Oh me of little faith

My eyes still hurt. I cried hard at Mcdo yesterday. It was kinda embarrassing. Never thought I'll be that emotional. The super-excited me for my friend/ spiritual daughter's victory weekend suddenly hit a rock bottom. She'll not do it she said.

For now.

I was surprised and the tears just fell. It actually  communicate what's  obvious.

I'm scared.  Scared that the enemy is triumphing over stealing the Words  and faith that were planted  in her  heart.
I'm worried. Worried that because she feels okay na with her life again,  and therefore stop the fire for Him.
Worried that she might be one of the girls that I fail to establish in the faith thus missed out a lot.
I'm insecure. I felt that I'm not good enough or that I just really can't be her leader. I can't lead well. Oh no, what did I do wrong?
I'm disappointed. It's like a wedding was just postponed when everything's almost ready. But not the bride.

Now that I'm writing it, the more I realized... Oh me of little faith!

There's no fear in love right?
Do not worry, instead pray for everything right?
You can only lead by His grace right?
It's only by the power of the Holy Spirit uy!
Everything will be beautiful in His time. He's in control! Oh me of little faith!

I surrendered and I still lead the VG last night with bawled eyes  and red face.

Like always, I wanted to ask, "Dad, what am I gonna do?"

and I know He'll answer, "Trust Me."

Ngiting "Lord I trust You with her life" 

24th Birthday

You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. - Song of songs 4:7

Princess in Awe at 24! Started the day with this from Daddy God. Hahahaha. (Sabe ko na talaga and ganda ko eh) #theSweetest

My heart was so full already and then there's a student who played saxophone for me, and then I received and read your messages with or without pictures (over, sobra na ako pero pwede nyo ba isulat at iabot sa akin pag nagkita tayo? love love letters), I got yakult, sterilized milk and  stick Os from officemates,  then I got a cake (thanks Cha! Sobrang desire ko talaga ang cake for my birthday!), phone call, prayers, opportunity to lead VGs, be with spiritual daughters,  and then on my bed, a surprise gift!

But then beyond all that, I saw how God blessed me so much of great people to meet in 24 years! Can't help but remember our moments together guys! I realized how I miss most of them  and how awesome it is to still to spend time with those who are around me in this season!

I realized, ang saya saya mag birthday!  PINUSUAN KO NG MALAKI sa PUSO ko ang bawat greetings promise! Challenging pala talaga to like or comment sa bawat isa.

Here's my prayer for you, my reader and for all of them:

Romans 15:13 New International Version (NIV)

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Kamsahamnida to Appa!

Ycah @ 23

It's the last day of being a 23 year-old. :(

There's something special when something is about to end right?I just want things to be remembered.  Thus,  I am now writing the things that happened in my 23rd year on earth.


1. I applied and short-listed for missions in Thailand.
2. I partnered with Ate Marian (Egypt and Jordan)
3. I met Cha. (my brother's first gf) and I am now doing 121 with her! I'm so happy!
3. Inang passed away. :(
4. We met Tito Cesar.
5. Jhared sarted writing and going to school.
6. Baby Stephen was born!
7. Angelo went back to school.
8. Kasama ko sa service si Mac, Nanay and Angelo!
9. I met and do 121 with Yana (from Dumaguete),  Yvonne, Micah, Luisa, Abi and Eloisa (from Tuguegarao)
10. Started to have VG in the workplace (I met Trixie, Shim, Ana, Wilma, Sandra, Heidi, Stella, Hillary, Pauline, Andrea and Luna.)
11. I attended a School of world missions graduation (visited EN Phase 2 building)
12. I took an exam at UP
13. I enrolled for Leadership 113.
14. Became a part of Ate Jen's Leadership group.
15. Attended the ONE conference and met Ate Ana (a missionary for Israel.)
16. I dyed my hair! (by Jennytots)
17. Three times best teacher!

Four years in Awe

Happy 4th anniversary to me and Jesus!

September 29-30, 2012

That's the date of my Victory Weekend and that would always be my #bestweekendever.

'At the cross' and 'We are the reason' were playing in the background. I was crying so hard out of gratefulness for what He has done for me. Finally, I'm home in His love! There's no place I'd rather be! (Hindi ko ma contain yung pag-ibig na naramdaman at  nararamdaman ko! Chapter 3 would always be my favorite!) I received the gift of the Holy Spirit. The curse has been broken.  I let go of the past and  of everything that's holding me. I was forgiven and I got the grace to forgive. Sobbed, worshiped and publicly declared,
"Everyone, I'm now a follower of Jesus!"

I remember, kahit pag-uwi ko at nasa puregold ako. Parang lumulutang yung feeling sa pagka in awe. Never felt so loved! As in, as in, AS IN!!!!!

My prayer back then was to never be familiar with what He has done and never take it for granted. I'm amazed that after 4 years, the awe is still there and even increasing to the nth power because of the joy of discipleship (helping women to realize their First Love!)! Never thought that I could have this kind of purpose. Never thought that I could lead in anyway. Never thought that this kind of life is possible!

Heavenly Father,

Thank You so much  for letting me be in awe. Thank You for giving Your Son Jesus for me, for my family, my friends and yet-to-be friends. Thank You for the Holy Spirit! Thank You for my sycamore trees (the people that You used for me to know You).  I'll be forever grateful and in awe of Your love. The unfathomable, the unconditional, the unending kind of love. Payakap, Dad! Happy fourth anniversary! In Jesus' Name. Amen. 

                                                                                                    Your princess in awe, 
                                                                                                               Ycah 

falling in love loving women falling in love with Him

She's so simple, so pretty. 

She smiles but it's empty. 

She needs a hug, a company. 

She needs strength, love, security, joy,  identity. 

She needs Jesus really. 

I've been longing to share Him to her. 

What-a-life it would be for her.

 I know He's the only solution

          to all her pain and  confusion. 

I'm excited for what she'll become!

Yes, a  woman after God's heart will come. 

She's broken and breaking within 

Got to be with her again and listen 

Come on Holy Spirit! 

Let's encourage her and pray! 

Just when I thought it's all over,

She read out a reviewer 

A  door was suddenly opened

I just find myself sharing the Gospel!

Heaven rejoices as she accepted

Our Lord Jesus Christ and His blood shed

I declare peace and wholeness for her heart 

I'm sure though that His love will never part

She' s so simple, so pretty

She smiles and  it's not empty 

She got a hug, a company

She found strength, love, security, joy, identity 

Jesus' all she needs really

What-a-privilege, what-a-joy to be used by Him 

 I'm falling in love loving women and may they all fall in love with Him.

- ycah padayao (September 23, 2016) 

Little girl's dream: UP

When I was a child, I had a dream. It's one of those that I can still vividly remember even after I woke up.  It was very simple:  I dreamt of a building with high and wide stairs.


When I was a child, I heard of UP. Well, who won't right? The number one, the best, where the really smart students go..oh the high and mighty.. UP. Yes, it'll be great to study there one day (I thought for seconds), but then I know it's so impossible, there's NO WAY I can study there. I'm not even sure if I can study in high school. Mag UP pa kaya after that? Nah. No. way. Okay. Shrug. Bye.  UP is like that, a dream. A dream that's just too far.

When I was a university student in PUP (yes, by God's grace I made it to high school and then nakapag PUP pa!) , I was in awe already! I'm so grateful and happy to be there. I just love my university. There, we had a professor (who studied in UP) and he asked us to go to UP for a tour and to watch a stage play. It was my first in UP. I was so amazed how wide it is, the trees, the Oble, the students, the Ikot jeepneys...but  what struck me the most is.... the Palma Hall.

When I saw it and climb it's steps, it seems like I've been here before! I've seen this! And yes, it's like my dream as a child:

"I dreamt of a building with high and wide stairs. "

It's so amazing. How could I have a dream about this place?

Anyway, I just find it amusing and eventually I moved on. Maybe UP and I just really meant to meet like that. As a visitor, as someone from another university. Oh, okay.Okay. Shrug. Bye.

I came back again as a visitor after that. Back then, I almost join an activist group and we had a meeting in UP one time. I also watched the lantern festival, shot some school project, ran with friends and  watch Eigasai (Japanese Film Festival). My  future with UP includes still watching Eigasai, run with friends  and  I was also planning to take pictures with the sunflowers there! That's it. No more. no less.

But then I started to become curious about teaching, education etc. How is it really to be trained as someone who'll  teach others? Most of my co-workers majored in Education and they really inspired me. The major thing is the thought that  I could really have an avenue to engage the students, the next generation plus, I could also be an effective first teacher of my future children (Haha, indeed, so futuristic). My heart beats fast when I thought about learning about it, eventually taking the LET and becoming a licensed teacher.

Wow. To think that I hated this thing before entering college.

"Ang tagal ko na nga sa school, sa school pa din ako magtatrabaho?" This is what was on my head at the time the my grandmother told me that she wants me to be a teacher. Who would've thought of a changed mind and heart right? As Ms. Acel puts it: isang  pambihirang pagkakataon.

The initial plan was  enrolling in NTC (National Teacher College) because I thought UP only offers online classes for those who want to have a Certificate of Professional Education. I'm not that into the idea of studying online so..

But then, last August 18, I went to UP to watch Eigasai with Ana. On the way there, I was with Camille, a co-worker who's currently taking up her masters in UP. While we were talking, she mentioned that CPE is not only online but there's a classroom setting too. She knows for sure because she has classmates who are taking CPE!

My heart fluttered against my ribcage. I can't hide my excitement. I was so kilig. So in awe. Honestly, just the thought of sitting and learning in a UP classroom makes me feel so giddy and hindi talaga makapaniwala! Huhuhu!

I called the UP College of Education to inquire  and the secretary told me that if I can submit all the requirements within the week, I can still make it to the next semester (which January  2017)!

I still don't have my NSO copy of birth certificate at that time so I hastily prayed and asked Daddy God  if I can have it right away so that I can pass the requirements ASAP.

Great thing is that God answered that prayer when Shim told me that she got hers for less than 30 minutes in the PSA main office!

I got mine in 20 minutes! Whoa. And now, my requirements are complete! I'll be in UP later to submit them and then we'll see. If it's His will, walang makakapigil. In Jesus' Name Amen! :)

----

November 10, 2016

Hello there! It's been over two months since I wrote this. Over two months since I saw my name in a receipt with "University of the Philippines" written on it. Over two months since I tried to ride the whole route of an IKOT jeep (yes, umikot sa UP, hehe). Over two months since I wrote a very challenging, childish, full of heart na hindi talaga  scholarly  na  essay.

Two months of waiting for their e-mail but there's none.
I'm starting to lose heart. Thinking maybe it's not for me.
Oh those two months. But then earlier, I decided tocall UP to ask and to know the status of my application.

Tantanannnnnn

Me: Hello po. This is UP college of education po di ba?
Her: Yes, Yes.
M: mag i inquire lang po sana  for the result ng exam...
Her: ah wala pang  result yung sa Masters
M: ah, sa CPE po..
H: ah, sa CPE? wait lang...

another person on the phone:

Him: Hello po.
M: mag i inquire lang po sana  for the result nung sa CPE?
H: Wait lang po... ano pong pangalan nila?
M: Jessica May Padayao.. Padayao po..
H: letter P po?
M: Opo
H: Pasado po
M: Pa..pasado po?
H: Opo ......


And the rest is poker face. Ganun pala yun. Yung gusto mo sumigaw at magtatalon pero dapat composed ka pa din.

Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. Yung essay ko... alam ko si Lord lang talaga ito. Pramis!  I'm just too in awe ngayun. Hala sya oh... UP oh... huhuhuhuhu!!!!

Come on! Let's be the teacher that He wants us to be! I declare favored sched, result ng medical , provision and above all, wisdom! May the purpose why He allowed me to be there prevail!

*tulala

Background Music:

"The Maker"

 by Chris August 

I see You in the sunrise

I see You in the rain

I see You in the laughter

I feel You through the pain

Everything that You have made is beautiful

Oh, my God, I can't believe my eyes

But in all of this to think that You would think of me

Makes my heart come alive

Your love is like a mighty fire deep inside my bones

I feel like I could climb a thousand mountains all at once

And I never have to wonder if somebody cares for me

I love the Maker

And the Maker loves me

I see You, You are creation

I see the grandness of Your majesty

The universe is singing all Your glory

I can't believe You live inside of me

More than just some words upon a page

You've shown me in a million ways

But there is one that stands above them all

Hands of creation on a cross

Letting going go

...Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2b)


Last October 04, 2015 I heard a preaching about the Nations.  The preacher said, "God's masterplan for us is to go to the nations."  I suddenly have that desire to go. I remember applying for Kyrgyzstan last 2014 but didn't make it. I thought maybe this time, is the time.

The church will go to Thailand and then ..

I remember I wrote that I think I will go to a country that starts with letter "T".
I would see people wearing Thailand shirts.
I would buy stuffs and read "Made in Thailand".
I would read "100 years from now and notice the really small percentage of believers in Thailand.
I would pray and receive this Word:


Matthew 8:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world—from east and west—and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I gradually fell in love with this nation.

The journey started like that and last January, I got to know those people who have the heart for missions too.  We meet each other once a month to hear a Word, to pray and to eat. Hehe. It's the 7th time yesterday.

The 7th and my last.

This morning is  the morning after the day it dawned to me that I can't attend the TDMS (Ten days Missions Support) training anymore and thus, I'll not make it to Thailand this year. The reason? The number of missioners became so limited and I simply didn't make it to the Top Ten.

And like, wow. It's my second rejection.

 I have a lot of brokenhearted/ letting go/  moving on feels. (e.g. "Tuloy Pa Rin in the background")  This really caught me off-guard and it's just by grace that I could still manage to smile and pray for them after realizing this.

I was so ready to resign and not to receive my 13th month pay, I watched Thai movies and kept it on my phone so that I can talk about it  to a young Thai student, I asked my brother to download a tutorial for me how to speak Thai and all.  Almost everything's plannned out but then, His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than  my thoughts. Yes, His plan will prevail and I know it's just way better than mine.

Kaya pala He's telling me earlier that morning that His will is good, pleasing and  perfect... to trust in His kindness etc. Now I'm holding on to those words.

Why do I even want to go to the nations anyway?

It's for Him right?

And if He doesn't want me to, why would I feel bad about it?

It's like organizing an activity for someone. You want to do it with him for him to be happy. But then you realize he doesn't want it pala. Ikaw lang naman may gusto siguro. So why feel bad? IT'S FOR HIM ANYWAY.

So what now? How to move on? hahaha!

.do my best in what I'm doing now
.lead the VGs well
.do one to one with the girls (yeah I think it's really a season of harvest!)
.attend the Singles' getaway
.stay in the office
.go back to Korea? Yay!
.receive my 13th month
.delete the thai movie on my phone
.support the missioners in Thailand by praying and sending them
.be faithful in serving okay?!
.start a ministry in the local church
.try and try until it's His time

Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.


Letting going go for now,

Ycah


P.S.

Eventually, it'll be:

To the nations,

Ycah

Every Company (VG in the workplace)

When I first came to you, dear brothers and sisters, I didn’t use lofty words and impressive wisdom to tell you God’s secret plan.

For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified. 

 I came to you in weakness—timid and trembling.  

And my message and my preaching were very plain. 

Rather than using clever and persuasive speeches, I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. 
                                                                                                         (1 Corinthians 2:1-4 NLT) 



Take a look at my last post. You'll notice that  I was over the moon back then when I had  a glimpse of having  group in the workplace , when I saw an open door, when I saw how God amazingly do it.

Before, I was just designing my "invitation card" like this:

And Ta- daaaa! It's really happening now!

                   After hearing the Good News!

I was praying and asking Daddy (God) last week  what I should share to our group in the workplace. And I am reminded of the most important message of all - The Gospel. I believe that it's the beginning and the foundation of this journey called Christianity.

I could just really feel the Holy Spirit moving through me and speaking through me at that time. It was such a powerful and amazing moment. It's so nakakakilig that I even bursted out in Facebook, "Yung season na mas nakakakilig na yung purpose and calling mo kaysa sa crush mo".

We started at the first Wednesday of May and it continued.
We met at Mcdonalds then in a food gallery. That's where I had a privilege to share the Gospel to the girls.Really praying  and now, I'm declaring that this wonderful seed in their heart will continue to grow.

Indeed, the joy of discipleship is one of my favorite feelings and moments. I think I'll do this for a lifetime!

Korean Ice cream after shift. Aww I miss Minerva/ Jhie!

Having a Victory Group in the workplace is a dream come true  for me and an obeyed command from Daddy God (He asked me to for more clearly last August 2015 and it's what, May 2016?). As His witness we just can't help but share what we saw and experienced. It's not easy but  it's worth it.

Here are some advice for those who have a heart to reach our their offices too  :

♥  Pray and Fast. Hear from God. Really seek His will for you, for them and for the group.
Really cry out to Daddy. More than you, He's the one who  really wants to reach out your officemates and friends!

♥  Try to have a spiritual sister or brother to co-lead the group with you, pray with you etc. It's really amazing how God let me know Heidi. She is my co-teacher who  also have the heart to reach out to our co-teachers! Prior meeting Heidi, Daddy  also let me know Ate Angelica. She really encouraged me to have a group in the workplace!

♥   Be ready. Set the time, place and duration. An opportunity to invite will come and you'll just know it's God who moved! Suddenly, you'll just be surprised that  your influence increased and people will just come and talk to you. But then, have faith with  action. Be engaging, be the one to talk to them too. Initiate. Be intentional. And don't forget! Discipleship is  a relationship.

♥   Believe in this. One of the primary way to make disciples is really a small group because here we don't feel alone with our faith. We can share our lives to others. We don't have to fight alone. We are encouraged also with the prayers, faith and praise reports of others. Believe that it can be used by God to share the most imporatant message of all --- that is the Gospel  and grow a disciple!


Actually, I'm also noting this to myself! I'm not an expert in this  and I know only  God made and can make things happen!

I declare that our VGs will help of officemates  to have spiritual growth and  a  deeper relationship with Christ!

Every company. Every Offices for Jesus! :)

Over the Moon

Over the moon.  It means extremely pleased and happy. 

But before that, it was actually an epic fail.

I decided to fast for a Victory Group / Bible group in our workplace last Tuesday- Thursday.

1st Day - I decided to eat fruits and vegetables only.  What happened was I got sick (not because I didn't eat rice or meat but maybe because of the really hot weather), I got a cold and slight fever so it was very uncomfortable. I still manage though. Thanks Dad!

Second day - here's when I fail. I vow to eat one meal only since it's my friend's birthday and we'll celebrate it  at night. But then while we're wasting our time in the grocery, there was a free taste of sausages. And guess what happened? Oh my instinct! I grabbed one right away! Not just once but twice. huhuhu. I even ate vegetables and salad! Wow, YCAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING? So this is your kind of fasting huh? huuhuhuhuhuu. So there. And then feasting of Thai and Vietnamese food.
This is a confession guys. I'm so sorry.

Third day - I vow not to eat rice and meat again.  I ate an egg in the mroning and on the way home, I hastily bought a bread (Pandesal). Then I ate salad again for dinner and cake too! Talaga pinanindigan ko ang NO rice, No meat, pero nag cake? ay bongga.

Wala na . I will not depend on my performance anymore. I'm going to trust in Him who sees my heart. Whatever He decides, I know that's what best for me.

You know what happened? The next day. I was actually able to invite a new Teacher (Teacher Olga) in a Victory Group / Bible group after our shift! Not just that! I even prayed for her and listened to her story. She will also invite her friends!

Before, it was just a command, a desire.. and now I know it'll happen soon. 

I am indeed over the moon. WAAAHHH!!

"See you again Inang"

         While I was riding a bus going to Bulacan after I was informed that my great grandmother passed away, a eulogy for Inang was forming in my head.  I was not yet sure at that time if we'll have something like that or if it's ever possible for me to be the one to speak. Can you imagine that I'm actually writing it on a bus? That's my form of grieving I guess. I don't know.

         Honestly, the feeling was really strange. I remember before that, I was in such a happy event with my Kids church family. It's our general assembly.  I was laughing with Daisy and all, ready to play in the games. But then, I read the text message. I immediately want to go home and be with my family. I know  I need to be with Tita and Nanay Lydia  right away and hug them. The thought that I'll not be with Inang anymore is not yet hitting me that hard I guess.  It' s like it's hard to breath somehow but manageable.  I'll  make it without a tear. I guess. I guess. Inhale. Exhale.  It was effortless at first because of the comforting thought that I shared the Gospel with her  and with  faith, I believe  that she is with Jesus in our home --- heaven.

       When I arrived at our earthly home, I was the unusually/usually  pretty cheerful me I guess. Wanting to comfort my family, I encouraged them and I prayed with Tita. It's the first time in a long time that Inang is not at home when I arrive. It's the first time that I stopped myself from shouting/ calling  "INANG!!!! INANG!!!" though I really want to at that time!  It's an answered prayer that Inang's body is not yet there because I don't know if makakaya ko na ganun ang madatnan sa min.


        Time passed and her body came, now in a coffin. It was again a blurr for me. Focusing on being there for my Tita and Nanay Lydia. I hold their hands while watching them place her there in our living room. My 4 year -old cousin sat with us and I said "Hold hands? hold hands?" I asked him to hold Tita's hands as her tears fall. Death, endings and good byes are really painful isn't it?


         I find it hard to look at her because I don't really look at dead person's face/body. But then I still manage to do so because she's  Inang. It's sad that she doesn't look like herself there. They (the make-up artist) changed her trademark "pangong ilong" and made it into a little  pointed one which is so. not. Inang. hehe.

          But kidding aside, I was unconsiously thinking..where is my Inang? Where did she go? What's gonna happen now that she's gone? All my life she's been there and ... yeah then I'll remember. Yeah then I'll declare.. SHE IS WITH JESUS NOW! And we'll be fine only because God will continue to sustain us.


          The next day my VFs (Victory friends -- Arl, Ana and Gabby) came. I was okay. I managed not to cry or bawl. But I was extremely grateful for them to be there with me in this season. Still, I'm
 asking myself,  am I just trying hard?, am I not being myself, or is it my security in Him? All I can say is that it's only PURE GRACE. He became my strength at that time.  I can't without Him.

The morning of the burial day came.  My brother called me early in the morning to tell me that I'm gonna speak in front later to say the " Pasasalamat" (pretty much like a eulogy.)

Honestly, I was SO excited (with the idea of sharing the Gospel in my whole angkan)! Who wouldn't? I hastily called Jenny and Ana to cover me with their prayers. I polished/ re-write the draft of my Eulogy soon after that.

On the way to Inang's house, I said to my Uncle that I'm gonna be the one to speak later and I 'm pretty nervous.He suddenly told me,  "Akala ko si Kuya Michael mo? Si Kuya michael mo na lang daw ata ah?" I was saddened. Grabe wala lang ba ang pagka excited ko? I prayed,  "Dad, I know You want me to speak. If it's Your will for me to speak later,I know You'll make it happen."

Then Tita told me upon arriving, "Si Kuya Michael mo na lang. I- inglisin mo lang yun. Hindi ka maiintindihan ng mga tao."  Then I told her "Tatagalugin ko promise!!!" (but actually that's my struggle earlier while preparing hehe. Paano ko ba tatagulin 'to? hahah I think Tita really knows me.)

 Then, I told my brother na hindi na ako ang magsasalita. I was so surprised how he reacted. hihi. Surprised how he supported me saying, "mamaya, ibibigay ko sa'yo yung mic habang nilalabas si Inang. Dun ka na lang magsalita. " It's overwhelming talaga. So blessed to have a brother like him. As in.

Sitting there beside Baby Stephen, I was just staring at my prepared speech. Then Kuya Michael suddenly told me " May, tayong dalawa na lang magsalita mamaya. Mauna ka na." I just nod and I'm speechless. In my mind, I'm shouting " Dad, You nailed it again! You made it happen! Whoa, I'm really gonna speak later!!!" Inhale. Exhale.

So there, I started to become really nervous now knowing that something big is gonna happen.
I prayed hard , tried to practice..whew this is it Lord!

1PM came. We attended the mass and then the time has come...

Standing there in front of a lot of people. I started with a greeting "Good afternoon po sa inyong lahat, ako po si May, isa sa mga apo sa tuhod ni Inang Iling..."  (while I was speaking there were some feedbacks, I was just looking at my brother and  I saw him instructing me to hold the microphone. Still, my supportive brother right? I'm so so grateful!)

Then  I remember, I continue by reading my note about Inang, followed by other's might be memories of her, then how I can say "see you again" rather than good bye (wait did I say this?). The confidence that I have is only on what Jesus did and said.  I prepared several verses but I only manage to proclaim John 3:16!!!

After that I was disturbed because I felt like I didn't do well. That I didn't gave justice to the Gospel na baka walang impact etc. But then what's so amazing about Daddy? It's His comforting words:

Sa Matthew 4:16 New Living Translation (NLT), sabi nya:

16 the people who sat in darkness
    have seen a great light.
And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow,
    a light has shined.”[a]


 I read that while I was in the bus going back to Manila.  Amazing di ba? When there's storm inside me, He really knows hows to calm it. And yes, I claim this. A light has shined in my family. :)


Anyway, here are some letters for Inang  na sinulat ko days after..


Inang

miss na kita nuon pa man pero lalo na ngayon
It's hard. Hindi ko na ma imagine.  sobrang naging precious bigla ng mga araw na magkasama tayong dalawa. Yung super trio natin ni Tita, paano na?

Sa tricycle..
Habang kumakain..
Yung pag galaw galaw ng paa mo...
pagnaghahanda tayo
pagnagluluto
tuwing titikman mo ang niluto ko
yung nagpapa piga ako ng muscles mo hihi..

Alam ko gusto mo talaga ng baby sa bahay. Exciting siguro na makita mong hinahalikan si Baby Stephen. Alam ko din na masaya ka para kay tita.


Inang

one week na since wala ka na or ang body mo sa bahay. Ang weird talaga. Nung umuwi ako one time sinabi ko kila nana Iling po. Grabe wala ka na nga pagdating ko..

I really wonder kung anong ginagawa mo dyan in Heaven, I smile when I think na nakakakain ka na ulit and I know walang MSG ang food dyan. Hug!!


See you again Inang. Enjoy Jesus there!


Love,

 Maaaayyyy! <3 nbsp="" p="">

My heart in the First VG of the year

Date written: 2nd week of January

So here we go! After the Prayer and Fasting last week, we finally meet for the first time this year! Here are some changes:

From Tuesdays evening to Monday afternoon.
We welcomed Heart back in our group!

My heart soars when I hear them speak  filled with joy of discipleship. Their first breakthroughs are open hearts and desire for more of God for the girls that they are praying for.  Feeling ko, may coaching group na talaga ako since I have these leaders with me in my group. How time flies and how God gave them a big heart for the lost. Disciple making disciples.  What-an-answered prayer!!

and then

My heart broke as one of my spiritual daughters asked about God saying No. Yung tipong sobrang in faith ka nang ibibigay sya sayo ni God and I di - deliver ka Nya but then, it didn't happen. You fail. He said No. And, doubts started to kick in and you just have that tendency not to believe fully again.

What can I say? He does answers No. No  daughter because it's simply not for you and He's got a better plan. We naturally think that our plans for ourselves  are the best but His is actually  better. It's really really painful when your and His plan didn't match. You just can't understand. Still, His thoughts are higher, His ways are better. We may not know the reason  at all (just like Job) why things happened or happening, but we are called to trust in Him. The revelation and the truth  that God is good is so powerful. What more is the truth that He is in control? A good God is in control. And if we love Him, we believe  all things work together for our good!  (Romans 8:28)


I love what my spiritual daughter Jahana said "If God is not changing your situation, maybe He is changing your heart." I was reminded of what I learned before na mas concern si God sa character-building natin than our comfort. He is molding us, testing us and the result is a greater faith and an irresistable heart before His eyes.

While writing this I was also listening to Pastor Joey's Dare to Believe week 2 preaching.  He talked about failure and I can't help but remmeber our discussion about God's NO:

Failure is not the opposite of success. (It is a main ingredient for success.)

Failure is not your enemy. It's your friend.

When you fail, it's  a moment to learn,  to grow...

Fall for seven times rise up eight. We all fall sometimes but the difference with us is  we stood up again.


Honestly while she's opening her heart about failing to become a CPA (though we really believed that she can make it), I was trying to recall a time when I, too, experience the same thing. I was surprised  that I can't remember such a time. Should I be happy or sad about that?

Maybe there were times like that ...

Like when I didn't send girls in Victory weekend last year.
Like when I failed to have a VG in COC.
Like when I failed to become a best  teacher last year.
Like when I failed to have VG in my workplace.
Like when I didn't have savings again at the end of the year.
Like when I didn't keep 6K from my 13th month pay for my braces.
Like when I 'm still thinking about him when I must not.
Like when I'm still not forgetting the former things.
Like when I'm still being assumera at times.
Like when we thought  Ana would go to Mongolia.

....but I chose to lift those things to Him and trust that He is in control NO MATTER WHAT.


After praying, two of the girls left since it's already getting late. I was left with my Hana.  She's consulting about feeling bad because of realizing how bad her character is or her thoughts are. It 's like she's only pretending things, pretending to be kind and all.

I was in awe when the Holy Spirit just allowed me to say things that I didn't know I know.

I told her that we're not naturally kind. We're such a self-centered creature actually. So when we feel like and thought like we should be the best, we should have all the favor, that's our natural old-self! When we're actually trying to be kind and all, it's not pretending, it's more on trying, more on obeying, more on BEING UNDER JESUS' LORDSHIP.

We can always choose between allowing ourselves to rule over us or Jesus. We can only be kind, we can only love our neighbor because He first loved us. 

Mt. Manalmon

111 likes on Facebook! Yay! haha! 

It was suposedly a "High school" event but it  turned out to be a "family" bonding time. I was actually so disappointed prior to this hike. I organized this for hs friends yet no one  confirmed and came (maybe they're just so busy). It's  a good thing somehow because the day before the climb, I found out that a "permit" is needed. AND guess what, you need to have it 5 days before the hike! Uh, 5 days? and we will climb tomorrow? Whut???? What to do now?

I hastily call the numbers that I got from different blogs online. Yet, no one answered right away. I way starting to worry (oh nooo). I asked my friends who went there if it's possible to hike  without a permit and they said that we really need it since that's what they did. I still send an e-mail and texted all the numbers that I was calling earlier. I was really sorry this time.

I prayed and just talked to Dad that if it's His will for us to climb, we will. And if not, He's just protecting us.

Just when we're about to give up, I received one  text message! According to him/her, we can still go hiking but we need to sign a waiver. I was so happy! Then I received another one from Sir Rexel (Marketing and Promotions officer of M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.). He asked me to send a letter of intent and the name of participants in another e-mail address. I also received a reply to my e-mail and he asked me to share this to all of you who wants to hike there as well:

This is to inform you the requirements and procedure to get a permit are as follows:

5 days before the activity/event email your letter of intent and the names of the participants to the following addresses:

sanmiguelbulacan1874@yahoo.com

rrboyflorencio@yahoo.com

m.a.d.l.u.m.inc@gmail.com

Wait for their reply or call these numbers to follow-up your application: 

0447640154 - Municipal Office of San Miguel Bulacan

09053726148 - Boy Florencio (Municipal Tourism Officer of San Miguel Bulacan) 

note:

Pls. call during office hours only!!!

Let us know if your permit has been approved or leave your number when you send your request.

To make your arrangements call or text the following before entering the park:

09195746470 - Carlito "Tata Carling" Carpio President M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

09434440033 - Rexel Marketing and Promotions officer M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.

" Please share "

Regards,

M.A.D.L.U.M. Inc.(Tour Guiding Organization)

How to get there? 

Ride a bus in Cubao going to Cabanatuan/ San Miguel (Five Star/ Baliwag Transit/ ES Transport)                    -I'm not sure how much because we came from our home in San Rafael Bulacan

Say to conductor that you want to down to "Brgy. Kamias, San Miguel" 

Ride  a tricycle going to Sitio Madlum, Brgy. Sibul   (Php 240)

Itinerary

It was so simple for us since we need to go home by 1200 (we have a family lunch).

630 ETD from San Rafael
710 Arrival at Brgy. Kamias

Adventure na, riding a tricycle  pa lang!

750 Arrival at the registration area/ Jump-off

Look for Tata Carling here.

Registration Area, you'll pay Php 10 each, then they'll give you your guide

           
800 Start trek Mt. Manalmon

Mark, our guide talked to us first about the things we need to remember.

Then off we go! We got to pass by the Madlum Cave (Ouch, nauntog ako dito, madilim talaga eh hehe)   then the Madlum River  (yes, you heard it right. The river where 7 students died because of the sudden rush of water. It was so calm at that time. It's hard to imagine how suddenly it could take lives.  Thank God we're safe!!! 

See? 

sa paanan ng bundok

900 At the summit

Thank You for Your love Jesus!!!! (Yes, I shouted this!, but It'll be louder na next time!) 

So happy to be with brothaaa! Joke lang. lol

I really love the sight of mountains!!!!

1000 Start Descent

cover photo!! Aww clouds. One day I will see a sea of you. I'll be higher! Pulag! Pulag! :) 

We were supposed to try caving also but we realized that it will have an additional fee and we're running out of time too if we want to eat lunch at home. So there, we said good bye to our guide, Mark (Tour guide fee is: 300, but we made it 400. Additional 100 for his lunch :)). I felt sad because he thought we'll go caving. :( He was so kind to still assist us because we want to try the Monkey Bridge.

Nakakakaba talaga. Kinabahan ako na mahulog yung hat at eyeglasses ko. hehehe

Yay! I made it! 

Tambay muna while looking for the tricycle. 

So there. It was really short but fun. For those who want to try mountain climbing for the first time or kinakabahan umakyat dahil hindi ka nakakapag exercise, this mountain is good  kasi hindi sya ganon kahirap. Pabebe climb lang. Haha. 

Again, Thank You for Your love Jesus!!! 'til our next climb!

P.S.


Please wag nyo akong gayahin. Kumuha talaga kayo ng permit ah? Thank you!

*Special thanks to Kuya Rexel of M.A.D.L.U.M Inc.!!!

Hope for Rizal

*I'm not  a historian. Most of these are just a  product of my hopes and thoughts. Thank you! 


         History is just fascinating to me since last month .. all because of watching Heneral Luna movie. I just find myself, researching about things in our history.

         One of my new discoveries is that our National Hero, Jose  Rizal almost married a French girl named Nelly Bousted. Almost. But why didn't their wedding push through? It's interesting because it's because of their faith. I started to hope that Rizal might heard the Gospel from her or somehow saw her and her family's faith.

        Nelly is a Protestant (or for me, I rather call her a "believer of God's grace" and Rizal is a Roman Catholic. Nelly wanted Rizal to be a Protestant like her if he wish to marry her. Rizal didn't like the idea and for him it's only Nelly's "caprice". :(

Rizal refused to be converted in Protestantism which Nellie demanded. Later in his life, Rizal would state in his letter, “… had I held religion as a matter of convenience or an art getting along in this life … I would now be a rich man, free, and covered with honors.” (Zaide, p. 185)

The breakup between the very civil and educated couple was far from bitter as the two parted as friends. When Rizal was about to leave Europe in April 1891, Nelly sent him a goodbye letter, saying: 

“Now that you are leaving I wish you a happy trip and may you triumph in your undertakings, and above all, may the Lord look down on you with favor and guide your way giving you much blessings, and may your learn to enjoy! My remembrance will accompany you as also my prayers.” (Zaide, p. 185)

                                                                    source: http://ourhappyschool.com/history/nellie-boustead-jose-rizals-almost-wife
        I admire Nelly for standing in her conviction. But at the same time, sad. They didn't realized bakc then that it's not about religion or convertion but a relationship with Jesus.

        I read more articles and it gave me hope. I really hope he found the love of God! I was sad and worried if Nelly preached the Gospel to him. Or maybe she did and it was just a seed in Rizal's heart?

Fact is after all those incidents , Rizal read the Bible and also The imitation of Christ by  Thomas A. Kempis in his last hours. Maybe he became more curious? :)

http://indiohistorian.tumblr.com/post/39130243698/rizal-was-reading-the-imitation-of-christ-by

Did he read  Mathew, John, Mark or Luke? or Romans perhaps? I don't know but knowing  that he spent his time with THE WORD just made me  happy.

How could I be like this right? Thinking about a thing that happened years and years ago!

I really hope Rizal got saved!  We'll only God would know that. :)

What amazed me more is when  I read articles about Rizal's last hours..  I discovered,  this:

12:00 – 4:00 a.m.
Rizal sleeps restfully because his confidence in the goodness of God and the justness of his cause gives him astounding serenity and unusual calmness.

http://www.slideshare.net/RizdelRio/execution-of-rizal

So that's why! That's why he was so calm before his execution. Really, death will lost it's sting as you trust in  God. :)  Jesus was his strength at that time. I want to believe this! And Jesus is his hope for the future of our nation. :)

2015 Answered Prayers: I thank God for...

. my Visa!
. the trip in South Korea! (grabe! I thank Him talaga for the good health ko dun, the spirit of fun, the snow, the airplane experience, Ms. Han, Sir JJ,  Ms. Jenny and Clara!)
.nothing is impossible with Him
.the people who were so happy for me and supported me when I wen to S. Korea (like HT Pat,Jovie, my Mom, my brother...)
. my new cousin (My Tita conceived!)
.PUP Alumni Summer Bonding in Lian Batangas! (after 15 years nakakita ulit ng dagat!)

   - I even witnesed a miracle nung nakita sa may gitna ng dapat yung isang pair ng slippers ni Dia na nawala the night before!

- I loved the time alone with Dyna. Swimming in the sea with her was really fun! Then the bonfire by the beach..singing worship songs, praying for each other..videoke!!

. the first family outing!

- first time ni Jhared sa pool and na makalabas sila Tita and Ka Herly. I thank Him for our good health at that time and sa provision!)

. Marian (one 2 one again after a long time)

. Winn and Ja! (regular VG!)

. Singles' Camp in Camp John Hay Baguio City (Ezekiel 34:25-31)

- I didin't include this in my FGs in 2015 but daddy told me to go.

. Approved leave (didn't have to lie) and safety (bumabagyo sa bagyo at that time!)

. Team Solar

. Planet Shaker's Concert (August)

- my brother raised his hand in accepting Jesus!

. Victory Weekend ni Rosette (it inspires me to engage moreeeee!!!)

.Star of the night as Audrey Hepburn in PUPm Alumni Christmas Party

.fruitfulness of Heart and Jhesie (grabeee!!!)

. APE! (Annual Physical Exam)

. Arroyo Paskong Palaro ng Lahi (Grace talaga na ang daming pumunta and I think nag enjoy naman sila hehe)

. CHRISTmas eve service with family!! (Nany, Mac and Angelo!! - First time ni Ngilo!!)


. Mt. Pamitinan climb!!!  (Habbakkuk 3:19)

- for the strength and endurance! His creation si really awesome!!!

- for the boldness to finally shout ...


"Thank You for Your Love JESUS!!!"


I heard Word in 2015 that that will be my year of ownership and I hastily claim to own a VISA and Victory Group and it happened!!!!


Awesome 2015 yeah?!!!! Lets' dare to believe for more this 2016!!!!