Being brave

I recently had a conflict with my family. 

Basically, they wanted to sell cigarettes and alcoholic drinks in our "sari-sari" store and I strongly opposed it. 

They argued na mabenta ang mga ito. 

I argued that though it's not a sin, it's not honoring God since we're giving people what's not good for their life and body. 

Family business has always been in my prayer and ultimately if we're going to have one, I pray that it would  honor God and bless people. It's heart breaking for me not to have the same conviction with my family. 

I ended up crying on our first discussion. Eventually, they told me that they're just kidding. I thought it's already settled that we're not going to sell those things. 

After some days though, I saw cigarettes in my Mom's grocery bag. I thought na baka pabili lang ng Tito ng cousin ko. But then I saw few boxes again on the recent groceries that they bought. 

It's confirmed. Magbebenta nga. 

My heart broke again. 

I took those cigarettes and brought them to my mom and brother. I told them that I thought we're not going to sell cigarettes. But they said na alak lang ang hindi na ibebenta. 

I then said na ako na lang bibili ng mga cigarettes na binili nila basta wag lang kami mag benta non. 

My mom argued na it is a great strategy since wala daw bibili na lalaki kapag walang sigarilyo.

I argued that God is the one who would bless us with customers no matter what. He can't be limited. What's important is that we honor Him.  

My mom became emotional and cried. 

We didn't talk to each other for almost 2 days. Jayson (my boyfriend) said that it's like having a big elephant in our house. It's simply hard to move around. 

I didn't know what to do. It's been so hard for me since I wanted to do everything that I can para lang hindi kami magbenta non at ma honor si God sa business namin. I wanted badly to position our business in a blessing position. Yung walang nakaka block sa blessing ni God. I just really wanted us to honor Him and to trust in Him alone. 

As I seek Him, I learned from my quiet time that conflict is inevitable even to our closest ones since we have different principles and convictions. I was also reminded how God gives free will to people. He's not forcing us to love Him. He's a gentleman.  He wants a love that is really from within rather than just in the externals. 

I realized that I cannot force my family to do something. I can only relay my stand, my opinion, warn them, inform them in a respectful way  but in the end, it is still their own decision whether they would honor God or not.

This morning, by God's grace, I apologized (whew it's so hard, si Lord to) to my family for doing something that offended and hurt them. But then  I said that my stand is still the same. I just can't force them and that in the end, I'm letting them decide. 

Lumiit na nag elepante sa bahay. :) 

But of course, the battle continues in prayers and in the spirit. 

I declare that one day, my family will love what God loves and hate what He hates. We will honor Him in everything, whether in seemingly big or small things! 

P. S. 

It was pretty tiring for my heart. I was wondering if it's right for me to fight for this thing. If God was pleased or not. If it's worth standing for... 

God hugged me through a sister in Christ. She honored my brave heart, said she's reminded of Queen Esther and that God is honored. I cried again. What a comfort to my weary heart! Thank You Daddy God! 

Lessons: Being brave to stand on my conviction. 

               Being brave to apologize if necessary. 

               Being brave to surrender to God. 

               Being brave to continue fighting in prayers. 

               Being brave to believe.