I want to actually love God

 I just read this quote on Tumblr earlier:

"I want to be a woman who lives totally abandoned to the first commandment: to love my Lord, my God with all my heart. I don't want the reputation that I love God, I don't want to write songs about loving God, I don't want to talk about loving God. 

I want to actually love God. 

When I close my eyes, I want my heart to move. When I close my eyes and I look at Him,  I want to feel alive on the inside. I want to look at Him with a fire in my  heart and it's real." 

                                                                                                                          - Misty Edwards


It made me cry when I'm about to teach again. It's always my favorite feeling  when I read something that almost or exactly said what I'm thinking or what's inside my heart for quite a time.


I want to actually love God.

I want to actually love God.

I don't want to follow Him just because I know that I'll have a great life. I don't want to do anything that He wants me to do just because there's a promise with it. I don't want to give so that the floodgates of heaven would open for me . I don't want to be a a woman that He wants me to be just to have a godly spouse or to have a godly  marriage in the future. I don't want to have great faith just because everyone else has. I don't want to look on fire for other people. I don't want to be eloquent in praying just because ! I don't want to read the bible just because I can tell myself that I'm okay. I'm okay. I don't want to obey to be secured that I am obedient to Him, that I have a good foundation, that I am unshakable. I don't want to boast within me that I'm doing this, I'm doing that, good thing that I'm still doing this, that I'm doing that or now I'm doing this.


I want to actually love God.

I want to genuinely love God.

I just want to love God.

I guess this thought would continue...