His story before her eyes
January 13, 2020 Monday
It’s the day after the Taal Volcano erupted. It’s the day that suddenly a mask became a necessity in life. It’s the day that my small group leader went home after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl.
While at work, I received a message from our common friend Jayson wanting to visit the new born baby. He asked me to wear a mask on my way for precaution. I told him I didn’t get to buy one. He said he had extras and will just hand them to me later.
Suddenly, the husband of my small group leader asked us to come some other time because they need time to rest. I thought it’s okay. Maybe we can just visit next time. My friend suggested though that we still meet because he will give me something.
“Yung mask?” I asked.
“Hahaha. Iba pa yun.” He answered.
And I agreed.
I went home first and changed to a more comfortable set of clothes (jeans and our outreach T-shirt). I admit that I wondered what else he would give me. I told Dad, “Dad, maybe he would give me A. Pasalubong (he just got back from Cebu) B. A book?”
On my way to Morayta, along Recto Ave.( while I was just staring outside not really thinking about anything), a taxi appeared in front of me with an MX3 ad at the back and it includes a verse. It’s Ecclesiastes 3:11a which says…
“He has made everything beautiful in its time”.
What I felt after I received the Word was definitely indescribable but it’s somehow a mixture of awe, joy, excitement, wonder and nervousness.
I prayed in the Spirit and in my mind. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I prayed for God’s will to be done.
On the second floor of a chicken place, there he was. He laughed at what I'm wearing as soon as he saw me since I looked like I'm going on a hike or an outreach. He then went down to order.
As for me, I searched for Ecclesiastes 3:11a on my Bible app and stared at it while waiting and talking to Daddy God.
"Dad, what do You mean? Is it really going to happen now? Now? No, maybe not. I don’t think so. Yes? No? Your will be done. "
He came back, we ate and chatted. I eventually thought it's just one of our normal chikahan time.
He then said he remembered that he'll give me something...
"Ou nga pala may ibibigay ako sa'yo!"
"Yung mask!" I said.
And I'm right.
He handed me the masks.
Then when I looked at him again, he's holding a box of dried fruits. It's a pasalubong from Cebu!
On my mind, "Sabi ko na Dad, pasalubong eh! Pero bakit ang laki naman neto?"
While having those thoughts and thanking him, I looked at him again and he' s holding something else… an envelope, a letter.
I asked if I should read it now or later. He said it's up to me.
"Okay, now na lang."
And I read it.
He honored and thanked me for our friendship, but at the end of the letter.. there's a sentence that surprised, shocked and kinda bewildered me...
"And I want you to know that I'm now ready to take our friendship to the next level..."
And it's like everything stopped, everything became blurry, and I felt like I'm not myself(I need to ask him how I looked at that time. Hahahahaha Love?) I was so not ready.
I'm glad I was still able to open my mouth and say something...
"Paki elaborate nga Cher…"
Then he said a lot of things..his intentions, vision, plans etc.( I really regret not recording it huhuhu. )
I could only remember a few lines that made it harder for me to breathe..
"I see you as my wife...as someone I can spend the rest of my life with .. someone na ipapakilala ko sa pamilya ko…It's something that I'm really really sure…" (non-verbatim)
At ang dami na po napulot ng mga men na may balak mag lay down dyan. Hahaha.
I then asked questions like "Why me? (though sinabi na nga nya sa letter)" And "What's God's Word for you about this?" And he answered.
I don’t know what else to say and I apologized for not having any speech or whatever.
After some time, he gave a small sunflower that he hid in his bag. 😊🌻
I was honestly so so so happy!!!!It's a dream-like kind of happy. What? Basta sobrang saya. 😅
But I know it's something that is not just about me or him...It's ultimately about God and His will for us.
I remembered my conviction that I will only enter a relationship that will bring Him glory and honor.
I prayed on my head..
"Dad, I'm so happy… but, are You?"
I needed some time to pray and think about saying Yes to courtship.
I’m grateful that he said that there's no pressure to give him an answer right away.
And so I didn't answer yet at that time…
When I went home, I couldn't believe what just happened. As in parang panaginip lang talaga. Honestly, I dreamt of him laying down his intentions for about three times already. I would then wake up and think "Oh, It's only a dream".
I was tempted to pinch myself to check if it really happened. I kept looking at the sunflower and the letter he gave... they're my proof that it's real!
It's real and I really need to seek God for this.
I needed just a few days to review what Daddy God's been telling me on my devotions. I also talked to my leader and sisters in Christ.
Eventually, I said yes to courtship..
How I answered was our #kwentongJollibee.
He was there waiting for me, wearing a yellow shirt holding those three big yellow sunflowers.
We ate dinner and he's just supposed to give me some baby stuffs for our friend's baby. Before we said goodbye, I handed him a prayer list for the persecuted churches around the world. At the back, I wrote…
"Jayson,
Thank you for waiting. Yes, I allow you to pursue me."
And the flashback starts...
2017
I was learning something new. My lesson with Dad at that time was treating my brothers in Christ as that - brothers, not potential boyfriends. I was really determined to have pure friendships.
I prayed hard and the next day, I met Jayson in Kids church. I remember being so comfortable sharing how God brought me to South Korea. I got my first impression then - He’s a good listener. He could be a good friend.
We became friends on Facebook (I don’t know how that happened or who added who), co-volunteers in Kids church, teammates in Singles Camp (Team Solar!) and batchmates in Leadership 113.
Somewhere in between (I don’t know what’s happening to me), I started to be attracted to him (I guess I failed to guard my heart). I just found myself happy when he’s around at our church events and a little sad when he’s not.
I had thoughts or visions that one day, he would send me a message and one day I would sit beside him in a bus (I knowwww it’s soooo weird! I didn’t understand what’s happening to me either).
I started to follow him on Instagram and after some months I guess, I checked if he’s following me too. Guess what?
He isn’t.
He’s not following me!!!!
I then came to my senses.
I’m nothing but a churchmate, an acquaintance. Not even a friend.
And so in an instant, all that attraction or whatever weird I’m feeling... totally disappeared.
After some months though, My grandma was not feeling well and I posted a status asking for prayers.
I was so surprised when he sent me this message:
“Praying for your Lola Lydia, Aicah! God is sovereign :)”
I remember being so shocked.
He actually sent me a message.
He sent me a message?!
He sent me a message!
It was just one of my wishful thinking right?! I just couldn’t believe it! And so eventually, the weird feeling totally came back.
I started calling him “orange” but I can’t remember why. I would be happy when he would greet me with a happy birthday saying that I’m a blessing to the next generation or when he lifted a chair for me on one of our training sessions at Kids Church. I even started talking about him to my friends and co-teachers. Hehe. Obvious ba? Crush ko na ata talaga sya. Hahaha. (Love, Belle knew about you even way back in 2017 omoo)
December 2017
There was a sudden plan for a Christmas dinner with the other kids teachers. I thought of something to give them that was both personalized and affordable. I had an idea to give them printed pictures of their 2017 highlights. I visited their timeline to grab some pictures and on his, I saw the smiles of the children that they’re reaching out for in an outreach. We ate at Mad Marks Glorietta and there I heard more about Hike for Christ Movement.
After the dinner, we’re on the same way home so sabay kami. I was honestly so kilig and Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” was just playing on my head.
We rode the bus together. We were standing in the bus at first but then he found a seat for me. He eventually sat beside me.
He sat beside me on a bus.
He sat beside me on a bus?
He sat beside me on a bus!
Another vision came true. I was so amazed!!!!!
“It's amazing how He kept my heart together.
How I was still allowed to breathe, to laugh, to listen and to speak.”
I wrote more about that night here:
http://princessinawe.blogspot.com/2017/12/it-was-just-dream.html
After a month, my lesson from Daddy God was being “outward-focused”, I wanted to do more for the Gospel. I then saw on Facebook that Hike for Christ Movement will have an Engage Event soon and I instantly had a desire to be a part of it.
Okay, so...Hike for Christ Movement.
Jayson is a part of that and I am well aware of my feelings toward him.
It's such a recipe for the wrong motivation of doing a thing right?
I had to pray and assess myself hard.
Here’s an excerpt of what I wrote on my post about my first hike for Christ:
“I doubted my motivation and intention. Am I really doing this for Him alone or am I just gonna do it for myself? :"( I needed some time to think about that because, I'm not so sure of my heart. I needed to surrender to Him and to His purposes and will alone. "Dad, I don' t want to go if this is just about me and my selfish desires."
Fear crept in too. I talked to my friends about it and one well- meaning friend asked me if I'm sure about it because she heard some volunteers died few years ago while crossing a river for an outreach event. The other volunteers were also traumatized. She asked if we have to cross a river, and I said I'm not sure. She advised me that if we have to cross a river, please, if possible, ask for another route.
I started asking, "Dad, is this wise?Should I back out if we have to cross a river? Is this really Your will for me? "
I'm really amazed when He let me encounter these words:
"...stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
Princess. in awe. indeed.
GRABE. Okay, so stand firm daw. Trust tayo.
He knows I needed more encouragement so eto pa..
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Psalm 91:11-12
For you were slaughtered, and your blood has ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9b
The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14
YAY!!!! Okay, Lord. Let's do this!!!!”
It involved risking my life.
That’s how I knew I’m not doing this because of my crush but only because of my Christ.
Off we go!
It was such a great time doing an outreach. I was eventually asked to be a part of the HFCM’s Core Team. I had to really ask Daddy to help me guard my heart. It was really tough ‘cause I will see him more often and he’s always been so kind to me.
And he did continue to be so kind to me and I know he is to everyone else (thanking Daddy God for not allowing me to be an "assumera").
I had then a cycle of admiring him, surrendering to God, letting my feelings go, admiring him again, surrendering to God and then letting my feelings go again.
There were many times that I cried hard just for Him to help me get rid of my feelings (I even did some extreme measures just to guard my heart like hiding some of my posts from him so that my motivation will not be so that he could see them and also to be guarded from unnecessary kilig every time he would react).
“Daddy, please...if it’s not him, take these feelings. If it’s not him, I know it’s someone better and if it’s not me then someone better.”
It was honestly tiring and I was really disappointed with myself (because I'm so struggling).
One day, God amazingly helped me when I eventually had a revelation on Proverbs 31:12...
“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
It talks about being a blessing to my moG (man of God - how I call my future husband) even before I meet him. I was continually writing to my future husband at that time and my lesson from God was loving him even before being with him. I realized that admiring or being into another man while waiting for him doesn’t bring him any good so I got to stop.
Not just that, for almost a decade, I had the ultimate lesson of Jesus being my ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment, of pursuing Jesus first before marriage hopes and dreams and so does serving more than searching for moG.
And so slowly (yes, slooowwwwwlyyyy), by His grace, I was able to treat him purely as a brother. I was eventually able to be really happy and excited for him if ever he will soon lay down his intentions to pursue another lady.
I started to really focus on loving Jesus and his man for me. I learned to honor and genuinely enjoy and love my season.
It was such a beautiful time.
By December 2019, I received a Word from the book of Ruth,
“One day Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for.” Ruth 3:1
My heart quickened in the phrase “it’s time” and “permanent home” (ok pwede na rin “you will be provided for” hahaha).
All I could say was, “Okay, Dad. Thank You! In Your time, in however way You planned it.”
And another Word…
“Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. The man won’t rest until he has settled things today.” Ruth 3:18
Whoa, the man won’t rest until he has settled things.
“Okay, Dad. Your will be done.”
While preparing my faith goals for 2020, I received another Word,
“For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 NLT
Something new.
Something new happened indeed.
For years, I consistently wrote “moG”, “to be moG’s friend” or “to know who moG is” as my faith goals . It was automatic. But this year, I surprisingly hesitated. I surrendered everything to Him. I simply wrote and prayed that I want a “God-written love story”. One that He alone wrote. I surrendered the pen (including my own timeline hehe).
During our prayer and fasting week, I received another Word from 1 Samuel, the phrase “..I will send you a man..” spoke to my heart.
And I responded again with “Okay, Dad. Thank You. In Your time, in however way You want it to happen.”
January 11, 2020
I found myself at the Planetshakers’ Rain concert. It was God’s early miracle for me. I stored in my heart the revelation that I would really be anywhere or any situation that He wants me to be. There, I had a great date with Jesus. I was crying most of the time because my heart was just overflowing with His love and security. He was so enough for me, for this heart. Waaaah I’m gonna tear up writing this! Jesus, I’m so grateful!!!
January 12, 2020
We had a new year HFCM gathering at Buddy’s Shopwise Cubao.While walking around, naiiyak ako ng sobra. I think grabe pa din yung pagka overwhelm ng heart ko how I could live this life with Jesus and that He is so enough for me. No matter what the future holds, whether may moG or wala, as long as I have Him, I will definitely be okay and in awe!
Anyway, during the HFCM gathering, we shared some of our faith goals. He shared his and one of them is to finally pursue someone (I can’t remember the exact words but something like that hehe). I found myself being so excited for him along with the others and we cheered. I got excited to know who that blessed woman is. I know she’s a great woman and gonna be the best for him. I’m surprisingly genuinely happy for him!!
As for me, my faith goals were more on my relationship with God, studies and board exam, when they asked me about having a love life this year...I simply answered...
“Bahala na lang sila mag-usap ni Lord."
And they did.
The next day, Jayson laid down his intention…
When I think of God’s story of us, I remember the story when God gave Eve to Adam in Genesis 2:
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[
c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs[
d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
The Lord made a woman….and He brought her to the man.
The Lord made me, He formed and prepared me towards becoming the woman that he wants me to be over the past years. I had a great Father and daughter time and it was such a great adventure. Even before he would have feelings for me, God has been working in my heart already. Oh, how He planned to bring me to this man all along!
Sometimes I wish our story was different...na hindi ako yung unang nagkacrush.... Na sana hindi ganun...na sana ganito.. But… that’s how He wrote it and if it didn’t happen..am not sure if it would be this beautiful…
In all these...
Definitely all I could say is,
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11a
He beautifully wrote it. What an amazing writer!!!!
