My December Sunset

I really loved staring at sunsets.
It's just that,  it means endings.
Who would want a great time to end?
Who loves to say goodbye to something beautiful?
Staring at sunsets is beautiful but going through it, I realized,  is utterly painful.

It was December 17 and I was in a hurry to go back to Manila. My grandmother was lying on her bed (she was in great pain for days and hours.  I could hear her cry in pain, scream in pain.It was too painful that we were consumed with fear and that it paralyzed us. ).  At that time though, she was still and I was able to sit beside her. I was eternally grateful that God allowed me to pray for her and also apologize for our limitations and  inability to help her.

December 21, I heard that she's in the hospital. I asked for prayers. I was asked by my friend somehow if ever I'm ready if she'll be gone. I nodded (am I?). I told my Mom na ako magbabantay ng Saturday night. I thought it'll be just like the other times that we'll be with her in a hospital . That we'll eventually go home with her feeling better and we'll be able to celebrate Christmas together.  That we'll still be able to cook and eat her cravings ( "Sinigang na Hipon" and "Inihaw na Hito" ). I'm hopeful.

December 22, it was generally a fun day. We got our 13th month. We ate Korean Food. I was picked in a raffle and got Php 300 worth of Robinsons GC. I went to Daiso, bought gifts for my cousin Jhared, a mini photo album  and I was so elated to see a springform pan for less than  PHP 300 (makakagawa na ko ng Cheesecake!!)  I also saw Anne Voskamp book in Booksale for only Php150!!! I was so happy!!! I'll go home happpppyyyyy!!!

I went online to ask for prayers again. It was around 6PM. Right after posting my status though, I read a message in our family's Group Chat stating that my Nanay Lydia's gone. I can't explain the feeling and there was a moment that I wish I'm just dreaming. It's so surreal. I can't feel my fingers, yet it was painful to move (I don't even know if I'm making sense ). The wind is painful again. Posted another status and deleted the previous one.

Went to my dorm. Nagpaload. Called my Mom and prayed with her. Called my Tita and prayed with her. I know they super need strength at the moment. Bought biscuits and coffee at Puregold. The wind is painful. I can't think straight. I even forgot to buy candies!

Went home and rode a bus. I can't believe that best bus ride and the worst could happen in the same week.  For the first time in 25 years, the woman who took care of us, the woman who's always been there for us  is not  anywhere on earth anymore.

December 25. It's our last Christmas with her earthly body.
December 26. I cooked her sinigang na hipon.
December 27. I thanked her for the last time here on earth.

Here's what I said for her Eulogy:


Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

Magandang hapon po sa inyong lahat. ako po si May, isa sa mga apo ni Nanay Lydia. On behalf of our family, lubos po kaming nagpapasalamat sa inyong lahat na nakiramay sa amin. Salamat po sa pag-alala. Salamat po sa pagiging bahagi ng buhay ng aming Nanay Lydia. Salamat po sa inyong pagmamahal sa aming pamilya.

Lubos din po kaming nagpapasalamat sa mga taong naging instrumento ng Panginoon para maging blessing during this challenging journey.

Tita Francy, thank you po sa wisdom, sa pagtulong sa decisoion-making. Sa lahat-lahat po. We can never thank you enough.

Kuya Michael, for being really Nanay Lydia's "one call away" na apo. Thank you for always being there to help her lalong lalo na kapag kailangan na syang dalin sa hospital.

Tito Cesar, salamat po sa pagiging suporta kay Nanay. Salamat po sa sakripisyo nyo po all this time lalo na po nung dinadialysis si Nanay Lydia. We appreciate you so much po.

Dade, Tito Jay and Nanay Lucing, thank you so much po. Tumagal po tayo sa laban dahil po sa tulong ninyo.

We almost lost her last year. It was a miracle na nakadilat, nakangiti  at  nakalakad sya ulit!

Sa buong Tribo ni Inang Iling (yun po yung pangalan ng group chat naming pamilya), maraming maraming salamat.


Ehem..


Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

Ikaw naman po ang papasalamatan ko.

Salamat sa pag-sagot ng "oo" sa tanong ko na yan everytime. Mahal mo talaga ko.

Tingnan mo nasa stage ulit ako oh. Sinasamahan mo ko dito dati eh.Papasabitan mo ko ng ribbon para kapag sinabitan mo na ko ng medal,  may mag pipicture sa atin.

Thank you for being proud of me ever since nalaman ko na ang English ng "Baka" ay "Cow" until now na matutupad na yung pangarap mo para sa akin na maging Teacher. Thank you dahil isa ka sa mga taong naniniwala sa akin.

Thank you sa pagdidisiplina, sa pagpalo sa amin ni Mac kapag nag-aaway kami, tapos ikaw naman yung iiyak after because of your soft heart.

Thank you sa pagdala sa amin sa Jollibee kahit walang tayong pera.

Sa pag-aalaga, sa pagtuturo sa pamamalengke, for wanting only the best for us at sa pasensya. Sorry po sa mga pagkukulang namin.

For 25 years, ngayon lang kami uuwi ng wala ka. Mahirap, masakit.. pero kakayanin.

Kayayanin dahil  may pasko..

Dahil may pasko, may pag-asa
Dahil sa Dahilan ng Pasko na si Hesus, hindi pa ito yung ending
Dahil sa pasko, magkikita pa tayong muli


Jesus, thank You. Thank You sa buhay ni Nanay Lydia.
Thank You dahil Ikaw ang ngiti sa aming mga luha.
Thank You dahil Ikaw lamang ang aming tanging Tagapagligtas.

gaya nga ng sabi mo sa Efeso..

Sapagkat dahil sa kagandahang-loob ng Diyos kayo ay naligtas sa pamamagitan ng pananampalataya; at ang kaligtasang ito'y kaloob ng Diyos at hindi sa pamamagitan ng inyong sarili; hindi ito bunga ng inyong mga gawa kaya't walang dapat ipagmalaki ang sinuman.  (Efeso 2:8,9)

Nay Lydia, salamat dahil kay Jesus ka lamang nagtiwala at hindi sa iyong sarili.

Nay Lydia, wala nang sakit dyan. Wala nang uhaw (because you're with the Living Water). Wala nang kati.
I don't know if you can eat there pero I know-ma sasatisfy na ang mga cravings mo.

Pa hello na lang kami kay Inang dyan.

Nay Lydia. I love you. We love you.

I remember  nung last time I told you this. Ngumiti ka, tumawa tapos sabi mo "Kinder ka pa lang sinasabi mo na yan".

For the last time gaya ng lagi kong tinatanong, bago ako lumuwas...

Nay Lydia, maganda ba ko?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 27. Before they close her coffin, I saw her hand for the last time. Oh, the hand that touched me and the hand I hold. Daddy, how can I let go?

It was a week of fighting the tears. There were times that I lost when I'm alone and remembering our moments together. The hardest was when her lifeless earthly body arrived at home, when it was about to leave home, while I'm sharing the eulogy and whenever I see my Mom, Aunts and Uncle  cry! But I have to control it. I have to stand firm in the promise that I will see her again one day and that she's "safely home" now. He is really my only strength in my weakest moments. I feel like if I start crying with my all, I know it'll be really hard to stop and I might not be able to do anything.  Inhale, exhale. She is okay now. She is finally free from pain. Trust in His word.  She is with Jesus.


Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but He died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit. 1 Peter 3:18

"safely home"

That is why the Good News was preached to those who are now dead--so although they were destined to die like all people, they now live forever with God in the Spirit. 1 Peter 4:6

"they now live forever with God"

Thank You for the Gospel my Lord. Thank You for this wonderful power to save. Your Gospel is indeed peace.

surrendering and fixing my eyes on You

Yes, going through a sunset in utterly painful.
But then, I realized, we can't hate going through sunsets for it's needed for sunrise.
It could also mean a new beginning after all.
This new year is our sunrise. Our new beginning.
His glory will continue to shine in every season.

Still praising You for letting  me be with my Nanay Lydia all these years.

It was just a dream

Tonight was a dream

Yesterday was... 

It's just a thought. 

It's all "who would've thought?" 

Encouragements and Greetings

Questions and service 

Endings and Beginnings 

It's pouring and our calling 

Directions, steps and care

I don't care. Strong right? It's okay. 

Mindful. Grateful. 

I was talking to Daddy. It's amazing how He kept my heart together.

How I was still allowed to breathe, to laugh, to listen and to speak

When I thought you didn't see, you did. 

When I can't say it, you said it.  (There were times I was wondering how you could say those things?HAHAHA) 

I didn't think you'll come but you came. 

It was just a dream. 

It was just a dream. 

How can it be real? 

Is it real? 

Yes, it is..

but it's still a dream.

"More Beautiful You"

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine

Says she wants to look that way

But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake

And she's always felt overweight

Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see

That beauty is within your heart

And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair

Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done

Anything to get ahead

And you say you've got a man but He's got another plan

Only wants what you will do instead

Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come

You starve yourself to play the part

But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true

And He'll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far

To back away be who you are

To change your path go another way

It's not too late, you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets

The shameful nights hope to forget

Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs

Can rid your fears, dry all your tears

And change the way you look at this big world

He will take your dark distorted view

And with His light, He will show you truth

And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you

There could never be a more beautiful you

More Beautiful you - John Diaz 

When it's hard to breathe

            I don't know if I could blame the allergy or what... but last month ,  there are times that  I just found it hard to breathe. I felt  a little pain on my chest and on my back too. I felt it once while I'm teaching and the other one before going to bed.

            I remember telling my student, "Is it (inhale ) okay (inhale) if I will (inhale) take (inhale) a deep breath (inhale) like this (inhale) in our class?"

            It was just so hard, I don't even know why I suddenly felt that way.

            All I could do is be reminded of the bleeding woman in  Luke, imitate her by touching Jesus with my faith. I cried out to Him and believe for healing.

           After some minutes though, I felt better and I could even eat lunch with my co-teachers. Thank God for the relief!


             But then after some days, while I was in my home in Bulacan, it happened again. I was about to go to sleep and it's .. it's hard to breathe again.

              My natural tendency was really not to bother others when I'm hurting. As much as possible, I'll try to endure on my own. My family were sleeping and I don't want to disturb them or to add to my Mom's worries. Thus, I just prayed (are you surprised? haha). I prayed for healing and I surrendered as well. If ever it's my last night here on earth, I offered my soul to Him  and I also wrote my goodbye letter in my Bible (in case it's time for me to go to my real home - heaven, para ready! ).

             My "goodbye letter" it simply consists of me trying hard to share the Gospel hehe....

             I wrote:

"If ever I'm gone and already gone to heaven, don't be sad because I am with my beloved Jesus. 

My Lord and my savior. My all-in-all.

Please don't forget that Jesus is the only way to heaven! Please stop trusting in yourself! Start trusting in Jesus alone!

Romans 6:23!

John 3:16!

Ephesians 2:8-9!!!!

I love you, but Jesus loves you more than most!

This is a great life only because of Him!

Love,

Ycs. "

Ang OA noh? But really!
It's  my hope that even my death could still be used for the Gospel to be heard, known and believed.

I closed my eyes. Not knowing if I could still wake up.

But hey! I'm writing today so that means.. I woke up!!! (Are you surprised?HAHA)

Found  myself crying....

I woke up... I. woke. up! 

Maybe I could still offer something in this world.

When it's hard to breathe, I learned about numbering my days.

I suddenly had that greater desire to do something that could really impact people's lives. I hope that I'll just be able to do my best, give my best and love at my best.

I learned more about appreciating every moment, every season ,every friendship, every events,every struggles, every food (haha)...

I'm grateful that I could still finish my second sem in UP or that I was able to share my faith to a classmate, that I was able to be Fuu of Magic Knight Rayearth for a day or just pray one more prayer  for the nation of Nepal, Jordan or Bhutan.  I get to  hug my Mom tighter, to laugh with my brother, to make Stephen smile and simply read the Bible to my Lola or just ask her again "Maganda ba ko?" hahaha!

When it's hard to breathe,  I remember still thinking about my future husband. Hehe.

"Daddy, if it's my last night, paano na si MOG?"

And then I realized that his is a great life only because of Him!

I'm  continuously learning  that life, that this life,  is simply all about Him. Dancing with Him, looking at Him.. enjoying Him. It's still a life worth living. It's a beautiful life.  :")

I'm still not that completely healthy physically these days... I still have my allergies at night, slight fever, colds, cough, headache, sore throat whatever

but hey..

He is still God and  I'm  still breathing.

"Joy unspeakable, faith unsinkable,

Love unstoppable, anything is possible

Just to know You and to make You known

We lift Your name on High

Shine like the sun made darkness run and hide

We know we were made for so much more

Than ordinary lives

It's time for us to more than just survive

We were made to thrive" - Thrive, Casting Crowns 

Declaring for healing to come and that for me to be a better steward of this body and of every breath!  In Jesus Name. Amen!




                                                                                                      Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash

Tears Wows Awes (Heart could burst)

Beautiful

Constant 

Stays 

What is life without You?

Secures

A lot of words has been given and offered 

Why mine would matter? 

Cares

Cares

Heart could burst 

Really, I have You? 

Really, You're with me 

Heart leaps 

Mind's at peace

You 

Protects 

Cheers 

Invites

Life is You 

Love is You 

My breath, let it be Yours

May be after Your honor 

Loves

Loves

on 

and on 

Tears

Wows

Awes

Thank Yous 

Encourages

Smiles 

Molds 

Holds 

Rest 

Creates

no word would be enough

oh Beautiful 

Oh

Oh Word

Oh Lord 

Oh God

Oh King 

Father

Daddy

Brother 

Teacher 

Way

Only way

Glory

Glory

Glory

Holy

Holy

Holy

Victory

Yours

Yours alone 

Us

We

Sweetest

Who can't ask "Who am I?"

Who can't ask "Who are we?"

Savior

Who is like You? 

Be lifted!

Reason of life

Reason to live

Reason for  hope

To love

to care

to be who You says

Let it You

In the end

in the beginning,
Let it be pleasing. 

Let it be You. 

Daddy's whisper: You're worthy.

I love learning.

And these days, I guess  it's not too late to learn more about my worth.

Take this from someone who grew up believing the lies that  she's just a nobody. Someone who always need to earn someone's approval or love. Someone who always long for attention. Someone who's NSSB (No Suitor Since Birth)  and NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). Someone who always always thought that she's not beautiful, there's something wrong with her, no one will like her or that she'll never be good enough (Sponge Cola's Neon on repeat? haha).

It's been obviously hard  for me to believe that I have value. But in His time,  it was introduced to me.

The starting point is when I heard the Gospel (what Jesus did for you and me) and  became real in my life. I was consumed by Jesus'  love for me.  Is it really possible for Someone to love me so much to the point of His death? That He'll trade the comforts of heaven just to be with me? To bear  the unbearable pain that's supposed to be... for me? In Jesus, the answer to these questions is a resounding' Yes'. Just thinking about it can easily bring me to tears.

Wow, Someone cares, Someone shed His blood, Someone loves someone like....me?
So, I have value? I am loved? Can I be secured?




It took sometime for that to sink in. It's  been a process for me.

Have you  heard of the saying that "You must preach the Gospel to yourself everyday." ? I have. But why? Why do I have to preach the Gospel to myself everyday?

Because I tend to forget. I really tend to forget my worth.

 I was reading The Chronicles of Narnia - The Silver Chair last night and I read a great quote from Aslan. It  reminded of my tendency to forget and the importance of remembering. Remembering His word and who he says I am.

Because I tend to forget. I really tend to forget my worth.

Especially while I'm waiting for my MOG. This waiting process has been a roller coaster ride. I will feel lonely some days and then I will feel secure again  after talking to Daddy.  I'm learning a lot in this season about self-worth and security.  There are many principles from women's talks , from my leaders or from books. The purpose actually of this post is to summarize them. Kindly click to the links for my post about those. :")

1. Don't be "assumera"

2. Do the  ABCs of Waiting

3. Know

I was talking to one of my sisters in Christ  one night (specifically on the night of my birthday)  and shes' just telling me about the man who  just laid down his intention towards her. One thing that I learned and realized that night was that MOG is brave. He's got to be brave. It takes courage to initiate a relationship even if he's not sure if the woman will respond as he wants her to respond.  Know your MOG. Know that he is courageous. Know that he is a leader.


4. You will do the choosing

This is what I'm learning these days. One day, I will choose. I will be the one to decide. I will be the the one to be pursued and not the other way around. I will be the one to decide if I want  him in my life. We have roles to embrace pala. This is new to me because I'm really used to be the one na..you know.. after a guy.. I mean parang desperate.. may crush ganyan..like oh sana I -like nya yung post ko, longing for his attention etc. Ang weird nito for me promise. HAHA. Buti na lang si Daddy, teacher din. hehe.

Men are meant to pursue and  initiate . Women are meant to be pursued and respond.

I'm learning din about responding!  My leader told me to ask these to myself when that time comes:

"nakukulitan ka or "naiinspire"?

"pwede na" or "eto na yun"?

One day, it'll be inspiring and eto na yun. HAHA.

Pero right now, for us, women.. enjoy natin tong Father-Daughter season. Yung kayo lang ni Daddy Lord. He has made everything beautiful in His time. May you enjoy every season.  Mag pa mold ka lang. Mas main love ka pa sa Kanya. :")

There are times that I'm still wondering .. "Shocks..Talaga ba? I'm meant to be pursued? I have the right to choose?" Siguro ikaw din at one point. But yeah girl, you are. You have. Not because you are above other women or the man but simply because you're His Daughter and He loves you the most. Daddy only wants nothing but the best for you.

Hear  this: "My Daughter, you're worthy".

PS.

No matter what, may MOG man or wala. You have THE ONE. You have Jesus. One secret on this is the truth that  LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HIM. Yung life mo? Yung love story mo? Yung kayo ni MOG? ALL. ABOUT.  HIM.

24 at 24

It's been habit to document some highlights of my year. Here are 24 things that happened when I was 24:


1. Braces!!! (January 2017)

- this is such a dream come true! It's really a desire to have a beautiful smile that will just bring Him more glory and of course, a beautiful smile for MOG on our Wedding day as well. HAHAHA!

2. First time mag loan sa Pag-ibig and SSS.

3. University of the Philippines enrollment!

- hunger games ng subjects! Grabe! Thank You Lord talaga sa grace sa pag e-enroll!

4. EDTEG 201 and EDFD  247

- teaching in the early grades and values and education subjects. I met my first profs in the university and met new friends! I'm so grateful that I learned a lot from them. It was challenging, yes but we learn!

5. Made a case study for EDTEG 201!

6. First time to present in UP!

7. First time to report as well!

8. Zorro talked and complimented me!

9. my first UP shirt!

10. May suki na sa University ng hotdog at dynamite.

11. Ate at Shakey's in front of Ateneo!!!

12. We got a store in front of our house! Yay for own business!

13. watched Kita kita, 100 tula para kay stella, Love you to the stars and back

14. watashiwa Ycah desu! Japanese convention with Ana!

15. climbed Mt. Batolusong!!! So beautiful!!! (September 30)

16. I got my first grades in UP and they're an answered prayer and faith goal!

17. First time to attend Missions caravan!!! (HEART for Bhutan)

18. Ate cams gave me Strengths Finder!Precious advance gift!

19. Knew my top 5 strengths!


Woo
Connectedness
Learner
Belief
Restorative

20. Finished 121 with Stella. I pray that she'll have her Victory Weekend soon!

21. I was not living with Jenny anymore :"(  I miss her so much!

22. Prayer walk in UP and interviewed HT Pat and her hubby about their marriage

23. Leadership 113 graduation!!!

24. Prophetic Presbytery!!!!! (September 23)





 Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. 

                                                                            (Ephesians 3:20-21New Living Translation (NLT))

Dear May 14,

Hi there! This is me, May 24! In two days, it's May 25's turn. So, I've got to do this now. I know you've been writing to me. I read one of your letters last week and your diaries (wow you've been expecting a lot from me)  so I decided to write back to you my dear. I hope you could actually read this!

 Well how are you there in that yellow room of Rizal? You're in second year of high school right? Maybe you're with your classmates and crushes right now. Haha. I think you're enjoying hanging out with Diane, so crazy about Yael, high school musical (Breaking Free), candy magazines, Princess hours! Yes, I know.

Well to update you about those things, after 10 years... Diane is a Mom now. I just saw her post on Facebook (after friendster, there will be facebook) and her baby is so cute! I'm still using the nickname that she gave you "Ycah" and I miss her. I'll always be grateful for her life but we rarely hang out na. :"( Don't worry though you'll meet more girls that would mean a lot to you as well. :")

How about being crazy about Yael? Haha. Yael is your world right? Oh,  I have  a surprise for you! One day, you'll meet him in person!!! It'll be awesome! Your rocking romeo!!! Not just once but multiple times! (Can you believe this?). One day, you'll also find yourself along Katipunan Ave and you'll even eat in front of Ateneo!!! (I know it's your dream).  He's married now though! It's not with Ate Lia , but with another wonderful woman. I know this is painful for you. Aww.

 Yael is still special to me. He's still the best vocalist out there and Sponge Cola is still the best band. But, they're not my world anymore.  You never thought of this but, one day you'll meet Someone far  greater than Yael. One day.

I just listened to Breaking Free some minutes ago. I still love it. I remember you're always waiting for it on the radio and records that time that it's played or it's spot on the count down. There will come  a time that you can listen to it anytime you want. :")

Speaking of radio, wala nang 99.5 Hit FM and Nu 107 Rock. :"( You loved listening to the BrewRATs show too  so for an update, Tado passed away already but one day, you 'll meet Ramon Bautista!!

You loved Acel Bisa then and I love her more now! I read her book and her life is such an inspiration to me now.

You're also crazy as well about Princess Hours! Do you still sneek out at night just to watch it? Would you believe me when I say that my job now is teaching English to Koreans? I talk to Koreans almost everyday! I still watch K dramas and it's still very popular until now. This time though, I watch them on my phone. Yes, that's possible in your future.

Candy mags!!! You're so happy with your latest one! The one with Gio Limjoco on the cover! Yael is there too right? Boy panel! I remember how happy you were. Haha. Yung self- portrait ni Yael and the Unbearable Lightness of Being! You will have more Candy mags but as for me, I don't collect anymore. I just visit their website: candymag.com.  Still a Candy girl I guess.

Let's talk about online and tech stuffs now. I mentioned Facebook earlier. That's the famous SNS these days. Friendster is long gone. I saw the FS shout out that you prepared. I realized that you' re so me and I'm so you. I still prepare and collect FB status. HAHA! But yeah, prepare to say good bye to FS. Ouch. Wala na ding GM GM these days. HAHA!

I read what you wrote "Impossible dream: College" Not really. You will graduate and you will with honors - Cum Laude! Broadcast Comm ang course sa PUP - Manila.  Akalain mo ba naman yan? What a miracle noh? And now, I'm still a student. Yes, prepare for this girl... I'm studying... in... UP - Diliman!!!!! I'm taking Educ Units.  What? I 'm not kidding! Sobrang I know hindi ka maniniwala but it happened! Kaya nga sabi ko sayo lagi akong dumadaan ng Ateneo. HAHAHA. Later I'll tell you how it all happened and why.

Sa family naman, I know you really hate it kapag pinapagluto ka  ni Inang or pinaglilinis. Today, I miss it so much and I appreciate it. I love cooking now.  I miss those days na trio kayo ni Inang at Tita. I miss maghatid ng tahi sa Bustos and I miss Inang so much. She's gone now my dear. It's been a year so please treasure every moment with her.

I'll do my best too to help Tita Laura. Yes, I will not forget her sacrifices para maka pag aral ako.I know you're counting on me on this.  I pray to really be  a blessing to her and her son. Yes, a son! May anak na si Tita!!!! His name is Stephen and si May 23 yung nagpangalan sa kanya! :")

Nanay is back too! She's with us now (pati si Angelo Yay!) and she's taking care of Nanay Lydia. Nay Lydia is not in good health these days  but I'm still praying na maabutan nya ang pagiging LET passer ko tsaka na makilala nya si MOG (Man of God - that's how I call the man na nilaan ni Lord for me)

Hmm anong nangyari sa mga crush mo? They became your friends. Oh, I remember, some months ago, I saw one of your crushes, we met in a place and had a picture. He commented on our photo  "Ang ga-ganda naman ng mga kasama ko" . HAHAHA. If that's you hindi mo kakayanin. He will find you beautiful somehow but you're friends. One day magiging wala na lang yan. There will come  a time din na you'll thought hindi na mawawala yung crush mo on someone but it's possible. Natatawa na nga lang ako sa mga sinulat mo about them. Grabe I really wish I could talk you back then, sorry I can't. Anyway, may MOG naman tayo so..

Speaking of MOG, I know you're so curious about your / our love life. NBSB pa din ako my dear like you  and I'm grateful. We are reserved to His man. Only one man.Please be secured.  I'm grateful how God protected me all these years and I'm excited for your discovery of love. I know you're singing "I always thought that love could be the strangest thing to me". I know you feel like your family and relatives hate you and no one loves you, no one will accept you. I know you feel like you're nothing and not worth anything at times because hindi ka crush ng crush mo. But my dear, some years later, you will meet your THE ONE. Love Himself! Yes, I met my THE ONE who will accept you and  love you the most!!! And that is Jesus!!

May 18 met Jesus (the One that's far greater that Yael) and that's the game changer in your life. He is the author of your faith, your hope and the ultimate source of your LOVE. Grabe ka Nya I -si-secure. Grabe lang na He will reveal His great love sa 'yo.   Be excited. Super excited! Your future is so bright because Jesus is there. He is the culprit why we finished school or why I'm studying in UP now. And oh, I forgot to mention, May 22 went to Korea too by His grace and power alone! AWEsome right? I call myself Princess in Awe now.

The last 10 years has been wonderful because of Jesus. Your life is wonderful because of Him alone.

Instead of shouting "I love you Yael!!!!" , I'm shouting "Thank You for Your love Jesus!!!" now and you will too.

I want to hug you when I read your letter and your diary entries. Ang sarap mo I -disciple bata ka. HAHA. You'll be a new creation soon. Hang in there. Your purpose will be beyond you. It'll be  a great journey.

Let's wait for May 34's letter to us.


                                                                                                                                 Love,

                                                                                                                                May 24

Mt. Batolusong

September 29 -30 are special days for me. That's when my Victory Weekend happened. Victory weekend is a two-day retreat that helped me in establishing my faith.  I can still vividly remember the best weekend of my life. I received the best gift ever (which is the Holy Spirit) and then I publicly declared that I am Christ's follower!  

To celebrate, I organized a hike going to Mt. Batolusong located in Tanay, Rizal last September 30. I never heard of this mountain until I read an article about Erich Gonzales'  climb. I searched the pics and amazed to realized that it's possible as well to see a sea of clouds. By faith, I hope people will accompany me. :")

There are some who responded they're going with me but in the last days messaged that they're not available anymore. I'm grateful for my dear friend / discipler Ana for staying and for Daddy God sa pag gising sa kanya (HAHAHA) . Kasi ang usapan, 2 AM, but my friend arrived at around 4AM! Yeah that's 2 hours of waiting but I just talked to Daddy na.. if before 5 AM dumating sya, tuloy kami, if not, it's His will na wag na lang muna mag bundok. :") Ayun nagising sya ng mga 3 AM plus. (Hi mars, you know you're forgiven hehe.) Ayun, hindi na namin naabutan sea of clouds. You have to start trekking ng 3 AM para maabutan!!! We also didn't go to Kay Ibon Falls ( a popular side-trip) because it's so slippery going there. 

Here are some of our pictures! :") Breathtaking sya! :") 

                

Let's go! :")

Ang linis ng tubig!! :") 

Stopped  to enjoy the view!

Buhay na bato :")

Mapatag Plateau

       

Tindahan ni Aling Yolly :") 

Talahib is love!

Buwis buhay part! (kinabahan ako dito haha)

We survived!! Whew!!!

Summit!!!

Prepared! Haha! I love our raincoat! Inspired by Love you to the stars and back! #joshlia HAHA

Erich. Hahahah

5 years ago she's with me on my Victory Weekend, and until now, she's here beside me. I thank God for her life!!! We're excited to climb with our MOGs in the future. HAHAHA!

I tried  to document what happened so that I can help you if ever you want to climb this beautiful mountain too! Here's what happened to us: 

4 AM - Jollibee Pureza (Ate breakfast, rode jeepney to Cubao) Php 13

5 AM - Cubao (rode a jeepney to Cogeo)  Php 25

6 AM - Cogeo (rode a jeepney to Sampaloc - pababa kayo sa Batangasan San Andres) Php 42

7 AM - arrival at Batangasan  (Rode a tricycle going to San Andres) Php 120 isang byahe  *60 each 

          - registered at the Brgy. hall of San Andres *Php 100 each

          - meet our tour guide (Ate Rose)  Php 500 ( *Php 250 each) 

          - start trek 

          - side trip to Sangab Cave  

          - some stops to drink water (you can drink in a mountain spring! Isn't that AWESOME?!!) 

          - met other mountaineers/ tour guides

          - amazed with the clean river (ang cute cute! ang linis) 

          - Duhatan Ridge

          - ate egg, banana and siomai sa tindahan ni Aling Yolly (Php 12, Php 10, Php 25) 

          - Mapatag plateau 

          - Buwis buhay part (AHAHAHA) 

11 AM - summit!!! (shouted "Thank You for Your love, Jesus!!!) 

12 NN  - descent 

             - tambay ulit sa tindahan ni aling Yolly. Heard their funny stories when they met Angel                                        Locsin and Erich Gonzales 

               - ate pansit canton (yes, even sa taas ng bundok may pansit canton!! (Php 25)

              - umulan na, ang  slippery na pababa!!! Thank God for the safety!!!

   2PM (I think) - took a bath at Sangab Cave. Ang lamig ng tubig!!!  Nakipaglaro sa mga local kids too!

   3PM   - nagbanlaw, roller coaster of emotions... nawala yung wrist watch ni Ana :"( Hindi na namin                           nakita. Do not leave your valuables unattended!!!  (Php 20 - hindi na kami pinagbayad                                 dahil   sa   nawalang watch though) 

   3:30 PM - Brgy. Hall (hugas ulit ng shoes hehe) 

              - said good bye to our Tour Guide na super bait. :") First time ko magkaroon ng female na                                guide - Ate Rose. It's like hiking with your Mom!

              - rode a tricycle to the highway Php 120 - (*60 each)

              - rode a tricycle  pa sakayan ng Cogeo na jeep (Php 50) - mahirap na sumakay at maghintay                        ng jeep eh

              - rode a jeep to Cogeo Php 30

              - ate dinner sa Cogeo 

              - rode a jeep to Cubao Php 25 Roller coaster of emotions, got a news that my grandmother is                             in the hospital  :"( 

              - rode a jeepney to stop n' shop and pureza (Php 11/ Php 13) 

It's been 5 years since I responded to Your great love. 

It's been 5 years since I believed that You are bigger and greater than any mountains. 

It's been 5 years of realizing that I'm not really alone. 

It's been 5 years of strengthening the faith and trusting You anyway. 

5 years of being in Awe of You, Daddy God.. Jesus and Holy Spirit.

I'll always be Your #princessinAwe 

In awe of Your favor in good times. In awe of Your comfort and power in the midst of challenges. 

In awe of Your creation. 

In awe of who You are.

Thank You for being my ultimate source of Kilig!!! Happy 5th anniv to us my Lord!!! Excited for more years and seasons with You!!!

What to do before true love comes

Okay, so you realized na you must stop being assumera and that some things are not good for you in this season. You're just tired of being desperate on things na hindi naman talaga ikaw ang totally in control like your love life. Hehe. So what's next? What are you going to do after being crazy about your crush,  your ex or yung pa fall na guy na yan? What are you going to do now that you decided to seriously wait for His time and for His man?

Here's a  blog post that I read years ago and I'm just so grateful to stumble upon it again. It really helped me a lot and I just want to share it to you girls! This one's written by one of my girl crushes - Ate Joei Revilleza. She's  great woman of God and her waiting and love story was  even featured in MMK! I was so kilig when I watched it! She was writing to her future husband and her future husband was writing to her too! Teehee! Pag si God  talaga sumulat ng Love Story oh! Okay, so, let's learn the ABCs of waiting now. :") 

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Single ladies, young and old alike are looking for true love. We get excited and teary-eyed when watching romantic comedies. We daydream of wearing a beautiful white gown, walking down the aisle. For some, true love comes in their early twenties; the others, much later in life. But all need to wait for that one whom God has destined for them. Now what to do while waiting? Here’s my ABC for waiting.

Act like a woman. When I say act like a woman, I mean look respected. This is not really about how you look but how you perceive and conduct yourself in front of other people. Do you want to be respected? Then dress modestly (You can still be fashionable while being modest). How you perceive and conduct yourself determines how people will treat you. Also, learn from older Christian women. As said in the Hebrews 6:12b, “imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”

Brothers not Potential Boyfriends. Most women are blessed with male friends from whom they can trust and learn from. Sadly though, women assume other things from the friendship and so do the men. We, in turn, do not enjoy the God-given friendship. I encourage you instead to view your male friends like brothers and not potential boyfriends. Think of them as your friend’s future husbands not your potential husbands and treat them with respect. With this in mind, you will guard your heart from deceit and malice and also enjoy the friendship.

Care for other people. Offer your services to someone in need. Learn to love your siblings and your parents more. This trains your heart to love unconditionally and fills your heart with so much love that you will not seek a man’s love. You will be surprised how much happier you will be when you give love away.

Develop skills and abilities. God have gifted you with a lot of skills and abilities and He wants you to use your gifts. Look for avenues where you can hone your skills and use them to serve God. Be busy! When you do so, you will feel that you are in the spot where God wants you to be and this gradually will lead you to the destiny God has for you. And don’t forget, you would also want your future husband and children to be proud of you.

Express your love for your future husband. When I was waiting for my husband, I rested in the fact that God reserved me for one man. I pray for him. I bought a ring and placed it on my ring finger to remind me that I am reserved for God’s prince for me. When I looked at it, it reminded me of my price and why only one man can take that ring off my finger and replace it with an engagement ring. I wrote a journal to him. The journal served two purposes: A reminder for myself that someone is waiting for me and a gift to my husband on our wedding day. It worked! When you’re waiting, a lot of times you will lose sight of the goal so make yourself reminders of God’s gift at the end of this season. Express your love for your future husband to make the waiting sweeter and worth the wait.

Above all this, be secure that love will come to your life. It may not be how you planned it to be but God has a better plan for your life. As my friend Steph put it, “Fairy tales set the standard too low.” The love story God has written for you will be worth the wait so WAIT!

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

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I tried writing to my MOG (Man of God) some years ago in a journal. I called him "sweetheart, love, sometimes "crush" hehe. After some time though,  I didn't have much time writing with a pen and paper.  I still want to write to him though so I made an online account in one of my favorite SNS so that I can still write to him online. I would just tell him about anything! Like, I miss him..I'm excited to meet him rather, to guard his heart if ever nasa singles camp sya that year or just be healthy etc.

 I'll just send him the link after our wedding. :")

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I just want you to remind you princess  that you're life is not supposed to be a "pursuit of marriage", there's a danger in making "love life" an idol . Your life is meant to be a "pursuit of Jesus Christ" and His plans and purposes for you. If it's His will for you to get married, it'll happen, if not, it's what He thinks is best for you and you'll be okay because not matter what, THE ONE who never gave up loving you would always be with you and He is more than enough. SMILE for JESUS my dear one. You are deeply loved. You are never loveless. :")

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You can visit the original blog post  here:  https://joeirevilleza.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/what-to-do-before-truelove-comes/

Time is Coming

Time is coming 

but I shouldn't be running

All I am I am laying 

To the One who'll do the slaying 

When my heart's  about to shatter 

Your Word never falter 

Fortress' found under Your feather 

there You hold me together

It's the season for this writer 

Of knowing You're a good  grower  

Of knowing You're a good Father 

Full of love that lasts forever

I can now stop mumbling 

Enjoy life with humming

A lot of things are happening

I just really miss writing

I saw Kita Kita!

#itsnowitsnever #pusolangangmaysaging #aishiyu  #Kitakita


Isa - Isang oras mahigit ko pinigilan ang pag punta sa CR para walang ma miss sa pelikulang to. Ang daya nila anim at walo lang sila. haha (babala: wag gagayahin)

Dalawa - Dalawa kaming nanuod ni Anabells pero ang daming nakikitatawa sa amin hahaha! At grabe talaga ng pila! Parang sa PUP lang!

Tatlo - Tatlong malalaking pack ng Kettle Corn ang baon namin  sa loob ng sinehan! Mukha na kaming Pop Corn!

Apat-  Apat na oras akong naghintay sabay pray for good health for anabells and for my lagnat na mawala na!

Lima-  Limang beses akong nag aya ng makakasama  para mapanuod to last Sunday pero walang pwede!!!! huhuhuhu!

Anim-  Anim na beses ata sumakit ang panga ko kakatawa!

“Nagugutom ako kapag nakarinig ako ng bell.



 Naaalala ko ang recess.” – Tonyo


Pito- Pitong beses ko ata na alala si Arlene dahil sa repolyo nyang kaligayahan!

Walo- Walong beses kong nakita nag poster ng movie na to sa gateway. I don't know why  I kept looking at it. Ngayon nag make sense na yung poster. Wahaha!

Syam - Syam na beses akong nangarap na mag bike in a Spring season. Haha!          

Sampu - Sampung beses kong hiniling na sana hindi ako nag basa ng reviews, plot, nag pakwento or nanood ng trailer. I think mas maa ppreciate ko kung wala akong idea at all!

Pretty sweet movie. Eiga Sai feels. I love it when they speak Japanese.Because of different perspectives and surprises, it reminded me of "Crazy Little thing called Love"  na movie ni Baifern and Mario . Ganda boses ni KZ! And somehow feel ko, it's like supporting Filipino movie makers,  Papa Piolo and other Cornerstone artists. hehe.  It's always nice watching movies with Anabells! Always.

Paano mo malalaman pag in love ka?

“Kapag nagbago na ang mundo mo….Nag-iiba ang expression ng mukha mo, lumiliwanag ang mukha mo.” – Lea

Next? 100 tula para kay Stella. :")

One Saturday Morning and Words of affirmation

One Saturday morning.

Last hours with the sunflowers.

Lovely moments with a dear friend. 

My heart is just so full  with words that I'm hearing from other people these days. Words that I never thought I would hear and I'm just overwhelmed.  Let me document them with the pictures that we took in UP one Saturday morning. 

                                          "Teacher, ang ganda mo ngumiti". - Czyrish, 9 

                                 "Ycah, thank you sa blog mo about sunflowers!!"  - Ate Jen

                                      "Ang fashionista mo talaga , Teacher!" - Erika
                                  Parang ang bagay sa 'yo ng mga sinusuot mo." - Gelyn

                                  "Teacher, ang blooming mo. Sino yan aside kay God?" - Yvette

                           That's one of the hardest questions to answer. Wala namang ibang sagot eh.

More than what other people could say, I'm eternally grateful for our God who just lavish me with the greatest affirmation: His life, for my life. HUHUHUHU.