Hi I'm Ycah/Jessica/ May/Ycs/Ycsiee. I was only 6 when my Father passed away and then eventually, my Mom got married again. My brother and I was left in the custody of my Aunt, Uncle and Grandmothers. Okay, so, Grandmothers. Thus, basically, I grew up in a very religious family. Catholic in specific. I go to church every Saturday afternoon or Sunday mornings. Did I sound like I hated it? Well, actually, I loved it! :)
I can say that at such a young age, I learned to hold on to God. With all the happenings in my childhood (wait, I think I would cry, hahahaha)- my Father died, my Mother remarried, my younger brother passed away, I was transferred to a public school etc. Really, He's all that I've got. The trials didn't make me mad at Him, instead, because of that, I held on to Him all the more.
I grew up thinking that I'm an outcast. Like I don't really belong. I was so shy to my relatives (medyo may trauma ako sa pagiging out-of-place talaga), cousins ganyan. I would hear people talk negative things about me at my back. They don't want me to study because I would just be a burden. That's one of the hardest thing for me at that time. I love studying yet no one's there to fulfill my parent's responsibility. Education and other things started to become a privilege rather than a right.
Thus, yun nga, I prayed and prayed and prayed to God at all times for me to continue to go to school. Even if I graduated as a Salutatorian, that doesn't guarantee that I will go on to High School. I hold on to Him, I cried to Him, I talked to Him. Indeed, at such a young age, He became my best friend.
Entering High School was such a miracle. He used my Aunt to provide for us.
In high school, I became a teenager who's into bands (Sponge Cola), korean dramas (Princess Hours) or teen movies (High School Musical). I was really a fan girl. Really, I had albums, posters, cds, magazines, songmags and all. I would watch them on TV and be so kilig (as in). The next day, the whole class would know that I watched Yael sa Game KNB? or sa ASAP.
Some would even call me Yael (Sponge Cola's Frontman). He indeed became my identity. Everyone's remembering Yael when they see me or the other way around. He inspired me in so many ways like in loving Ateneo and English... And... even sa crush.
Speaking of crush, I had crush with my friend (because basically, he resembles Yael) at that time. He is a Christian. We became friends since we both like Sponge Cola. But then, he would also let me borrow his Hillsong United cds. I listened to it since it's for God. I find myself enjoying it. I remember loving the songs "Take it all" , "By Your Side" and "Only One".
Here comes college. It's such a miracle again. I passed the entrance exam of the Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP). There, a professor (Ms. Lanie Teves), a schoolmate (Ate Princes Esquivel) and a friend (Ana Fatima Morauda) were used by God for me to know Him more.
It all started in the Second year of College (2010).
To continue, here is an excerpt from my past post, "Youth Service". It's about the time when I was reached out :
I can still remember very well my first time. I was a Sophomore College student back then with my friends. We were riding a jeepney going somewhere I'm not sure of, with Arlene paying for my fare ;)
I can still remember very well why I said "yes" to the invitation. I said yes despite knowing that I don't really like it. Within me, I'm really persecuting my friend because of attending a "Christian, christian, born again, born again thingy (kailangan inuulit,hehe)". I can never comprehend why on earth she has to "convert". I guess, I still don't know back then the true meaning conversion. I thought it's all about religion.
I don't know back then that conversion actually happens the moment you accepted Jesus as the Lord and Savior of your life. The conversion from being LOST to being FOUND. The conversion from being a SINNER to being the RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD. The conversion from being a SLAVE to being GOD'S PRINCESS.
So I attended. It was Shout Out series with Pastor Gilbert Foliente. Honestly, here's the only thing I remember on my first Youth Service: "Shout it! Shout it! Shout it out loud!" (a lyrics of the song during the intermission number). I remember sitting on the left front row..hearing the names of Pastor Ryan, Kuya Xave and all. (I really thought ka age ko lang sila nun haha)
It was fun! I just hated the idea that there's a sharing part after the service which they called "VG or Victory Group". But when we started, that's when I actually humbled myself and cry and share..It's so weird for me since for 18 years, my relationship with God is between the two of us alone. I never really thought that it's possible and it's so great to share about Him with others.
Akala ko hindi na ako babalik. Eh walang tinugtog na Christian song na alam ko.
Ayun, nung tinanong ako, "Babalik ka next week?" edi napatango ako.
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A year passed and I started doing One 2 One with my dear friend Ana. I learned about the basic things of following Him. I learned about the
Gospel (basically what Jesus did for you and me) and all. I started to pray and fast, attend Victory Group, listen to Worship songs, read the Bible and then eventually attend the Sunday Worship Services.
I fully accepted Him as my Lord and my Savior in a Sunday Service last January 15, 2012.
I just saw myself crying and crying and crying because I realize how unworthy I am. I felt like a slave girl who just realized that she has been set free. At that moment, I knew I came home to my Father. That He's hugging me and that's He's so joyful that I made that decision despite hurting Him because of my sins. His unconditional love is just so powerful.
I fully understood what He did for me. And then, months later, I had my Victory Weekend and publicly declared that I am Christ's follower (that was September 29-30, 2012).
That was the best weekend of my life.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36
I repented and was sorry for my sins. Chains in my life were also broken. I feel so brand new.
Yun pala yung ibig sabihin ni Jesus when He said in John 3: 5-7:
Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’
Born Again. I hated this term. Honestly. But when I realized that it's an experience (being born again in Christ) and NOT a religion, I had a changed perspective. :)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! - 2 Corinthians 5:17
As a new creation. Well, from being such a worrier, I learned of trusting Him. From being so selfish to learning to be generous. From being an idolater (anything or anyone you put above God) to being His worshiper. From pleasing my self to pleasing Him. From being so insecure to being secured. From being lost to being found. From being rejected to being loved.
I may not know exactly the other things that He changed from the old me but I just know that I'm a work in progress now. I still struggle and I still asks, "Am I being a Christian in the truest sense of the word?" Sometimes I worry that I'm not but by His grace, I carry on.
I know that as a Princess, there are rules in the Kingdom that should be followed (I'm not trying to become a Princess that's why I need to follow. It's because of my identity). There were times that it is still hard. But when I look to Jesus, I just know that He will continue to mold me in living in the way that He called and designed me to.
My prayer is for Him to break my heart for what breaks His. I seriously fell in love with this God who let His Son die on the cross for me (For me? for someone like ME? I would really cry every time I would remember and reflect on His love). It is my desire to love Him more and more and more and more. I know it's nothing compared to how He loves me though. hehe. Parang ganito yung feeling oh:
By God's grace, Christianity is such an amazing adventure.
I often say that I never really thought that this life is ever possible. I never prayed about this, I never imagined this! But still, He chose me. He forgave me. He restored me. He made me new. I thought I had the best of Him already. But there's....there's .... just more.
My earthly father may not be around anymore but my Heavenly Father is more than enough. :)
Anyway, I'm so thankful to my Dad for my friends (turned into a Spiritual Family) who led me and with me in this such wonderful life in Christ. I have my Victory Friends (my college Victory Group) ,my Singles Victory Group), Victory U-belt Family, LIFEbox/ENC family, Victory Kids Family, PUP- Intercessors family, Hike for Christ Movement and Team Comets.
"Relationship are resources but God is the only source." - Thammie Sy
All I want now is to be bolder in sharing Christ. I think it's like inviting your family and friends to such a wonderful and awesome place and experience.
I started to disciple women. I never thought that I could be a leader but He thought I could! It'll always be a privilege to be used by Him in changing the world of a woman through bringing her closer to Jesus. :)
Right now, I hope to enjoy and maximize my season. I desire to go on missions and be a blessing. I want to explore. I want to do more. I only have one shot in this life, I'd rather live for Jesus. :)
I'm praying and waiting for my Man-of-God (moG) and then we'll build a family for His glory. I'm so excited. (kailangan ko talaga isingit ito. HAHAHAHA)
As C. S. Lewis puts it “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
I'm so thrilled.
I think the reality of Christ is even better (way way better) than Fairy tales. :)
My dear reader, I know you're having or you will have your own Salvation Story . My prayer is that you'll also encounter God's great love. He will continue to pursue you. He will never give up. Don't think twice and give in to His love. That's the best decision EVER.
"My (your name), look at the cross... this is how much I love you.. I gave everything just to be with you. Will you let Me in your heart?"
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
- Ephesians 3:16-19
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38,39
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. - Galatians 2:20
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| Here I am Lord, mold me...here I am Lord, use me.. |
