When it's hard to breathe

            I don't know if I could blame the allergy or what... but last month ,  there are times that  I just found it hard to breathe. I felt  a little pain on my chest and on my back too. I felt it once while I'm teaching and the other one before going to bed.

            I remember telling my student, "Is it (inhale ) okay (inhale) if I will (inhale) take (inhale) a deep breath (inhale) like this (inhale) in our class?"

            It was just so hard, I don't even know why I suddenly felt that way.

            All I could do is be reminded of the bleeding woman in  Luke, imitate her by touching Jesus with my faith. I cried out to Him and believe for healing.

           After some minutes though, I felt better and I could even eat lunch with my co-teachers. Thank God for the relief!


             But then after some days, while I was in my home in Bulacan, it happened again. I was about to go to sleep and it's .. it's hard to breathe again.

              My natural tendency was really not to bother others when I'm hurting. As much as possible, I'll try to endure on my own. My family were sleeping and I don't want to disturb them or to add to my Mom's worries. Thus, I just prayed (are you surprised? haha). I prayed for healing and I surrendered as well. If ever it's my last night here on earth, I offered my soul to Him  and I also wrote my goodbye letter in my Bible (in case it's time for me to go to my real home - heaven, para ready! ).

             My "goodbye letter" it simply consists of me trying hard to share the Gospel hehe....

             I wrote:

"If ever I'm gone and already gone to heaven, don't be sad because I am with my beloved Jesus. 

My Lord and my savior. My all-in-all.

Please don't forget that Jesus is the only way to heaven! Please stop trusting in yourself! Start trusting in Jesus alone!

Romans 6:23!

John 3:16!

Ephesians 2:8-9!!!!

I love you, but Jesus loves you more than most!

This is a great life only because of Him!

Love,

Ycs. "

Ang OA noh? But really!
It's  my hope that even my death could still be used for the Gospel to be heard, known and believed.

I closed my eyes. Not knowing if I could still wake up.

But hey! I'm writing today so that means.. I woke up!!! (Are you surprised?HAHA)

Found  myself crying....

I woke up... I. woke. up! 

Maybe I could still offer something in this world.

When it's hard to breathe, I learned about numbering my days.

I suddenly had that greater desire to do something that could really impact people's lives. I hope that I'll just be able to do my best, give my best and love at my best.

I learned more about appreciating every moment, every season ,every friendship, every events,every struggles, every food (haha)...

I'm grateful that I could still finish my second sem in UP or that I was able to share my faith to a classmate, that I was able to be Fuu of Magic Knight Rayearth for a day or just pray one more prayer  for the nation of Nepal, Jordan or Bhutan.  I get to  hug my Mom tighter, to laugh with my brother, to make Stephen smile and simply read the Bible to my Lola or just ask her again "Maganda ba ko?" hahaha!

When it's hard to breathe,  I remember still thinking about my future husband. Hehe.

"Daddy, if it's my last night, paano na si MOG?"

And then I realized that his is a great life only because of Him!

I'm  continuously learning  that life, that this life,  is simply all about Him. Dancing with Him, looking at Him.. enjoying Him. It's still a life worth living. It's a beautiful life.  :")

I'm still not that completely healthy physically these days... I still have my allergies at night, slight fever, colds, cough, headache, sore throat whatever

but hey..

He is still God and  I'm  still breathing.

"Joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable,

Love unstoppable, anything is possible

Just to know You and to make You known

We lift Your name on High

Shine like the sun made darkness run and hide

We know we were made for so much more

Than ordinary lives

It's time for us to more than just survive

We were made to thrive" - Thrive, Casting Crowns 

Declaring for healing to come and that for me to be a better steward of this body and of every breath!  In Jesus Name. Amen!




                                                                                                      Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash