I just don't know why I'm feeling sad and I just don't know why I'm crying. Tears just fell when I read the words "I loved you at your darkest". Not because I felt "sadder" of course but because I felt free again to come to Him.. I just want to share whatever I'm feeling.
Maybe it's still all about guilt. I feel so guilty every time I will not eat or delay it to save money. I will feel so guilty every time I would buy food when I'm not supposed to (dahil naka budget na ). I feel so guilty that maybe I'm not praying enough. I feel so guilty because I don't feel like liking other group's entry. I feel so guilty for not treating a friend right and for not being generous to her..I feel so guilty that maybe I'm not encouraging Monica enough or maybe I'm not being a good Admin in our Team Building. I feel so guilty that I'm not having that fruitful Quiet Time with Dad nowadays. I just so miss Him. I feel so guilty that I don't look blooming every day (seriously) meaning I feel guilty that maybe Christ is not seen in me. I feel so guilty of not having a costume for our Halloween party, for not being sure if I'll go there first before going to Ate Misha's wedding..guilty..guilty..guilty...
Sometimes, I lose hope for my heart. I feel so frustrated as to why I'm like this. I'm wondering if I will change, that my heart could just be new and have His heart in a snap at all times. I feel so weak.
It seems that I can't do anything. I feel so sleepy and time just passes by. Looking in the blogs and sites, looking at people's IG. It seems that they're having a life and me watching and adoring it instead of having my own.
Obviously, there are lies in my head right now. But here's the truth:
There's always hope in Him. I'm being sanctified. I am predestined to be like Christ (that's a promise). His Grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness.He adores me. He will help me to take good care of my body and to be a good steward at the same time. He loves me and nothing and no one could ever change that. In all of these all I could do is just continue to believe and have faith.
As they say "Faith is not a feeling." Trust. Continue to worship. Fight to seek Him. Cry and pour out my heart to Him. He understands..He understands..much that I can't understand myself..
Then I remember, smile..for Jesus.
Maybe it's still all about guilt. I feel so guilty every time I will not eat or delay it to save money. I will feel so guilty every time I would buy food when I'm not supposed to (dahil naka budget na ). I feel so guilty that maybe I'm not praying enough. I feel so guilty because I don't feel like liking other group's entry. I feel so guilty for not treating a friend right and for not being generous to her..I feel so guilty that maybe I'm not encouraging Monica enough or maybe I'm not being a good Admin in our Team Building. I feel so guilty that I'm not having that fruitful Quiet Time with Dad nowadays. I just so miss Him. I feel so guilty that I don't look blooming every day (seriously) meaning I feel guilty that maybe Christ is not seen in me. I feel so guilty of not having a costume for our Halloween party, for not being sure if I'll go there first before going to Ate Misha's wedding..guilty..guilty..guilty...
Sometimes, I lose hope for my heart. I feel so frustrated as to why I'm like this. I'm wondering if I will change, that my heart could just be new and have His heart in a snap at all times. I feel so weak.
It seems that I can't do anything. I feel so sleepy and time just passes by. Looking in the blogs and sites, looking at people's IG. It seems that they're having a life and me watching and adoring it instead of having my own.
Obviously, there are lies in my head right now. But here's the truth:
There's always hope in Him. I'm being sanctified. I am predestined to be like Christ (that's a promise). His Grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness.He adores me. He will help me to take good care of my body and to be a good steward at the same time. He loves me and nothing and no one could ever change that. In all of these all I could do is just continue to believe and have faith.
As they say "Faith is not a feeling." Trust. Continue to worship. Fight to seek Him. Cry and pour out my heart to Him. He understands..He understands..much that I can't understand myself..
Then I remember, smile..for Jesus.
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