PY BY

thank you for the words.

the words..these are the words...

they release because of you...imprinted..encoded.

I used to tell myself that I'll never ever write about you ever again.

but you are the words.

years and letters...

IT FELT LIKE EMPTY

but I'll never be empty of words

for you who never heed

the emotions

it also be on a wonder

how was it like

for the psychological consciousness to be gone

i just realize that it's hard

really hard

do I really have to hit the ground literally

i know it's only in the mind

i know it's only in the memory

i thought memories are the best things.

I WISH I'LL BE LIKE GU JUN PYO AT THIS MOMENT

TO FORGET THAT PERSON YOU THINK TOO MUCH OF

YOU LOVE SO MUCH

even loving him confuses me.

am i?do i?did i?

Finding humorous more serious.

Station: Super Radyo DZBB 594
Program: Bangon na Bayan
Time: November 28, 2011 5:00 – 6:00 AM


Finding humorous more serious.
“ So hindi totoo ito: ‘ Life threatening na po talaga and it can lead sa pagpaparalisa ng malaking bahagi ng katawan’ ( a recorded statement of GMA’s Lawyer). Eto pa si Mrs. Horn, si Maria Elena Bautista.
‘Pag may nangyaring masama sa amo ko, kasalanan nila!’ (Recorded statement)”
Melo del Parado made the commentary about the Arroyo case humorous in a way. The fact that it’s not a mere delivery of news – he’s making people realize what’s not right in the situation through catchy comments that everyone can comprehend. They keep and keep on playing those recorded statements well as saying arguments like “Lawyers are not doctors and a doctor will never risk his professionalism (it’s indicated to their vowed oath not to lie) and high salary of course; and that Dr. Mario Ver is expected to earn more now, especially that he dare to reveal the truth – that GMA is recovering and currently considered as an outpatient. “
‘ Life threatening na po talaga and it can lead sa pagpaparalisa ng malaking bahagi ng katawan’
Played the recorded statement again, then, another related news that DOJ Sec. De Lima wants to have an investigation for GMA’s lawyers as for lying about her real condition.
And here comes the new illness. The lawyers are now saying that GMA is having a diarrhea. For this, del Trado uttered (which made me laugh so much) “ Bakit yung mg abugado ni dating Pangulung Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, ayaw siyang gumaling? Tayo nga, gusto nating gumaling,dahil hindi tayo naghahangad ng ksamaaan kahit sa kaaway. Kristyano tayo eh?!”
Then there’s a correspondent reporting about the ocular inspection of Pasay RTC 112 at the detention cell of Southern Police distinct where GMA is possible to detain. Melo del Tardo is constantly saying stuff like if GMA is fit to be out of the hospital, is she fit to be convicted? Or fit to be back home sweetly?
Now del Parado keeps on aiming the statement from GMA’s lawyer again about the house arrest motion. “ Walang comfort ng bahay ang Detention Cell, kaya baka po bumagsak ang katawan”
This kind of treatment of the Arroyo Case made me think so much about it, things indeed become clear. I’m hoping it made our fellow Filipino’s realize as well that this former President of ours (who’s not supposed to be a president) is simply feeling the hell out of us. So effective and I love the humorous way to deal with it seriously,

unread

The passion for something that I'm not doing is the passion that mostly made me write. Reading is my passion' and I'm doubting myself for that statement. Books that are waiting for my attention, characters that are more than willing to reveal themselves to me and places that I can never imagine of visiting- I want them all and I miss them.

It's a dream and a fulfillment to finish a book.

It's even a bonus if the words printed on it remained in me or inspire me to write as well ( I KNOW I LOVE A WRITER IF HE/SHE WILL INSPIRE ME TO WRITE).

Sometimes, I thought reading books is a race - a race in slow motion effect,appreciating what's around, but it's so slow that you stop at times then back at the race and forget the places and people you've passed through.

I have here the books that are suggested or that is my dream to read real soon.

1. The Diary of Anne Frank (bare with me Gabby)
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (the Harry-Potter-Fan-To-Be is STRANDED)
3. By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (currently enjoying)
4. For One More Day (pending since second year high school)
5. Numerous books from booksale!!!!!

I'm actually looking forward for a best friend please...

book...

be with paper and pen?

58 (Lives and bylines ended)

They thought they wouldn’t kill…

Shot at the mouth…at the breast…at the vagina. They thought they wouldn’t kill, women; he thought that spotted you invisibly on the face. These women, escorted by numerous media men we’re inhumanly killed exactly two years ago tomorrow - and the justice? It’s far from being served. The ingredients we’re there, winking, shining and stunning but the blinded eyes of justice chooses not heed, not to see for the fairness but for impunity.

The bigger the enemy, the uphill the fight, the elusive the justice; the tree beside the site of the massacre is still alive and standing strong – as if willing to fight for all the lives. The truth comes, after two years; the victim’s families that were supposed to be a hundred times more alive and strong were slowly looking around and down. The harsher the realities, the harsher the situation and the harsher the effects than losing someone you loved so much brutally are around them (they have to face that every single day for two years) – the harsh choice. The choice between the justice for the one you loved that is killed inhumanly or the stomach and lives of the family that is remained in this cruel country. Justice or Php 20 Million (yes, there were rampant offers for the victim’s families)? Choose. Imagine what this massacre had to do with those lives. As time goes by, they were all fighting the urge of accepting, and if they did, we can never really blame them; for the situation leaving them with no choice especially the becoming hopeless families. The enemy is that big, the fight is that uphill and the justice is that elusive.

The mastermind is so obvious, apparently, EVERYTHING is obvious here. Nothing vague, nothing unclear, everyone’s a witness and everyone’s smart enough; But still, this cultured impunity of country (how could we all take this every day?) is to stay ( I’m afraid for this). The culture that those people don’t really discovered but made it to happen. Not solved this, not solved that, people would talk about this, people would talk about that, not solved and not solved.

“Warlordism”, pollution of the police, government and military, the effects on the press freedom “isusulat ko pa ito?,baka magalit si Mayor” (it’s not true that were not affected); the system is bad, it is really a long fight for a country that democracy is just a rumored thing.

58- Two digit number, part of statistics and a part of history (were hoping and praying that it’ll go beyond that- part of statistics and a part of history);is the reality, lives and bylines that are numbered, could ever know and fight for their ideals and names?

my I am Statements

I’m Jessica and I wish to be the heroine that I’m not: beautiful and clever. The statement tells how I look at myself: I’m not beautiful and clever so I’m not fitted to be a heroine that a hero would protect and love. But I am a daughter, learner, supporter, dreamer and prayer.

I am a daughter with a happy heart when my family is happy, with a helping hand that is more than willing to make things easier for them and with gentle words to encourage them whenever they feel that all hope is lost. An “ate”, a “pamangkin”, and an apo for my brother, aunt and grandmother that is always there for them.

I am a learner. I am a student. More than the grades, I’m looking forward to learn to become better and to understand more than to know. I am a self- proclaimed “God’s Scholar” and it is my greatest fear to disappoint Him or for Him to ever think that I am not worthy for His grace.

I am a supporter (or people used to call a “Fan”). I am a proud seven-year supporter of the local band “Sponge Cola”; so long that somehow they’ve become my identity. Their influence in me range from my interest in English, poetry, music, movies, books to the course I’d taken up. I think the supporter me is also a lifetime.

I am a dreamer. To be one- inch behind the microphone or for the name in the by-line. Doubts, discouragements and fear would always be there but I used to tell myself “Just Do It!” Do it with all your heart. I believe that it’s a God-given dream so I’ll fight for it.

I am a prayer. I can’t imagine being a daughter, learner, supporter and dreamer without asking for God’s guidance, my life basically depended and depends on it.

I am Jessica. Regarding being a heroine? I’ll be. For in my story with God as my hero… I am clever, I am beautiful…

Losing Worries

It’s always been on a wonder how I’m not regularly writing, it comes to a point that I would think that maybe, I’m just a hypocrite or a trying hard-convincing myself that I love writing. Yet, I can’t even find a time for it. (okay.fine.you say, “what’s new with that?”) well apparently,there is , really new this time. Add-ons,you can call it.now, what’s on a wonder is how I’m not writing about the most special part of this life- spiritual growth and the most breakthrough that could ever happen.

In a few months,it’ll be a year-attending a Christian fellowship church named Victory (well,I’m not supposed to write about that really,it’s another long post if God allow me to or help me to). One thing that I want to share first about that is the “on-fire” feeling with God about each service, I would always say “high na high talaga after Victory”. Well indeed it’s always a feeling of being high on the ground,flying and flying with happiness because of Jesus.All the preaches we’re good and I’ll forever regret that I didn’t even write about those (yes,again,the kind of girl who always want everything to be documented)

You think that’s all?well,we’re not even starting yet,in my opinion. (read: that’s for your information)

The last two preachings ( I mean this week’s preachings,for I am attending the Thursday service with my housemates and Friday service with my friends) hit me that straight to the heart and I think everyone of us could relate to-it’s all about WORRIES and DREAMS.It’s a series break so it’s a choice from a pastor what to share to us.

Worries/ worrying was preached by Pastor Ryan B. Tan (Pastor Ryan as we call him), I must say that I like this more,but it doesn't mean that I like “Dreams” any less (WHAT?HAHA.STARFRUIT)

Please allow me to share the “ ycah thoughts” about that.

1. worrying is a sin. For everything that is not associated with faith is sin. ( I really feel very much sorry)

2. worrying is as if putting your finger to God while saying “I DON’T TRUST YOU FOR YOU’RE NOT TRUSTWORTHY”( It must be ‘Til I see you’ on the background while you’re reading this.)

But what do we most worry about? All the examples of those hit me,yess,almost,almost all.

1. Academics

2. Finances

3. Family

4. Relationship

5. Future

6. Health

What?yes,not almost,really,all.. I was worried about that all!!!!!!!

1. Academics (all the “undoings” midterms,finals,requirements,grades)

2. Finances (the word is enough)

3. Family ( to disappoint them,their health or something

4. Relationship (this is supposed to be number 1)

5. Future (loads of unemployed in the Philippines and I’m nearly graduating,fierce competition out there)

6. Health (Dengue ‘nuff said)

We may all think that worrying is,just normal,certainly I learned that it’s not. It’es the enemies’ very rampant way of losing our faith

Two words must be remembered though for you to stop worrying:

1. Father

Consider God,not just your Lord,King or creator but most especially a loving Father;a Big God who can provide us anything that we need.(consider that fact that He already gave us His precious Son). We may not have a good father but He is the father we ought to have a relationship with in this life. (Pastor Ryan’s example is himself being a father)

2. First

Always. Put. God. First.

Pastor Ryan showed us a video of a “losing-weight-without-gym-or-exercise-but-still-eating-a-lot product commercial,you just have to sprinkle it to the food and it’ll magically not make you gain weight. “So kahit isang Lechon pa ang kainin mo,hindi ka tataba” as I quote him. What-a-stupid commercial isn’t it? Well you know what’s more stupid?if you big food is you life and you just thought that just a sprinkle of Jesus would save you.Have a relationship with Him!

Of course there’s more to the preaching than what I’ve stated,more laughs,more prayers. Whoa,this is long already and Dreams would have to be a separated post I think (when would that be?hm.)

I have an early present for you though, as I end.

YOU.CAN.DOWNLOAD THE PREACHING!CLICK HERE: www.victoryubelt.org/youthseries and listen to different preachings that I hope would help you in life as well.Live by for a lifetime and eternally with God.

Over You For Real

Guess I’m not ‘because I’m writing this.

5 months of trying not to communicate with him,isolating myself from him (you read the word: trying). But indeed it’s the farthest that this could go ( wait,I’m wrong,it’s not supposed to be the superlative). Let me just summarize the five months in a nutshell (sound redundant eh?) no GM’s from each other,he doesn't have my number anymore, no text,trying the ‘not-viewing-his-profile-and-twitter” principle, but still can’t refrain myself from talking about him or saying his name. He asked how I am once via twitter, I replied. Well then, yesterday is different. Was and Is different.

Opportunity to call for free, I don’t know what come to me; I just dial,not thinking,not thinking at all. I’ve already given up when he texted “bkit k mzcol”. Not thinking again (another term for setting aside the brain), I replied (well,I honestly can’t remember by details) “ Kwentuhan tayo,ycah to”. “Text ako pag pwede na tumawag” I took a deep breath all the time. I can’t tell how I’m feeling exactly but it’s like being stiff inside yet you have to move normally. Improper breathing,improper living,improperly doing this.

So he texted,I’m ready not to call him,to back-out,to just continue my so-called principle,but my friend already dialed it “calling….______”WHAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!

“Hello….bakit?”his voice oh my…his voice.

“Wala lang” the cheap me..oh my…the cheap me…

“Victory,Amoranto,Summer Camp,Dyna,may makikitext….”

And it ended.

Just like on the reports on Comm. Theories earlier,girls are really after the emotion.

The feeling? How was it? Hey?!

I blinked, I guess. Oh,it seems…(wait! Before that,I did that (calling him) because I believe for the resurrection, I believe at dreaming on. I was thinking ( I’m not really not thinking, maybe…

Maybe…we could be friends again (the dream that I've already given up,the situation that is impossible in all the impossible situations, the one that I buried and accepted ( I think not fully,you can say).

Oh,it seems….

I've got a right decision for the last five months.

Listen to the best Words!:)

http://www.victoryubelt.org/youthseries

a decade late

Meet my new found love :

meet all the people here and know all the terms.

Ever since, I really wanted to be like her too!!!!!:

brave.mature.

smart

beautiful

okay,i'm a late bloomer slash late potter fan,but still,it's really magical to discover what I missed on my generation. At least humahabol ako. When everybody thought the magic already ended,for me it's simply and magically beginning.

nr: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (more books and magical experiences pa!)

wingardium leviosa!!!!

The Extended Shaked Hands Place

Yes, I sensed it. I sensed and worried about the "sold-out tickets" stuff until the 1:00 PM of the afternoon. By that time,it's then confirmed that we can't make it.

The sudden or certain plan of my mind is Greenbelt 3 and watch San Lazaro (scroll down for the pics and trailer).New adventure,wow.Sending my alternative after learning the "sold-out news" here and there,confusion strikes about stations and meet up.I'm wishing I'm doing the right thing as well as that I'm doing a right thing. (Eyeing the Blue Babble Batallion and lots of Atenean will do,yeah!)

Ayala Station.

Going down through the stairs that led me to that time's last ear-to-ear smile moment as well as to the last held hands, anyone could tell that is really amazing.Nice to be back nice to be there and not-so-nice to remember that I didn't even make to blog about it or even just write in a piece of a blank paper or at a back of an occupied one.

So familiar,yes,but it's limited.

No inside view of the huge and spectacular malls,not even a distinction of what that is and what goes beyond that.Instead, I'm so psyched with the idea of my very first gig of the year in front of the Glorietta 4,the idea of seeing and listening to them again and who would've thought!Even seeing my favorite FM radio DJ duo(what?) Chico and Delamar of RX 93.1!!!!!! and lastly,the idea of face-familiarization,the distinction,the professed failure and the supposed title of the supposed blog entry: 'He offered his Hands to me Again'.With that,I'm already floating in the atmosphere! while walking and leaving Ayala Station and more.

You Know Me

"Know" not Knew.

Even if you're a high school friend or acquaintance,a college buddy or best friend, or a co- sponge cola lister,you know me. You know me very well. Yes,have faith,you do.Simply somehow, I'm a sponge cola girl. That's what you know right? Let's just refresh that, and you must know, I love how you're knowing me.

Sharing one the biggest part of me would always make me feel so cheerful. So there you go,almost six...seven...years?I wouldn't know,that's how short me for me loving Sponge Cola, the Band that is almost,yes just almost...okay fine,really, my identity.

and what's new? know the araw oras tagpuan HAHAHAHA.

SPONGE COLA TO RELEASE 4TH ALBUM THIS SEPTEMBERhttp://m.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150767571665414.738673.214540185413&refid=7&_ft_a=1787196047&_ft_tf=184149934987058&_ft_ti=308&_ft_aoi=110258045709581&_ft_fth=88a14509bd27db8b&_ft_time_ft=1314162058

Why I'm Thinking Twice of Being Present

blame it on the hormones though.THIS.

They say it might be the end of the world...but I say, It's just a start of something nice.Maybe I'm just really influenced,fascinated even of blogging inside our room via a laptop (HAHAHA,I'm not your girl with a laptop though,see?). and I'm thinking twice of being present today.

It's not me,if you know me, for the past days, our school library had been a really good place to be in or a great company as well. I would study for midterms,read "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" (starting to be become as fan,here I am again-LATE) six more books to go,and 7 more movies! or learn my reports and stuff.On my third year,library is one the best discovery ever.So I'm the studious type of girl. Thank you,thank you. But I'm begging for prayers for the Resurrection of my midterm exam result at communication theories. I don't know what happened,2/5 that is.

okay 8:09 AM now,class at 9:00 AM. On-line Writing is the Subject,so I DO.

BLOGGING-it is really indeed my dream...

WELL I JUST WANT TO SHARE MY GOAL: I just Want to be like JESSICA MENDOZA with more purpose version. HA HA. (that a nervous laugh there).

okay,I just think twice but I'm certainly going to go be present. :O

RAMON BAUTISTA DAY

AKO SIGURO ANG TINITINGNAN NI RAMON DITO.HAHAHAHAHA. SERIOUSLY, I WAS THERE :))

Cinemalaya : Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 2

Cinemalaya : Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 2

Cinemalaya: Ang Babae sa Septic Tank

Cinemalaya: Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa

Cinemalaya NetPac : San Lazaro

Day must've been ended before the darkness

day.

Night made you forget that term and that time...almost.

My organization's seminar was cancelled,after wearing my 'Iskolar ng Bayan's shirt,after playing plants vs zombies.


I suddenly just led us to watch the previous films made by the students of our college, mostly silent films. The Notepad stirred my emotion. It’s so, so, so, mind boggling, interrupting my expectation, cheated as it is. Ugh, but it made me awe the team, the production, the students behind that. So I smile.
THIS IS A DAY PART OF THIS POST. You gotta know that, I almost wish that everyday must be like this day, it’s so peaceful, and I’m so grateful.

COINCIDENCE

While watching, familiar tune floated in the air, I mean at the whole COC. Someone’s singing Gemini by Sponge Cola at the Videoke Booth (it’s our college week by the way). I’m just curious to know who THE ONE so go and see. I‘m really expecting a different person, someone I don’t know, someone not familiar, someone not related to Yael or R-jay for that matter. Honestly, I was hoping to somebody else , so realize there is somebody out there somewhere who care to sing a sponge cola song for a limited chance. I REALLY thought, that this time, it’s gonna be different!!!!!!!!
YES, I’m wrong. I saw him, him that reminded me much of my past. The resemblance. My surprise consumed my whole body, all my nerves and that, especially that ones on my brains, so I hastily got in again and whisper eagerly to a great friend, that it was him, and I can’t believe it!!!!!I go out again, and my orgmates decide to check as well who’s the one might be. So they know already. AGAIN, I’M EXPOSED –CHEAP.
He as well I think sang TULIRO, great thing my orgmates were I think busy with the film, and didn’t tease me. The teasing, it’s so high school, I please, I don’t want to go back right there again.

This simple, heartfelt of mine is even extended when I am going home. A skateboard reached my feet, and when I turn my back, it’s…..
Him.
My Highness, I felt like I’m shooting my movie again about this girl, who’s a fond of vocalist, seeing this vocalist in a friend, which she eventually like (or love? I’m honestly not sure if this is love even) for a very short time really, It was just what? Almost 5 years? Real short eh?. Then suddenly saw this guy on college, a resemblance of her so called friend, and then constantly remind her of him constantly after that. WHAT THE?
The day ends, with red nail polish on the left hand and It must’ve been really ended, but no.

THE DARKNESS


My initial thought doesn’t usually go smoothly with what is really happening. Some things are still the same, though I know that there are things (which I consider a small one) that is kind of not right. I am normal, I want the rest of the night of this day to just as surprisingly happy as my day. I’m excited for the service, you can tell, I even status about that! But what just didn’t hit was that there are things that is not the same as the previous weeks with my Victory friends. I didn’t even tell that they were not even excited for the service! I thought I was just because we have so much time before the service to start. Or so I thought.
The preaching WAS GOOD, in fact I really enjoyed the service! Jesus is the light! I think I’ll post another one for my learning.

But on our Victory Group, a lot of issues are popping already. I even get confused why they’re talking about that – questions, THE VICTORY AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, the confession of Iane, and so on and on…issues that they’re looking for answers issues that involve the victory. I can never get them really, though understand them.

All I’m just saying is that, why? You think you’re doing a wrong thing for God?, were you being a criminal? So what if they even ask you to hate the catholic, so what if they’re trying to change your beliefs? Bottom line is, would you allow them?
In the end, it’s just you and God, nothing, even this world can even go between you and Him if you’ll not allow them.

Pray, read the Bible, be the Doer of the Word.

Catholic or Christian, Muslim or Buddhism…allow the truth to be in your heart, as long you have there your God.

the movies and my highness

Perhaps the noise pollution at the College of Communication sent back home our World Lit professor. A theory that explained much why in a midst of a supposed class,we get a chance to watch two Korean movies: The Classic and My Sassy Girl.I'm grateful for the chance!

It's the second time of watching 'The Classic' though,and it's like a de javu.I feel right back,feel familiarization but there are things that are simply missing.Literally and not.

As for 'My Sassy Girl',I cried.My tears are usually active while watching films,seeing the one I love weep and when I'm feeling bad about myself.But let's not forget about the tears I'm releasing whenever I feel God,His mercy and grace.

My highness is the aftermath - like everything is graceful,like life is dancing slowly with me.Walking in the rain with my pink umbrella,discovering a woman with the same as my pink protection against the raindrops.I smile,like I'm a starring in my spectacular movie.

Produced,Written and Directed by God

Edited by Jesus.

girl and balloons

I suddenly became fascinated with the idea of a girl holding loads of balloons..I feel like my thoughts are the balloons and I am the girl...

on the other I feel like the 2nd year high-school me is the heart-shaped balloon,I'm so there to let it go..yet,there's a yet.I'm still learning to get used of how we are now.How I am NOW.

I find hard to let go of my thoughts,so colorful...so deserving to be here,to be encoded and to be viewed by the world..

freedom,YES.I'm giving myself and my a words a freedom.

as the new begins

the idea of blogging is sometimes really dreadful.There are times that I don't really know why it oftentimes initiate chaos on my mind and on my fingers.

Yes,with the fact that I love writing(i really do honestly). that is why I'm puzzled for a very long time - Why my blog is stranded can't even move on from one thoughts to another,so many happenings,so many dreams coming true that is waiting to be encoded,to be documented.

Earlier I tried the design of my blog,but I can't seem to fulfill it,errors were existing so I give up.Words are the most important anyway,I love seeing more and more words on my blog.another fact,words,loads of it,initiate procrastination!yes,you read it just right,procrastination is the word.BOOM.

so now,I decided somehow to have a weekly (if not daily) blogging.Just random thoughts,random experiences and maybe (or of course-addiction).I don't want to think much about my reader (if ever there's any),oooppsss sorry. I just want to fulfill. myself .Just to release.Therapy is the word for this,I love words,but I'm not so sure if I love grammar.I just want to be free from rules.THIS IS MY BLOG ANYWAY.read or not,as long as I'm seeing my thoughts into words,I'll be glad.


but I am not giving up with my grammar though.


please,judge or not.Who cares?

Ycah Thoughts.Just like a mind Fart.