Bridge.

Nakakakaba talaga. Kinabahan ako na mahulog yung hat at eyeglasses ko. hehehe

Yay! I made it! 

Tambay muna while looking for the tricycle. 

So there. It was really short but fun. For those who want to try mountain climbing for the first time or kinakabahan umakyat dahil hindi ka nakakapag exercise, this mountain is good  kasi hindi sya ganon kahirap. Pabebe climb lang. Haha. 

Again, Thank You for Your love Jesus!!! 'til our next climb!

P.S.


Please wag nyo akong gayahin. Kumuha talaga kayo ng permit ah? Thank you!

*Special thanks to Kuya Rexel of M.A.D.L.U.M Inc.!!!

Hope for Rizal

*I'm not  a historian. Most of these are just a  product of my hopes and thoughts. Thank you! 


         History is just fascinating to me since last month .. all because of watching Heneral Luna movie. I just find myself, researching about things in our history.

         One of my new discoveries is that our National Hero, Jose  Rizal almost married a French girl named Nelly Bousted. Almost. But why didn't their wedding push through? It's interesting because it's because of their faith. I started to hope that Rizal might heard the Gospel from her or somehow saw her and her family's faith.

        Nelly is a Protestant (or for me, I rather call her a "believer of God's grace" and Rizal is a Roman Catholic. Nelly wanted Rizal to be a Protestant like her if he wish to marry her. Rizal didn't like the idea and for him it's only Nelly's "caprice". :(

Rizal refused to be converted in Protestantism which Nellie demanded. Later in his life, Rizal would state in his letter, “… had I held religion as a matter of convenience or an art getting along in this life … I would now be a rich man, free, and covered with honors.” (Zaide, p. 185)

The breakup between the very civil and educated couple was far from bitter as the two parted as friends. When Rizal was about to leave Europe in April 1891, Nelly sent him a goodbye letter, saying: 

“Now that you are leaving I wish you a happy trip and may you triumph in your undertakings, and above all, may the Lord look down on you with favor and guide your way giving you much blessings, and may your learn to enjoy! My remembrance will accompany you as also my prayers.” (Zaide, p. 185)

                                                                    source: http://ourhappyschool.com/history/nellie-boustead-jose-rizals-almost-wife
        I admire Nelly for standing in her conviction. But at the same time, sad. They didn't realized bakc then that it's not about religion or convertion but a relationship with Jesus.

        I read more articles and it gave me hope. I really hope he found the love of God! I was sad and worried if Nelly preached the Gospel to him. Or maybe she did and it was just a seed in Rizal's heart?

Fact is after all those incidents , Rizal read the Bible and also The imitation of Christ by  Thomas A. Kempis in his last hours. Maybe he became more curious? :)

http://indiohistorian.tumblr.com/post/39130243698/rizal-was-reading-the-imitation-of-christ-by

Did he read  Mathew, John, Mark or Luke? or Romans perhaps? I don't know but knowing  that he spent his time with THE WORD just made me  happy.

How could I be like this right? Thinking about a thing that happened years and years ago!

I really hope Rizal got saved!  We'll only God would know that. :)

What amazed me more is when  I read articles about Rizal's last hours..  I discovered,  this:

12:00 – 4:00 a.m.
Rizal sleeps restfully because his confidence in the goodness of God and the justness of his cause gives him astounding serenity and unusual calmness.

http://www.slideshare.net/RizdelRio/execution-of-rizal

So that's why! That's why he was so calm before his execution. Really, death will lost it's sting as you trust in  God. :)  Jesus was his strength at that time. I want to believe this! And Jesus is his hope for the future of our nation. :)

2015 Answered Prayers: I thank God for...

. my Visa!
. the trip in South Korea! (grabe! I thank Him talaga for the good health ko dun, the spirit of fun, the snow, the airplane experience, Ms. Han, Sir JJ,  Ms. Jenny and Clara!)
.nothing is impossible with Him
.the people who were so happy for me and supported me when I wen to S. Korea (like HT Pat,Jovie, my Mom, my brother...)
. my new cousin (My Tita conceived!)
.PUP Alumni Summer Bonding in Lian Batangas! (after 15 years nakakita ulit ng dagat!)

   - I even witnesed a miracle nung nakita sa may gitna ng dapat yung isang pair ng slippers ni Dia na nawala the night before!

- I loved the time alone with Dyna. Swimming in the sea with her was really fun! Then the bonfire by the beach..singing worship songs, praying for each other..videoke!!

. the first family outing!

- first time ni Jhared sa pool and na makalabas sila Tita and Ka Herly. I thank Him for our good health at that time and sa provision!)

. Marian (one 2 one again after a long time)

. Winn and Ja! (regular VG!)

. Singles' Camp in Camp John Hay Baguio City (Ezekiel 34:25-31)

- I didin't include this in my FGs in 2015 but daddy told me to go.

. Approved leave (didn't have to lie) and safety (bumabagyo sa bagyo at that time!)

. Team Solar

. Planet Shaker's Concert (August)

- my brother raised his hand in accepting Jesus!

. Victory Weekend ni Rosette (it inspires me to engage moreeeee!!!)

.Star of the night as Audrey Hepburn in PUPm Alumni Christmas Party

.fruitfulness of Heart and Jhesie (grabeee!!!)

. APE! (Annual Physical Exam)

. Arroyo Paskong Palaro ng Lahi (Grace talaga na ang daming pumunta and I think nag enjoy naman sila hehe)

. CHRISTmas eve service with family!! (Nany, Mac and Angelo!! - First time ni Ngilo!!)


. Mt. Pamitinan climb!!!  (Habbakkuk 3:19)

- for the strength and endurance! His creation si really awesome!!!

- for the boldness to finally shout ...


"Thank You for Your Love JESUS!!!"


I heard Word in 2015 that that will be my year of ownership and I hastily claim to own a VISA and Victory Group and it happened!!!!


Awesome 2015 yeah?!!!! Lets' dare to believe for more this 2016!!!!