Letting going go

...Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2b)


Last October 04, 2015 I heard a preaching about the Nations.  The preacher said, "God's masterplan for us is to go to the nations."  I suddenly have that desire to go. I remember applying for Kyrgyzstan last 2014 but didn't make it. I thought maybe this time, is the time.

The church will go to Thailand and then ..

I remember I wrote that I think I will go to a country that starts with letter "T".
I would see people wearing Thailand shirts.
I would buy stuffs and read "Made in Thailand".
I would read "100 years from now and notice the really small percentage of believers in Thailand.
I would pray and receive this Word:


Matthew 8:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world—from east and west—and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I gradually fell in love with this nation.

The journey started like that and last January, I got to know those people who have the heart for missions too.  We meet each other once a month to hear a Word, to pray and to eat. Hehe. It's the 7th time yesterday.

The 7th and my last.

This morning is  the morning after the day it dawned to me that I can't attend the TDMS (Ten days Missions Support) training anymore and thus, I'll not make it to Thailand this year. The reason? The number of missioners became so limited and I simply didn't make it to the Top Ten.

And like, wow. It's my second rejection.

 I have a lot of brokenhearted/ letting go/  moving on feels. (e.g. "Tuloy Pa Rin in the background")  This really caught me off-guard and it's just by grace that I could still manage to smile and pray for them after realizing this.

I was so ready to resign and not to receive my 13th month pay, I watched Thai movies and kept it on my phone so that I can talk about it  to a young Thai student, I asked my brother to download a tutorial for me how to speak Thai and all.  Almost everything's plannned out but then, His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than  my thoughts. Yes, His plan will prevail and I know it's just way better than mine.

Kaya pala He's telling me earlier that morning that His will is good, pleasing and  perfect... to trust in His kindness etc. Now I'm holding on to those words.

Why do I even want to go to the nations anyway?

It's for Him right?

And if He doesn't want me to, why would I feel bad about it?

It's like organizing an activity for someone. You want to do it with him for him to be happy. But then you realize he doesn't want it pala. Ikaw lang naman may gusto siguro. So why feel bad? IT'S FOR HIM ANYWAY.

So what now? How to move on? hahaha!

.do my best in what I'm doing now
.lead the VGs well
.do one to one with the girls (yeah I think it's really a season of harvest!)
.attend the Singles' getaway
.stay in the office
.go back to Korea? Yay!
.receive my 13th month
.delete the thai movie on my phone
.support the missioners in Thailand by praying and sending them
.be faithful in serving okay?!
.start a ministry in the local church
.try and try until it's His time

Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.


Letting going go for now,

Ycah


P.S.

Eventually, it'll be:

To the nations,

Ycah