afraid to talk about?

could really attending wake is a part of a vacay?
well,yes for me..it's just giving me confusion to blog about this or not,,,but hell yeah...It really bugs me up...


first with sudden aj's death.
life is short...
the muscles of my whole body started to move strangely..as bad as my emotions..life.is.short.it made me think about last minutes..last moments..that every seconds indeed count cause well never really know..I'm starting to wonder what he's thinking,what he's feeling during those lasts..last performance..last birthday..last words..last hugs..everything!!!!Aj's death made me think too much,inspired perhaps?but no..honestly I became..afraid.much that I don't want to.

Now,learning to trust.to trust to trust in our God.that's the ability that i care much for to posses.

next is the death chat with my aunt..the very minute of receiving the message of loss..how she felt,how traumatic..how it made her head feel so big,and her heart so restless...It's been causing me every time to think.again,trust,please.


The wake of my great grandmother's sister,the images of her youth and came up to be how she is inside that coffin now..very different..could anyone bother to talk about or even think about the life she'd been?walking as were taking her to her last destination (as others would say),would anyone care?i mean really care?how would it be like after?indeed our life is a very thin bubble or better yet..a vapor..gone without even anyone would dare to realize.


what am I saying?trust,please trust ycah..but as I'm going through the letters and words..it's making me shiver...


the radio talk that I once heard about just wanting to be able to witness who would come to your wake is what the Dj's been praying about not to long ago,well as for me?do I really want to or not or perhaps just too afraid again and worried or whatever?


after the funeral..what came up is the challenge of indeed giving my family what they deserve to finally experience a comfortable life...